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Today I was walking through my local Safeway store, and as I walked past the flower section decided to take a look once again at the "swan shaped vase and red rose" that my FWH gave to another woman a few years ago. He said he gave it to her because her secretary said she was having a bad day, and he said that was because her husband had died 8 months before. I stood there and looked at this graceful clear Swan vase with the single red rose in it and the beautiful white ribbon wrapped around it. I thought, what man in his right mind would buy that and take it to a business "friend" because she was sad? It makes one statement when you look at it, Romance. Not "here, I know you're sad" This gift was four years after his almost 2 year A with another woman. I don't think I'll ever believe it was a sympathy gift. I don't think I'll ever find out if she was another A either. Life isn't fair.

You have been heard.

At the very least it showed piss poor boundaries. At most well, you know.

(((Smc)))

I agree. Anyone who knows anything knows a red rose is for love. At the least, this was your CH having a crush on another woman. Not cool!

Does it really matter whether or not you get definitive proof of how far it actually went? You can't R with someone who is still lying and keeping secrets.

Your instincts are most likely correct. He cheated. He lied. Red rose 🌹 = ❤️ Love. Those are the facts.

He’s a serial cheater based in your description of him.

Where are things now?

SMC, it seems to me that you're looking for a smoking gun when you have plenty of evidence of a beyond inappropriate relationship right in front of you. Inappropriate secret gifts, too much time spent together, too intimate conversation, the evidence you found of him having her in his car and lying about it, and the fact that he won't give her up and they both treat you like a crazy, jealous wife.

Even IF this isn't a PA, it's an EA and they are treating you disrespectfully. Why do you allow your WS to carry on with her and risk it becoming a PA?

Is he a gift giver? does he buy you gifts often?

or was this a rare instance?

Just a thought...

I don't think a married man should buy gifts for other women after A...it breaks the R and safety efforts...it takes you back to dday...and you start over....its not transparency...

At best, he could have discussed it with you, and asked what he should do, to make a coworker feel better...maybe do it together....maybe mind his own business...since he has cheated already...

it was a poor choice...He has learned nothing from the the first A...he doesn't care if it hurts again....he choosing to continue to hurt you...he sees it...he knows...

My XWH always bought the last of the few inexpensive bouquets, usually very crushed, and mostly brown... at the check out counter...for me. $3.97...he ordered flowers from a florist and had them delivered for the women he cared about...safeway? he wasn't investing much, but playing the game....

don't over analyze it....he still has cheating behavior after the first destruction....that's not trying ...that's not working on the marriage...at all.. You don't have to prove it...its ugly as it is..You don't have to know why.....

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 5:07 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]