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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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Bigheart2018 posted 8/11/2020 09:06 AM


HNC has made his decision in regards in helping and not helping. You are the guide, so it should end there.


heartbrokeninNC posted 8/12/2020 11:15 AM

Bigger, thank you so much for your insight on this. The advice you have given here has been invaluable and I've used quite a bit of it. The old SI adage is quite true to use the information that we need.

thatbpguy posted 8/12/2020 11:49 AM

heartbrokeninNC, you should plan a party for the day she leaves. Music, food... the whole thing. And let her know she needs to be out before the fun begins.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/12/2020 18:53 PM

thatbpguy, I was thinking the same exact thing! That weekend is a payday and I will definitely go out and treat myself. Its the end of the beginning, a new journey that will finally put WW and POSOM in the rearview.

Buffer posted 8/12/2020 19:59 PM

Have a party with streamers, marching band, kegs of beer, friends and family.
STBX, can you be gone by 11.00 please, the fun starts at midday. I donít need the fun police still here, complaining that she wasnít invited.

Buster123 posted 8/12/2020 20:12 PM

If I was you I would probably invite family and close friends on her last night, get balloons and a big banner that reads "Freedom Rocks !!!"

Buffer posted 8/12/2020 20:18 PM

That works buster^^^

Bigger posted 8/13/2020 05:56 AM

What Iím all about in your case is removing her ability to impact you. Best way to do that is to get her out of the home ASAP.

Imagine this scenario: Imagine you are on the 10th floor of a building and the fire-alarm goes off. The only way out to safety is the stairwell. You are going as fast as you can but right ahead of you is a person that is too slow. No way to get past her. If you slightly push her you are making her go faster, basically helping her to safety quicker. But you are also helping YOU to safety. Whom are you really helping with that push?
Thatís the way I see it Ė any action that getís her out is probably worth it.
But then Ė maybe your best option is that you and son take long walks in the park, go fishing, ride bikes, go to a shooting range or driving range or whatever, leaving her time and space to pack her stuff.

Personally I would plan a nice evening out with son the day she leaves. I would not give her the option to hang around simply to get at you if she realized there was company coming. Best way to win drama-queens can often be to remove their stage.
I would then start the first day of freedom in removing anything that is left that is hers or refers to her. Make your home yours.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/13/2020 06:39 AM

Bigger, don't get me wrong, I absolutely understand where you are coming from. I'm just very reluctant to help her out since she has a history of taking a mile from an inch. After some consternation though, I'll help her pack the car on the condition that she also signs the S paperwork since she wants to leave the M so badly. That was my compromise and will be the very last one that I ever give her. The faster it gets her tail out of the house the better.

Infidelity sucks!!!

Bigger posted 8/13/2020 06:42 AM

Get her to sign before you lift anything.
Best of all would be to get her to sign without helping at all.

I got the mile for an inch problem. Thatís why I wouldnít put it beyond her to still be around when the people arrive for the party. Thatís why I suggest removing her stage.

It has nothing to do with whatís best for her or being kind and nice or supportive of her. Everything to do with YOU.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/13/2020 07:32 AM

I've already stipulated to her that they will be signed before anything is moved to the car. Looking out for MY best interests and to minimize the hurts. Already let it be known to her if she starts her drama I'm walking and she can take care of it after the paperwork is signed.

fooled13years posted 8/13/2020 07:52 AM


she can take care of it after the paperwork is signed

Boss has a sign that reads No project starts or is finished until the paperwork is done.

If she is using a car to move she must not have much stuff or she will need to make several trips.

Does the S paperwork include language that states you will be having the locks changed?

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/13/2020 10:48 AM

WW has her vehicle that she has been using to transfer her things to POSOM over the course of the last month. She's moved quite a bit of her things already. Been doing a high amount of thrift store runs to drop off the old clothes that she hasn't worn in ages, that in itself is cathartic! As for the locks it is in the agreement that I will be changing them. Also been thinking about getting storage locker for her and putting it in her name and have them send her the bill.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 6:39 AM, August 14th (Friday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/14/2020 06:40 AM

*Update* Last night 8/13, WW asks me if she can keep some of her stuff in the closet and around because she can't fit it all (that's what a U-haul is for). Let her know firmly and strongly that I'm not going to allow that since she can come running back if this doesn't pan out with POSOM (WW having second thoughts :thinking:). WW still does not get it and thinks she can come and go without any regard for my healing or moving on!! After 8/22 it will be full NC with the exception of the kids and S/D. I will not be dragged into the hellish pit of infidelity ever again!

My house will never be her safe spot again, that is for me and the kids.

Lalagirl posted 8/14/2020 06:51 AM

Damn, HBNC; she sure has some big-ass kahunas for a chick!

Good for you for standing your ground. She can't come traipsing in at will since the locks will be changed upon her departure, thank god. If she tries, then shit gets legal.

Hang in there - the weeks are now only days!

Bigger posted 8/14/2020 06:54 AM

No Ė not going to suggest you store her stuff 😊
Stay strong on that stance. The key to your personal recovery is detachment and that will be so much easier if you donít constantly have reminders of her in the house.
She can get her mom to store the stuff or rent storage. Not your issue.

Buffer posted 8/14/2020 07:05 AM

True bigger^^^

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/14/2020 07:54 AM

Will absolutely not store her stuff on my dime. SCREW THAT!!! Thought about moving it to storage and then leaving the POSOM address at the front desk. They can bill her !!!!

Lalagirl, that absolutely floored me when she asked. The crazy part was that she was absolutely serious and nonchalant about it. There isn't any remorse and the A fog is really thick. She really does not care about anyone else but herself and it shows. Can't wait for the karma train to make a stop at her station.

Butforthegrace posted 8/14/2020 08:09 AM

Get a moving pod, load her stuff in it, and then ask for the address she'd like it shipped to.

siracha posted 8/14/2020 08:41 AM

Oh hell no buddy

Tell her ď absolutely not , that wouldnt be fair to my next girlfriend . I am done with care taking for you and your things.
Please take what you want and ill donate the rest to the salvation army or throw them away ď
make sure you get the convo on tape

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