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Affair Recovery

SeekingABetterMe posted 12/19/2019 17:45 PM

I just started with a new therapist that specializes in Infidelity. First meeting in she was pushing for me to do the Affair recovery courses, ideally the EMS online or the Hope for healing for me the WW. She was very quick to push for these and it sounds like she worked with them or still does.
My BH and I both felt it was a little like a sales pitch (although he wasn't there so he is just going by what I told him). I was just wondering if anyone had an insight into either of these programs.
If this has been discussed elsewhere previously I apologize for the repeat.

SI Staff posted 12/21/2019 18:25 PM

Bump

Onlyjan posted 12/21/2019 19:15 PM

I would definitely do the courses. My husband and I did HH and H4H with AR. Far, far cheaper than the marriage counselling, and you had coursework and weekly call in sessions with people in your same position. Iím still in touch with several ladies from my group, and itís been 2.5 years. It is an excellent place to start your recovery work. In fact, I still participate on the general forum here.

Onlyjan posted 12/21/2019 19:15 PM

I would definitely do the courses. My husband and I did HH and H4H with AR. Far, far cheaper than the marriage counselling, and you had coursework and weekly call in sessions with people in your same position. Iím still in touch with several ladies from my group, and itís been 2.5 years. It is an excellent place to start your recovery work. In fact, I still participate on the general forum here.

EvolvingSoul posted 12/21/2019 19:54 PM

Hi there SeekingABetterMe,

I don't have any familiarity with those courses but if it feels like a sales pitch why not just ask your therapist if she has any financial stake in it?

Onlyjan posted 12/21/2019 22:10 PM

I honestly donít know what a therapist would get out of him doing courses with AR. It is a leading infidelity site. You do 17 weeks of coursework and it is maybe $500, and they give nurseries to those who need it. It is FAR cheaper than IC. The counsellor I was seeing charges $175 an hour, and they hadnít been in my shoes and didnít have the insight. When you do a course at affair recovery, it is led by someone in your position. So a forme rhnfaithful in this case. I have no stake in the site at all. Iím a journalist in Canada. Iím just giving my opinion. You so real coursework and assignments and they focus on empathy and putting yourself in your apouseís Shoes. For example, in one week you may write them a letter after you determine the costs of your affair etc. They also have a lot of resources and a recovery library and forums like these for the unafaithful and the betrayed. He difference there is that it is a bit religious (and Iím not religious) but they donít push it on you. Also, men and women are completely segregated. If you are doing a course for the unfaithful, it would be geared for men only or women only. The experiences and emotions may be different and it is a safe space to talk with others in your shoes.

Onlyjan posted 12/21/2019 22:10 PM

I honestly donít know what a therapist would get out of him doing courses with AR. It is a leading infidelity site. You do 17 weeks of coursework and it is maybe $500, and they give nurseries to those who need it. It is FAR cheaper than IC. The counsellor I was seeing charges $175 an hour, and they hadnít been in my shoes and didnít have the insight. When you do a course at affair recovery, it is led by someone in your position. So a forme rhnfaithful in this case. I have no stake in the site at all. Iím a journalist in Canada. Iím just giving my opinion. You so real coursework and assignments and they focus on empathy and putting yourself in your apouseís Shoes. For example, in one week you may write them a letter after you determine the costs of your affair etc. They also have a lot of resources and a recovery library and forums like these for the unafaithful and the betrayed. He difference there is that it is a bit religious (and Iím not religious) but they donít push it on you. Also, men and women are completely segregated. If you are doing a course for the unfaithful, it would be geared for men only or women only. The experiences and emotions may be different and it is a safe space to talk with others in your shoes.

Onlyjan posted 12/21/2019 22:10 PM

I honestly donít know what a therapist would get out of him doing courses with AR. It is a leading infidelity site. You do 17 weeks of coursework and it is maybe $500, and they give nurseries to those who need it. It is FAR cheaper than IC. The counsellor I was seeing charges $175 an hour, and they hadnít been in my shoes and didnít have the insight. When you do a course at affair recovery, it is led by someone in your position. So a forme rhnfaithful in this case. I have no stake in the site at all. Iím a journalist in Canada. Iím just giving my opinion. You so real coursework and assignments and they focus on empathy and putting yourself in your apouseís Shoes. For example, in one week you may write them a letter after you determine the costs of your affair etc. They also have a lot of resources and a recovery library and forums like these for the unafaithful and the betrayed. He difference there is that it is a bit religious (and Iím not religious) but they donít push it on you. Also, men and women are completely segregated. If you are doing a course for the unfaithful, it would be geared for men only or women only. The experiences and emotions may be different and it is a safe space to talk with others in your shoes.

Sayuwontletgo posted 12/21/2019 22:56 PM

We just finished the EMSO and I would highly reccomend it. There is a scholarship that most people qualify for and you can end up only paying about 30-50$ for it. Theres also a 52 week aftercare program that's free and run by your group if they choose to.

It's a lot of work but I can honestly say it was well worth it. I dont see what a therapist would gain out of recommending something that's cheaper and more accessible than in person IC? Hope this helps, good luck : )

hopeforthefuture94 posted 12/23/2019 18:29 PM

Betrayed Spouse here. My Dday was 5 years ago and my WH has been really remorseful and had been working hard to prove he is now a safe partner for me. In Jan 2019 he and I started a program at my counselors office. Group therapy. The men go to their recovery classes and the women go to their betrayed recovery classes. It has been the BEST thing. There are homework assignments for both and it takes a couple years to graduate through all 3 phases but it has been amazing in both of our recovery. For my H it has taught him the ďwhysĒ of his actions and how to help me heal. He has started sharing his story of infidelity with his close church friends to be a warning story to them as well as take away the shame of what he did. I would highly recommend these type of recovery classes in whatever form is available where you live. I have the opportunity to talk to real people who understand infidelity and get the trauma and shame help I need. I realize I spent about 4 years stuck in trauma and the shame cycle before starting these classes.

On a side note Itís a good sign that you are looking to learn more on how to be a safe partner

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