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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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paboy posted 8/22/2020 17:13 PM

congratulations

KingofNothing posted 8/22/2020 20:02 PM

Wow, HB, Iím so happy for you. You need to change your nickname, now!

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/22/2020 20:14 PM

KingofNothing, thanks!!!! I've been thinking about changing my name for most of the day. Pretty sure I'll come up with something but it's probably going to come to me in my sleep .

ChamomileTea posted 8/22/2020 22:37 PM

I'm not scared anymore!!

Man, that's like three-quarters of the battle.. if not more! Once you've beaten your fear, all that's left to do really is get your "meh" on.
When you think about it, the vast majority of all our struggle is linked to anxiety... fear. Fear we're not good enough, fear we can't be on our own, fear we won't find someone new; the list goes on and on and on. But once you've put your fears away, there's not a whole lot left on the list but reaching a state of indifference regarding the ex.

Well done, man. Well done!!!

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/23/2020 08:23 AM

Thanks, Chamomile Tea!! Definitely hitting the "meh" stage right now and have come to the realization that there are much better people out there in the world. Why I stuck around with this weight on my collar for so long, I don't know. I'm going to take some time for myself and love me for a while and then jump into the pool.

As for the fear issue, read through different posts and it showed me that they were unsubstantiated. Why not embrace it? There was a level of consolation there. I think most of the fear was that of my heart wanting to hold on to what was comfortable even though it had been ripped out, stomped on then put back in again sideways. It has made me a stronger person and can now see through the bs.

thatbpguy posted 8/23/2020 20:39 PM

Just focus on getting stronger (emotionally, mentally, physically...) day by day. Nice to see you relieved of this tremendous burden.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 06:14 AM

thatbpguy, definitely have been working on myself a lot this past couple of months post DDay. It's a journey in itself and I want to operate from the best version of myself. Yesterday I was reading through my initial thread that was started back in January, wow, back then it was full of uncertainty and fear. Now, I don't feel that anymore. It's like a veil has been lifted and can see the world again. There are good people out there but they just need to be found. Refuse to let my WW define who I was or in retrospect the M.

Women are starting to catch my eye (and me theirs, hopefully) right now but have to stop myself and get through the task at hand which is the S/D. It wouldn't be fair to the next person. I'm happy to be my own company and relish the freedom of being single again.

*Edited for grammar and flow*

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 6:19 AM, August 24th (Monday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 09:35 AM

Nice to see you relieved of this tremendous burden.

It feels a hell of a lot better, almost like a weight has been lifted. No longer do I have to worry about what she is doing and triggering off of that. Saturday night had a nice pizza with sausage, mushroom, bacon, and spinach because I could. Last night it was ribeye and to tell you the truth that was the best damn steak I've ever had .

I'm doing whatever the hell I want to now .

thatbpguy posted 8/24/2020 09:42 AM

I'm doing whatever the hell I want to now.

I don't know if you post things on any social media (FB , Instagram...) where your STBXW can see it, but if so, I'd post a storm of happy you. Eating a steak, doing this, doing that and loving life. As her relationship falls apart with the POSOM, her issues will really come home to her to roost.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 10:04 AM

WW is pretty much blocked from all my socials. Do not care what she is doing and glad that train wreck has left the station. I'm just going to leave her be, happy to be done. Going total NC and if she is unblocked there will be a tendency to pain shop and I don't want to do that because she no longer has control over me.

thatbpguy posted 8/24/2020 11:45 AM

^^^ A very fair point.

Bigger posted 8/24/2020 11:51 AM

I think it's a terrible idea to base HBNC happiness on his ex wife's misery.
It's detach detach detach.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 12:18 PM

Thanks Bigger!!! I'm definitely detaching from her and don't want to give her rent-free space in my head anymore. She's the one losing out, not me.

Westway posted 8/24/2020 13:20 PM

Congratulations!

Outoflove2020 posted 8/24/2020 13:28 PM

I'm definitely detaching from her and don't want to give her rent-free space in my head anymore. She's the one losing out, not me.

I've followed your story and I'm so happy for you that you have got to this place. I really am. It's so good to see someone who has gone through this shit pile of steaming shit get to a place where they realise their worth, their value, and know that they deserve all the good things. Kudos to you.

I wish I could get there. I'm still in the pit. I hope to be where you are in the future.

KingofNothing posted 8/24/2020 14:31 PM

Going total NC and if she is unblocked there will be a tendency to pain shop and I don't want to do that because she no longer has control over me.

Amen to that. I unblocked my ex after three years and found out, meh, it's not triggering me at all. Who cares any more?

I sincerely hope changing the locks will be a high priority for you right now. Your landlord won't care if you want to go to Home Depot and find a new set of locks, as long as he has access.

Best of luck, glad you got out of that mess with the happy ending you deserve. I hope the kids are doing as well as they can.

Westway posted 8/24/2020 15:23 PM

heartbrokeninNC as you gain distance and clarity with this separation, you will begin to look back on the marriage and see how your WW was actually more of a burden to you than a benefit. Your mind will reveal, slowly, memories of things she did or unusual circumstances that, at the time, you couldn't figure out or were not paying enough attention to notice. You will realize that her dishonesty and manipulation goes back further and more deeply than you had initially remembered, because the love goggles will be off and you will obtain more clarity of thought. That is where I am at now. I will be just there doing something and a random memory will pop into my head, a memory of something I had not thought of for many years, and then I will put two and two together and realize that was yet another episode where my STBXWW was being dishonest or lying to me. And I grab a pen and write it down in a small spiral notebook I keep on my desk. I am up to 132 items now: forgotten instances that my mind has slowly revealed to me since I left my WW.

I think us guys are exceptionally gullible and susceptible to guile and dishonesty from our wives, because we get too comfortable and complacent in our relationship. I know I did. I won't make that mistake again that's for sure.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:26 PM, August 24th (Monday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/25/2020 08:51 AM


I wish I could get there. I'm still in the pit. I hope to be where you are in the future.

Outoflove2020, I've been following your story also and through your NC posts. You're farther along than you think and do not let your WBF determine or define who you are. It's his loss!!! Keep marching forward with your head held high as this too shall pass. The light at the top of the pit gets brighter every day because you are leaving your WBF further down. Just.Keep. Climbing.

You will get there and everyone here is cheering you on!!! Just keep posting.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 8:52 AM, August 25th (Tuesday)]

Buffer posted 8/25/2020 09:25 AM

Brother, may the sun shine on you and the breeze be on your back, away from infidelity you go.
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/26/2020 20:20 PM

Thank you so much Buffer!!! Each day is getting better and better. There is so much peace and calm in the house now it's something else. For all those years the WW gaslighted me and told me that I was the reason for all the tension in the house.

On a more positive note, I dropped off my S paperwork with the attorney to file .

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