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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 6/15/2020 12:57 PM

It's been a couple of months since I posted my last update to my post back in February. The link has since been closed.

Here is the link for folks to get caught up:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=643318&HL=72472

Left off where me and WW went up to Great Lakes to see my daughter graduate from Navy Boot Camp around the beginning of February.

After the trip to Great Lakes was over everything was going smoothly to where she was not having any contact (or so I think) with the AP. Who knows, they were probably texting and talking with each other the whole time. Anyhow, pretty much gave her the ultimatum in March to go NC but she stated that she could not do so and that it was not enough time to make the decision. This raised red flags all the way to the top of the flag pole and then some.

April went and came without having WW go to consummate the affair for that month.

Came May and WW states to me that she is going to SC to get nails done with a friend that lives 4 hours away on the other side of the state. My thoughts were that her friend lives 20 minutes from the SC border and why would she come west to meet WW. Surmised that she was seeing AP but let her put her ruse up. WW even stated where she was staying at (possibly to stoke a confrontation). Eventually called WW and told her she was fucking around and had her admit it. She also went to go meet him at the beginning of this month.

I'm finally done with her!! The silver lining out of her screwing around was that it allowed me to build a stronger case against her and add to the timeline. Also have evidence that she is funding the whole affair. Got the bank statements to back it up.

Right now, I've retained a shark lawyer and he comes very highly recommended. I've filed for separation and have changed the deposit of my checks to a personal account. She will not be getting any of my retirement or investments. Not only am I filing on grounds of Adultery but also financial impropriety.

I've been working on myself a lot lately. Eating healthy and staying in shape. Since DDay I've lost about 25 pounds through diet and exercise. My confidence is back!! Trying to get through this crucible along with the kids who pretty much do not want anything to do with her.

My kids are:
DD19, she is in the Navy and not living at home.
DS17 soon to be 18, he is trying to figure out his way in the world.
DD16, was the discoverer of the affair and is pretty much NC with WW. She is living at home and has opted to stay with me come hell or highwater.

Those 3 kids are the best thing to come out of the marriage and I have let them know that each and everyday.

I have gone NC and working on the 180. This has been working very well. WW now has to do everything on her own while I sit on the computer or play my guitar as loud as I can.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 1:09 PM, June 15th (Monday)]

fareast posted 6/15/2020 13:27 PM

Thank you for the update. I am sorry it had to come to this, but you have taken firm action that will pay huge dividends in the long run. Continue to focus on you and your needs.

[This message edited by fareast at 9:37 PM, June 26th (Friday)]

NeverTwice posted 6/15/2020 13:46 PM

Wow - thank you for the update!

play my guitar as loud as I can.

Rock on brother! Now you can live your best life free from lies and deceit.

Chaos posted 6/15/2020 14:25 PM

I'm sorry it came to this. But you sound like you are kicking ass and taking names.

My confidence is back!!

That makes you invincible. Rock on!

Buster123 posted 6/15/2020 14:31 PM

Since your WW is funding the A, it seems OM doesn't have much money, however that's just a guess and it wouldn't hurt to ask your attorney about a possible alienation of affection lawsuit against him, either now or after the D is final. Remember your STBXWW is now the enemy, protect your assets and family, your children are old enough and will most likely stay with you based on what you posted, therefore you also have a child support (at least for a few more years) case to bargain with, if need be.

Stinger posted 6/15/2020 15:18 PM

Sounds good. Jettison this cancerous POS. Glad your kids know.

KingofNothing posted 6/15/2020 15:57 PM

Dude, fantastic. Great Update. You were one of those threads that disappeared and I hoped she hadn't steamrolled you. You have truth on your side. Best of luck going forward!

Right now, I've retained a shark lawyer and he comes very highly recommended. I've filed for separation and have changed the deposit of my checks to a personal account. She will not be getting any of my retirement or investments. Not only am I filing on grounds of Adultery but also financial impropriety.

Nice touch. You know you can recover half of what she's spent on her love nests in the divorce, I hope..

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 4:00 PM, June 15th (Monday)]

GoldenR posted 6/15/2020 19:09 PM

Has she been served?

I remember you saying it was immenant and was happening at her work.

Did it happen?

