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Time heals

TellTailHeart posted 12/28/2019 23:20 PM

I was a WS. I know I canít change that Ė I did it. I hurt my BS more deeply than anyone else in his life. The A was a double betrayal with his BF. I am so thankful for SI Ė it opened my eyes. My BS shared it with me. I have been reading and absorbing so much. I made all and I mean all the mistakes. I come from a generation that believed that time heals all wounds and bury the bad stuff. D-day was 07/22/00 I avoided, lied, argued for 20 years Ė that is wrong and false. I needed to open the part of myself that had been sealed off and work with my BS through the timeline and reveal all secrets. It has not been easy but more we talk the better it gets. I have a long way to go before I can lift any of the pain, doubt and gain any real trust back. I am in it for the long run. There are no shortcuts. He is so worth it since he never stopped loving me and I am working on believing I am worthy of him.

WalkinOnEggshelz posted 12/29/2019 08:00 AM

Welcome to SI.

Are there any specific challenges you are facing right now that you could use some guidance with?

I hope you share more about your story.

TellTailHeart posted 12/29/2019 14:49 PM

Thank you WalkingOnEggshelz for reaching out and encouraging me to add more to our story. I have a hard time talking about it all and know the details are important to my BH. Stating the details include excuses and there are none that excuse what I did. Documenting it all will help us and may help others.

Tryingnotdying posted 12/29/2019 15:36 PM

I want to Thank WalkinOnEggshelz for reaching out to TellTailHeart as I am her BH. I read your story to her through my Tears as it hit so very close to Home. She never confessed the A to me even though deep down inside I knew the truth. I had questioned her for 1 plus years and was told it was just in my head or I was just under to much pressure with work and life but my Gut knew better. I found the one Email no spouse ever wants to find. It took me a Month to get up the nerve to confront her and even then she lied to me until I showed it to her. All I have ever wanted from that moment on was and is the truth. This has been the longest 20 years of my life, never once have I though of leaving her as she was and still is my Soulmate and best Friend. TellTailHeart has started to finally come out of the Fog as of 6/19. We are trying to work on her timeline which sad to say after 20 years is hard for her to remember exact dates and times and this is why coming clean from the start is so very important to both the BH and WS.

HellFire posted 12/29/2019 15:37 PM

I disagree. Time heals nothing. It's what you do with your time that heals..or doesn't.

Welcome. After 20 years of lies,and rugsweeping, healing won't be easy. It will be very,very hard. But not impossible.

[This message edited by HellFire at 3:39 PM, December 29th (Sunday)]

TellTailHeart posted 12/29/2019 15:49 PM

I agree time heals is not what I meant but BH thought my adding the word Not in my subject was too negative. With truth and work R will be possible with time. My BH said the adding not would signify that I was not only a former FWS but a quit'r. Nothing about this is easy - I won't quit.

WalkinOnEggshelz posted 12/30/2019 06:54 AM

The timeline is a good start. Figuring out how to navigate the healing process isnít easy. Itís not linear. I would recommend putting those excuses in your timeline as they were relevant to you at the time. Look at them and then break them down. Dig into those excuses deeper and deeper.

You will need to get comfortable talking about it if you want to get through this.

Read How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. Itís short and to the point. It will help both of you head in the right direction.

HellFire posted 12/30/2019 07:31 AM

You need to be able to write, what you are feeling, what's in your head and heart, without your BS editing it for you. No disrespect towards him, but how can you get the help,support, and advice you need, if he is going to tell you what to say? He needs to post on his own thread for suppprt and advice, and allow you this space.

And I'm a BS. I typically tend to side with the BS. He wants you to heal, so he needs to let you do that by not telling you what to say.

TellTailHeart posted 12/30/2019 12:32 PM

I have read How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair (we both have because it has been referred to on multiple sites & it opened more discussions). My BS and I are having honest discussions and that is shown by our talking about my post and he did not tell me what to write. The timeline has been worked on for a couple of months. I did my NC letter (because I needed to for both of us) - these steps are necessary. And I have written out my story with all its ugly info).

TellTailHeart posted 2/8/2020 06:29 AM

BS & I are going for our first counseling on Tuesday 02/11/2020. Hoping for help and guidance for restoring our M.

TellTailHeart posted 2/8/2020 06:29 AM

We did a lot of research to find a counselor even within 100 miles.

[This message edited by TellTailHeart at 6:34 AM, February 8th (Saturday)]

Hurtmyheart posted 2/9/2020 00:31 AM

The truth shall set you free. I believe the truth heals.

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