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When does it get easier?

Trixielee posted 8/20/2019 15:17 PM

So I posted a while back.. when I first Ďofficiallyí found out (I say that because I of course new all along but without proof didnít want to throw everything away)..

Anyway 4th Jan..

We tried to work through.. when we say we I mean for 2 weeks he made the effort and was leaving his phone around so I was beginning to see he was trying to build my trust.

Then he was back to being angry at me for Ďcontrollingí him.. showing my his phone when I asked but making a big thing of it so I wouldnít ask.. and showing meant he would hold and scroll.. he obviously never left it. Should have known really..

He said it was because he knew Iíd go through it and he hated the thought of me having control over his life and watching his every action... didnít see through the lies again..

I was so unhappy and IC helped me to see it wasnít me in the wrong which is how he made me feel.. I ended it..

3 months on Iím happier... but I canít help feeling unhappy when my 2 year old comes home mentioning this over woman.. the woman he cheated with.

He didnít want to be with me - fine - and obviously likes her for the time being... but I hate how he has his happy little family and Iím the one thatís been treated badly... itís so unfair!

Iím beginning to cope with the fact sheís in his life - to be honest Iím glad I havenít got to put up with the way he was anymore. Just feels so unjust that heís happy and Iím single...

LilBlackCat posted 8/20/2019 15:21 PM

This is something we all go through, in one form or another..

It is unfair, but at the same time.. It's still better than being actively cheated on.

BearlyBreathing posted 8/22/2019 14:23 PM

He freed you up to find the right partner. One that treats you right. In time you will see that he did you a favor (after being a complete @$$).

And DO NOT fall for the ďthey have a happy familyĒ mirage. It is a mirage. Their relationship might LOOK like it is good. But the house they built is on top of a pile of rubbish and when times get tough, it will not be able to withstand. Meanwhile you will be at a safe distance, healed and happy.

Your child knowing the OW- that is an unavoidable annoyance. I am sorry. But try to take some solace if she is treating your child well.

Time will do its thingó youíll get there.

Sending hugs.

HalfTime2017 posted 8/22/2019 16:09 PM

Why do you think its a happy little family? They are both cheaters, and will never be able to relax. That is unless they're psychopaths, who just don't care, and in either case, you're better off.

Being cheated on sucks, just like LBC said. Nothing is fair about it. If you're the high earner, now you have to pay the cheater. Theres just no justice in that. My ex tried to milk me for everything once I caught her cheating, and on top of that you lose your kids half the time. But you know what, life aint fair, and we have to find a way to move forward.

Hold you head up, things will get better. Your WH was classic blame shifting, and trying to guilt you when he was in the wrong. Glad you got the strength to leave. Let them have each other, things are never as rosy as they seem with these entitled cheaters. life is a facade for them, there is nothing genuine about it.

traicionada posted 8/24/2019 10:15 AM

Just feels so unjust that heís happy and Iím single...

Trixielee, have you started thinking what concrete steps you can take to find your happy single state?

nekorb posted 8/30/2019 23:44 PM

Try not to equate single with bad.

How unjust is it, really, that youíre free of a cheater and he is stuck with one that he has to pretend to like for the sake of social media?

Let go of giving a shit whether he is happy or miserable. Focus on yourself. He is a non-entity.

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