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The unknowable future

IfYouCanDream posted 7/11/2019 11:38 AM

[This message edited by IfYouCanDream at 9:30 AM, July 29th (Monday)]

deena04 posted 7/11/2019 21:38 PM

(((Ifyoucandream)))

This is a crappy piece we deal with after being cheated on. It's ok to second guess and not trust. That could save you down the road. You may find that eventually someone worth trusting and knows why you feel this way will EARN your trust and it may become easier to grant little bits of trust as you go. I still second guess, but my guy knows why I'm this way and what happened to me. I'm straightup about that. Be straight up and you'll find some people get it and try to make sure not to break your trust.

WhoTheBleep posted 7/11/2019 22:15 PM

IYCD, are you in IC? I still go once or twice a month. I am still processing traumas from my marriage, and post DDay, and post filing. Traumas similar to yours which I have either never mentioned here or not gone into detail about. Suffice it to say, our traumas are similar and I completely understand how you feel. I could NOT have gotten to where I am without IC. I also read many books and listened to dozens of podcasts on narcissism and other personality disorders. I literally had to reprogram my brain.

It will take time. Even with all that work I did on my own, it has still taken me almost 4 years to get where I am today. And I still have work to do.

I'm dating a wonderful man, but I am still not ready to be emotionally vulnerable with him. It's been just under 3 months, so still very new. But I do feel a softening of my heart, or at least the walls around it.

What you are feeling is normal. You've been through hell. You were abused in every way possible (like me) by the person you trusted the most. That's a big f***ing deal. But you can heal. And you can have fulfilling relationships. IC, IC, IC. With a good therapist.

Hugs to you. Don't let his abuse destroy you. You take care of you. No one else will.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:16 PM, July 11th (Thursday)]

HalfTime2017 posted 7/12/2019 17:39 PM

Ifyoucandream,

What you're feeling is totally normal. "Once bitten, twice shy". Don't feel bad about it, or think you cannot overcome this. It takes time, but your heart will soften at some point. Just like everything else in life, you'll have to learn not to loop everyone in together. Not all people are cheaters, although it seems like there are many of them out there. There are good folks around. Maybe don't start dating, but rather start your relationships as friends first, that way you can feel them out before getting intimate with.

The hardest thing for me and still has the most effect is missing my kids. I miss them when they're not around, and its truly the saddest part. I'm learning to enjoy that personal time when they're not around, but for me, the being away from the children really is the hardest part. I'll never get these valuable yrs back.

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