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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 10:25 AM

I caution you not to speak badly of their mother when she is gone. They know what she has done.
I would recommend that when the time is right that you encourage them to maintain some type of relationship with their mother.

Regardless of everything she has done she is still the only mother they will ever have.

I absolutely will not speak badly of her in their presence. Catch myself doing it then stop, it's very hard. DD16 is very vocal about her disdain for WW. I've spoken with all of them about maintaining a relationship and that they'll know when the time is right.

Bigheart2018 posted 8/20/2020 11:02 AM

It is my opinion with all due respect; It is up to the wayward to maintain her relationship with your kids. I agree with not speaking badly about their mother and only stays neutral.

Best,
Bigheart

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/20/2020 11:35 AM

Bigheart2018, that is so true. WW is going to have to be the one to reach out to the kids and make everything right. It depends on how big of an overture she makes and "if" she is sincere enough to not make it about her.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/21/2020 06:10 AM

One more day left of WW (hopefully). Counting down the hours here and after that, I won't have to hear how she is entitled to her A and the ensuing gaslighting. POSOM keeps asking to come and help her move (according to WW) and that she keeps telling him no (who knows it could be the other way around with WW asking and POSOM telling her hell no). She is trying to stoke a confrontation because her legal ground is like jello and has no standing because of adultery. Letting it be known to her that if he interjects one more time into this D all bets are off and I'm legally coming after him for alienation of affection and criminal conversation. Tired of my boundaries being pushed.

fooled13years, you're right she is making herself look good for the kids and asking if they are going to come and visit her. They just walk away for the most part.

dblackstar2002 posted 8/21/2020 07:30 AM

Kids are not dumb, In fact most are very smart and can see right through BS. Your kids seem very aware of what is going on and who is responsible for the end of your marriage. Good luck in your future dude. I think in time it will be bright...

Ginny posted 8/21/2020 07:38 AM

“She is trying to stoke a confrontation”

Your mantra for the next 24 hours...

“I am a gray rock”
“I am a gray rock”
“I am a gray rock”
“I am a gray rock”
“I am a gray rock”
“I am a gray rock”

You’ve got this. 👍

fooled13years posted 8/21/2020 07:46 AM

It is up to the wayward to maintain her relationship with your kids

Agreed, however, anyone who were friends with a couple who went through a breakup knows that it can be awkward to maintain a relationship with one or both people.

heartbrokeninNC it would be wise for you to let your children know that you will not feel betrayed by them should they choose to maintain a relationship with their mother.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/21/2020 08:05 AM

it would be wise for you to let your children know that you will not feel betrayed by them should they choose to maintain a relationship with their mother.

I've already let them know this and since they are older teenagers (19, 18 and 16) it will be up to them if they want to have an adult relationship with her. Won't look at it as a betrayal since she is still their mother. Just do not want to hear what she is up to as this is a violation of NC for myself.

Tigersrule77 posted 8/21/2020 09:39 AM

Just do not want to hear what she is up to as this is a violation of NC for myself.

As your kids are older, it will probably be less of an issue. I end up hearing a little about XWW, as my kids are 13, 13 and 15. I ask them about their time at their mom's and what they did, especially if it was their weekend away. I suppose my point is, don't be surprised if your kids did go to visit their mother and talk to you about the trip. It won't be intentional to spill any beans, but something may come up.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/21/2020 10:50 AM

It won't be intentional to spill any beans, but something may come up.

Just like when WW took DD16 out to lunch the other day. We (DD and I) sat down for pizza the next day and she spilled everything. Did not probe her so I understand that it happens.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/22/2020 09:04 AM

Today is the day that I've been waiting for since DDay. WW signed the separation paperwork yesterday as she said she would on her last day of work. Even got her part notarized there . There were no line outs or addenda to anything in the agreement, which is good.She agreed to everything! As my end of the bargain, let her know that I would pack her car up which I did. It was one little compromise that could be made which got her out of the house faster. Packed the car to the gills with all of her stuff to the point she can only see out of the side mirrors. As some have stated here, she did become emotional last night to try and sway me but was not having any of it . WW brought this on herself and overstepped the boundaries of the M. Reality finally set in and now she has to make it work with POSOM regardless.

This had to be done!!!

STBXWW left here this morning and is on her way to POSOM out of state now. It was very anti-climatic and felt a sense of calm come over me as she was driving away. Very surreal!! Sent her a final text that we are officially NC and not to contact me if it doesn't pertain to the kids, finances or S/D.

