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Anyone have kids after divorce?

aFurPiece posted 11/16/2019 19:01 PM

I'm new here and hoping that someone has an encouraging story to share with me.

The barebones of my story is that my WXH left me for the AP. D-day was a year and a half ago, and the divorce was a year ago. Throughout the affair, he and I were trying to get pregnant. I had no idea that it was going on or that anything was wrong in our marriage until he announced that he wanted to end things. He was as excited as me about starting a family until all of the sudden he was not. I learned about all of this about a month after I turned 35.

So I'm now 36 and starting to feel like I'm ready to date again. I've done a lot of healing work and am so, so, so much better than I was a year ago or 6 months ago.

But I also still very much want to have children and feel my biological clock ticking. It sometimes seems impossible that I will somehow find someone before my ovaries totally kick the bucket. Did anyone out there get a divorce in their mid-30s (or later!) with no children from their first marriage and then start over with someone new and had a family with them? I'm really hoping that there is because I feel like I need an example to point to and say: "See, they did it. It's not impossible." All of the examples I know of people having children with their second spouses were divorced earlier and settling down again when they were closer to my age now. I don't really know of anyone who started over at 36.

Thank you in advance!

P.S. Yes, I know that I am still young and still have time. Yes, I know that anything can happen in a year. (I learned that the hard way in 2018!) Yes, I know that there are other options like IVF and adoption, but I also started grad school (round 3) after my divorce and am not financially able to pursue those options.

Carissima posted 11/16/2019 19:29 PM

One of my best friends got divorced about 23 years ago. In her 30s, she was just beginning to dip her toe into the dating scene again when she fell hard and fast. By the end of the year they were living together with a new baby

20 years on they're still together, with 3 kids. Still not married, my friend's choice as her divorce nearly destroyed her but they're happy.

homewrecked2011 posted 11/16/2019 23:05 PM

Yes! I got D at age 31, met current xh at age 35, had 1 child at age 37, one at 39. I had all the red flags with xh, but ignored them. There were several nice guys I dated after my 1st D. I think any of them would have been ok with having a baby. I loved having kids later bc I really appreciated every moment.

I just got out there, went everywhere, talked to guys. I have 5 friends who met their 2nd H online, and they are all still very happily married.

aFurPiece posted 11/18/2019 11:55 AM

Thank you both for your responses

Adlham posted 11/18/2019 20:39 PM

Technically, I wasn't married. Also, I did have a kid already. But I met my husband and married him 16 years ago and had 2 kids with him, in my mid thirties.

secondtime posted 11/18/2019 21:41 PM

My SIL never married, but I know she was in at least one long term relationship before she met my BIL.

SIL had her kids at 43 and 45.

I also know women that just moved ahead with starting over, without a man.

I have a very dear friend..had a few husbands, actually, and had one biological child. Her bio child died in a car accident right before his high school graduation.

About a decade or so later, when she turned 50, she decided to adopt a girl from China.

My old superior's daughter was 40 and hadn't met anyone yet. She decided to have a child through IVF and donor sperm. She's still happy to partner up. Happy if she doesn't.

annanew posted 11/19/2019 05:00 AM

I was about your age upon divorce. I dated, even fell for one, but I didn't think he'd be a great person to raise a kid with. I knew he would spend Sundays just reading the paper while I tended to the kids and the entire household.

So as I approached 39, I decided to do it on my own. Joined a "single moms by choice" group. It was the right decision for me. I didn't want to rush into another partnership. I know quite a few single moms by choice who have partnered up after having their kids.

You might consider it. Single parenting is challenging but it's also liberating. You don't have to negotiate with anyone or attend to a spouse's needs, you can make all the parenting decisions. It's simple in a way.

I've got to be straight with you - I wouldn't wait too long. Before getting pregnant I thought it was sort of a binary thing - that being older reduced the chances of getting pregnant, but that once you got that plus sign you were all set. It's not like that. Risks both to you and to the baby go up as you get older. Don't let it scare you too much, just let it scare you enough to act. You might even consider freezing your eggs right now, just in case. A few years can make a difference.

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