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Only an Emotional Affair?

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Marz posted 2/18/2020 16:49 PM

I had a guy friend who my husband swore I was having an affair with. I never had feelings for him other than friendship. He was like my little brother to me. However, apparently he admitted to my H that he had feelings and if anything happened between my H and I he would try to take his chance. I did NOT know this and when I found out I cut off all contact with him and havenít spoken to him in over a year.

This is a good example of the follies of opposite sex friends.

So what was your H supposed to think?

In Randoms case there are way to many red flags to sweep this under the rug.

Marz posted 2/18/2020 16:54 PM

After I told his wife that he and my wife went on a private 3 hour thingy he said some stupid stuff to me. I believed nothing happened on that hike so I was kind to him. But he was being an ass and made it clear he felt I was making everything up and this is all on me. He never contacted me again.

Cheaters lie a lot.

The problem is even if this guy is out of the picture donít think it canít happen again. Thereíll always be another guy and the capability is there.

Repeats happen. 1, 2, 5, even 10 or 15 years down the road.

She doesnít fix herself do you want to go through this again?

No truth, no remorse then you have zero to work with.

Better put your thinking capon.

Walkingthewire posted 2/18/2020 17:43 PM

Marz: I agree. What was he supposed to think? But for years (19 to be exact) he was my friend. Even before I started dating my husband, he was my friend. I never saw him as anything but.
If my H would have come to me when he found out this information, our friendship would have ended sooner. But he didnít. So I didnít know. If I donít know I canít fix it. I do believe I was naive and didnít think it was like that. We were in MC a year and a half ago and it all came out there. Over the years, when he asked I just said no, not ever and will never. He said ok and we moved forward. I canít go into the should have, could have and would have.

As for billing for pregnancy tests, those USED to be billed with the birth control as contraceptive management. Of course that could have changed. Iíve been out of the medical billing, coding and nursing game for 6 years.

BUT yes she could just give you the access to confirm her story and just clear it up with a couple phone calls.

oldtruck posted 2/18/2020 18:15 PM

men that cannot get their dream girl will orbit
around her for years hoping that one day her
current relationship will end he will have a shot at
her because he kept his foot in the door.

same way some women love the attention from being an
orbiter. they keep men in the friend zone orbiting
around them waiting for their chance at her.

there is no need for men an women to be friends.

HellFire posted 2/18/2020 19:27 PM

I have never gotten a mandatory pregnancy test at any doctor's appointment.

They will ask if I could be pregnant,before doing an exam,or procedure, and if I said yes,and it was important that they know before the procedure,then I'd take a pregnancy test.

But...you said the two of you hadn't had sex in years. So when asked that question, she should have said no. And there would be no test.

She is lying.

nekonamida posted 2/18/2020 19:57 PM

I agree with Hellfire. When the last time you had sex was, protected or not, is one of the first questions a doctor/gynecologist will ask if pregnancy is at all a concern. If she didn't give them reason to want a test, it's extremely unlikely that they would have done one.

And think about it - what's the chance of them erroneously testing her or billing her? Sure, it's not zero but is it bigger than the chance of her admitting to having sex recently when she has an OM, has zero accountability to her husband, and has been following the script of a cheater? Higher than the chance of a doctor ordering the test for no reason or mistakenly billing for something out of pocket like that. Chances are she's lying to you.

Ask yourself, honestly, why are you giving her so many chances to keep lying? Why do you hold on to her when she has not shown you even the slightest bit of movement towards R? What are you waiting for? Instead of going through a pointless, costly round of MC, buy copies of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Not Just Friends" instead. Book IC for yourself. See a lawyer. Get this show on the road because she is giving you NOTHING to work with.

RubixCubed posted 2/18/2020 22:03 PM

random123,
Between the pregnancy test, the behavior, the lies, and Victoria Secret stuff I think you know what really happened. I also think more happened than you will ever know. EA plus accessibility equals a PA.
What did your wife say about the Victoria Secret purchases?

It sounds like she's already pulling the plug because she doesn't want you to find out anything else. You need to move on and find a good woman.
How do you KNOW that she has had no contact with him in 2 months?

farsidejunky posted 2/18/2020 22:51 PM

Two things are abundantly clear.

1. You need to wake up. She was in a full fledged sexual relationship with the OM.

2. I RARELY use this term (as in maybe twice since joining this site) when discussing infidelity...but your WW is EVIL. The level of gaslighting she has accomplished with you is staggering...utterly mind blowing. Then couple it with the manipulation from the OM and it can be described no other way.

You know what happened. Let this one go. She is damaged. Sorry, man.

[This message edited by farsidejunky at 10:52 PM, February 18th (Tuesday)]

Buffer posted 2/19/2020 00:10 AM

There is so much going on between the two of them. Keep taking care of yourself. Also keep the communication lines open with his W. Your wife wants out of your marriage.
Buffer

Walkingthewire posted 2/19/2020 06:46 AM

Hellfire is right.

Sorry. I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt. You know whatís going on here. They had more than an EA.
She wants out but doesnít have the lady balls to say it. She wants to keep you on the back burner Incase her new fabulous life doesnít work out.
Donít let her do that to you.

Dismayed2012 posted 2/19/2020 09:38 AM

Everything I'm reading says that you don't want to believe what's clearly happened random123. Your WW had a physical affair with the OM. There's no such thing as an arbitrary annual pregnancy test. A person has to ask for a pregnancy test. If you're not having sex then there's no reason to ask and there's no reason for a doctor to prescribe it. Also, no innocent guy gets mad because you're questioning his interactions with your wife. An innocent person would simply tell you he's sorry that it looked that way and then offer to stop spending time without you there and agree to whatever actions you wanted them to take. Both of their behaviors prove that they had and were having sex together. Your wife wanting to separate proves she has a guilty conscience and she's separating and prepping for you to figure it out. Do yourself a favor and file for divorce. Take your life back. Choose not to live another day trying to convince yourself that what happened didn't happen; she's not worth it. You have a lot of good years ahead of you. Start today using them to make your life better and happier than it's ever been. Take care of yourself. I wish the best for you.

Butforthegrace posted 2/19/2020 10:54 AM

FWIW, it has been quite common here on SI to find that the WW and her AP have concocted a "story" about what happened between them and to stick stubbornly to their false narrative despite mounting evidence to the contrary. What you describe about your interactions with the POSOM smacks of that.

Walkingthewire posted 2/19/2020 14:00 PM

Dismayed: there is such thing as pregnancy testing for birth control. When a woman goes to a GYN for her annual pap, there is a urine pregnancy test done. The strip is also ran through a UA machine to check for anything off. It there is itís sent to the lab for culture.
This can also be done in family practice during a physical and pap.
There is no chance of me getting pregnant but I still get a urine pregnancy test/UA at every annual. The exception to this is complete hysterectomy.
Women can also take birth control for other reasons than contraception. Itís a liability if a UPT isnít done and birth control is given.

With that said OPís WW is into something. Whether itís an EA or a PA.... I donít know. Cheaters lie. But annuals are true. If sheís using that as an excuse I donít know either.

sorryforeverythi posted 2/19/2020 14:05 PM

I am sorry that you find yourself here. Based on what you wrote and your responses it looks like you are still in denial.

She is cheating on you.

She had sex with him multiple times.

She didn't go on the weekends retreats but she researched it.

Based on what you have written it seems she is deeply in love with this idiot, limerence or fog, whatever you want to call it.

Call a lawyer, get divorce papers started and give them to her.

See how she reacts.

She seems to be looking to leave.

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