Good Riddance!!!!!!!

I am now free to start the healing process!!!

Justsomeguy posted 8/22/2020 09:37 AM

HBNC, I am glad that you are out of that mess. Churchill said it best, that this is the end of the beginning. You are entering a new phase in your healing journey, with it own unique challenges. Remember this simply truth: healing is non linear. Hit took me a bit to learn this and it sucks.

I am about to be in my new place for a full year after a year of nesting in the old place. Every second week I moved out while the kids stayed put. It was hell. Once I got my own space, I relaxed and the true grieving started. I still have my intensely sad days, but I now know that the feeling is temporary. It passes and I once again move forward in my healing. As the anger passes, give yourself permission to feel everything and learn to forgive yourself. One lesson I had to learn was it's okay to not be strong enough. Sometimes I needed a leg up to make it one more day. You can do this.

Newlifeisgreat posted 8/22/2020 10:13 AM

Congratulations. This has been a long time coming. Now stay focused on yourself and kids.

It just wondering, what that hell could she be trying to get you to sway on? What could she have possibly said that wasn’t the ravings of a insane woman?!?

Welcome to the other side. Enjoy the sunshine

Buster123 posted 8/22/2020 11:07 AM

Congratulations, you handled it great, just curious could you elaborate a bit more on this ?:

As some have stated here, she did become emotional last night to try and sway me but was not having any of it

I will have a toast in your name today . I know that indifference is what we advocate here but something tells me the karma bus will be hitting her in the not too distant future, if it happens and you feel like it at the time, please give us an update. Stay here with us to help others based on your experience.

Good riddance !!!

rugswept posted 8/22/2020 11:37 AM

Free at last, you're free at last, Thank God Almighty you're free at last.

If you happen to have a few moments of sad reflection because it ended this way, just wait, you'll feel so much better after you get up a few days in a row knowing it's another day without that cheating lying WW.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/22/2020 12:09 PM

Justsomeguy, thank you so much for the advice and will definitely heed it. Starting to clean up around here and it is funny that I have more energy to do that or it could be the fact that its keeping my mind busy for the time being.

As some have stated here, she did become emotional last night to try and sway me but was not having any of it

Buster123, that was mainly from all the posts that I have been reading on where the WS will try one last ditch effort to come back into our good graces. That was one of the nuggets of information that stuck with me.

Stay here with us to help others based on your experience.

Definitely going to be hanging around here and will give some advice and advocate for the BS. Y'all have helped me out immensely and the advice was invaluable. Ironically, it is eleven months to the day that the A started.

It just wondering, what that hell could she be trying to get you to sway on? What could she have possibly said that wasn’t the ravings of a insane woman?!?

She was just trying to get underneath my skin and make me guilty for kicking her ass out. It didn't work as I just walked away letting her know that she brought this on herself. WW didn't think I would D her ass and would rugsweep. Thank God that didn't happen.

Sharkman posted 8/22/2020 12:25 PM

This is the first day of an awesome new adventure for you. Best of luck and congratulations on the fresh start!

Buster123 posted 8/22/2020 12:27 PM

Buster123, that was mainly from all the posts that I have been reading on where the WS will try one last ditch effort to come back into our good graces. That was one of the nuggets of information that stuck with me.
Oh yeah, very common, they typically almost always try to remain "good friends" to assuage her guilt and to be able to tell mutual friends and everyone else "we're still good friends" which to them means they're still a great person and if my BS was able to do that others should follow suit and keep her image intact.

ChamomileTea posted 8/22/2020 13:41 PM

I am now free to start the healing process!!!

Congratulations!! Although, I suspect you're well on your way to healing. You already seem so much better than your earlier posts.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/22/2020 14:58 PM

Congratulations!! Although, I suspect you're well on your way to healing. You already seem so much better than your earlier posts.

Thank you so much, Chamomile Tea!!! That means a lot coming from you. I've been reading up on your posts in the D/S forum and this one. Those posts gave me strength to move forward and to put on my "big boy pants".

As for the healing, it's getting there. Just taking each day as it comes. The pseudo False R (or was it the "pick me dance") at the beginning of the year gave me the closure that was needed and saw WW for what she really was this past spring. The mask really did come off and from that point forward the mission was to extricate myself from the infidelity, permanently.

I'm not scared anymore!!

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