Please try to realize that by trusting our WS we betrayed ourselves. Throughout my WW's LTA there were periods were my intuition was SCREAMING at me, and there were clear signs that I chose to ignore - all this because I trusted her and firmly believed that she would NEVER violate my trust.
This is a huge deal - I was abandoned by my parents and left to fend for myself on the street. My childhood was horrific (I wrote a book about it), so she knew I was fragile and had abandonment and trust issues from the onset of our relationship. In spite of all that, I made the conscious decision to trust her - believing that she knew the stakes and what another abandonment would do to me. And yet, she had her LTA, and used my trust of her against me.
So, trust is not coming back.
Admittedly, I'm an extreme case, but I believe that to some extent this is true of all BS's. Open media (facebook) and email and texting and phone conversations helps. Checking in helps. Using Live360 or the Apple equivalent helps. Even if every aspect of life is monitored, a determined WS could find a way to circumvent the surveillance and cheat again.
There is also the issue of what we don't know. How do we know what we don't know? I'm certain that my WW has held back some information - perhaps not deliberately, but it's impossible to tell a BS everything, and a strong motive not to when our reaction to learning the truth is tears and anger.
Additionally, there are things we can never know. Why did the affair really end? What our WS feels about their AP now? Are we 2nd choice because AP didn't want to leave their marriage? Does our WS still believe they and AP are soulmates, separated by fate and just making do with their lives with us? We can ask these questions, but there is no way to verify the answers, so lying about it would be easy and they can cleanly get away with it.
So, completely trusting our WS again, after we played that game and lost? No. That isn't likely to happen. Some trust? Yes, sure. But for the rest of my life I will see everything my WW does with a shadow of doubt.
ETA: the best you can do it be open with everything you do and everyone you see. Check in. Be honest. If you do this, over time, trust will slowly rebuild - but it will never be what it once was.
[This message edited by nightmare01 at 10:48 AM, October 9th (Wednesday)]