Buffer posted 6/15/2020 19:48 PM

Strength brother, release the legal beagle and savage STBXWW and her AP. Be there for the children and have STBX served at the most in appropriate time. She can pay Child support and spousal support. Also savage the OM he knew she was married sucks to be FBG!
One day at a time
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/15/2020 20:18 PM

She has not been served yet. The lawyer that I met with back in January wouldn't take my military pension of the table and wouldn't look at the evidence I had against her.

Retained a new lawyer last Thursday and he is taking all my retirement off the table and if she tries to go after it or the AP interjects himself into the D there is an Alienation of Affection suit coming his way.

I'll update more in this thread as I'm on my phone right now.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/15/2020 20:21 PM

Double post.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 8:25 PM, June 15th (Monday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/15/2020 20:39 PM

Thanks everybody!! Figured I owed an update as to what was going on with myself. Thought I could change WW and did the pathetic "pick me dance" which I'm very ashamed of now looking back on it.

Since your WW is funding the A, it seems OM doesn't have much money, however that's just a guess and it wouldn't hurt to ask your attorney about a possible alienation of affection lawsuit against him, either now or after the D is final.

Playing this card very close to the chest right now. If AP decides to make himself a nuisance me and the attorney will forge ahead on this path to get him to back off. I do know that he does not make very much and can force him into bankruptcy easily.

You were one of those threads that disappeared and I hoped she hadn't steamrolled you.

She almost did unfortunately. Was able to snap out of it.

Strength brother, release the legal beagle and savage STBXWW and her AP. Be there for the children and have STBX served at the most in appropriate time. She can pay Child support and spousal support. Also savage the OM he knew she was married sucks to be FBG!

Thanks brother Buffer. You've opened my eyes a lot more lately and thanks for being there.

More to follow and will try to keep everything rolling here. WW should be getting the letter here shortly that I've retained counsel along with being served. Will have to talk with the attorney tomorrow to see where in the process it is.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/16/2020 06:23 AM

I donít know if you ever exposed her to family and friends.

WW has been exposed to my family and DD16 was the one who told her side of the family. WW is estranged from her family also (such a lovely person ).

Tigersrule77 posted 6/16/2020 07:02 AM

Good job taking control of your life. Hopefully your STBXWW will take a reasonable approach to the D and it will go smoothly. However, seeing as she is a very selfish person, I wouldn't count on it. Glad your attorney is aggressive and is going to fight for you. Best of luck to you!

DoinBettr posted 6/16/2020 08:01 AM

I am glad you a going with divorce. Expect steam roller round #2 when reality settles in.
You know she is going to be upset she isn't getting her way anymore.
As for DD16 - I have lots of divorced friends. Funny thing, once a kid gets past 15, by even a day, the courts let them choose where they go unless a restraining order is in place. It has to do with the fact she can emancipate if she really wants to, it is just a couple hundred dollars. Plus then no child support, unless that is favorable to you. Use it as leverage for your pension.
Now to the kick in the nuts. Divorce sucks. You are going to lose something. Anyone who is divorced will tell you they are expensive emotionally and monetarily. Very few people walk away from them feeling great. Just something to reflect on.
Good luck and glad you are staying strong. Guard yourself for round 2 of that steamrolling.

nekonamida posted 6/16/2020 08:19 AM

I'll admit it. I was skeptical and afraid that you were going to rugsweep this as much as possible back when you first posted but I'm so glad you turned out to be a rock star instead! Congrats! Good on you for laying low and getting the info you needed to come out ahead in D.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/16/2020 08:53 AM

I was skeptical and afraid that you were going to rugsweep this as much as possible

WW actually thought I was going to do it but it went against every fiber of my being. With that being said I was starting to lose face in front of the kids. So just laid low like you said and built the case. WW is a very sociopathic narcissist.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 9:00 AM, June 16th (Tuesday)]

steadychevy posted 6/16/2020 09:04 AM

Carry on with strength. Good for you. Shitty situation but you will survive and thrive. Sounds like you're already on the way.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/16/2020 09:08 AM

Thanks steadychevy!!! Staying strong right now but have to do it for the kids.

Let WW know she can do whatever the hell she wants to do and I don't care about her anymore. Looking at her I'm more and more repulsed to ever believe I loved that POS.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 9:13 AM, June 16th (Tuesday)]

Dismayed2012 posted 6/16/2020 11:18 AM

Thanks for the update hb. Wishing you well and hoping for a speedy disillusion for you. Continue to take care of yourself.

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