My husband is WS. We've had two DDays. After DDay1..I said...don't ever lie to me, again. After DDay2, all bets are off. My husband misrepresented himself to me so I could not make an informed decision of who I was going to marry. We've been together for 23 years. He's lied to me for 17 of them. That's not a stat to be taken lightly.
I don't know that we need to divorce. I live in a state that recognizes legal separation. That may be enough.
My plan is that, indeed my husband would go elsewhere to sleep at night, if I decide that's what I want to do.
The truth is, as the breadwinner, I've already paid enough. And legal separation with my husband sleeping someplace that I don't give a crap where as long as it's cheap...it's the financially least damaging solution.
And, no, the location of where my husband sleeps at night does not affect any of my children. Now, my third co-slept with us from ages 3-5+. So, she would notice that one of us was gone. Otherwise, really, my kids (15, 12, 7, and 2) are NOT invited into our bedroom every evening. We are no longer needed for night-time parenting. My kids don't need two parents in the same home from say, 11-6:30 am. They just don't. And again, I'm not sure what sort of parenting my husband would be giving up....while my kids are sleeping.
I'll also share with you that I don't think there's anything my husband can do to regain my trust. Transparency? That's a joke. I cannot quit my job and follow him around 24/7...including going into restroom stalls with him. That's the only way I can trust, but verify.
My husband is comfortable looking directly into my eyes and lying...
Behavior is not an indicator. For years leading up to DDay2, he was very present, an active participant in family life, blah blah.
In short, he just incredibly good about hiding his behaviors.
He says he's really changed. Problem is, I can't jump into his mind and see into his heart to determine if it's just words again or if he's really has changed.
[This message edited by secondtime at 5:36 PM, January 15th (Wednesday)]