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Lighthousegrl posted 6/27/2019 20:51 PM

Living in hopeville.
Read it’s not a friendly town for me
Told me he’s not happy; hasn’t been for ....years,....
Took him that long to verbalize.

Found out a girl he took a liking to.
“They hugged. “
Then confessed to “kissing”
then confessed to ...well.
The truth trickles.
He wanted to separate :
he wanted divorce..,,..convicted in his choice.
I found apt.
N started packing. Getting ready for move.

Then .
Found condoms.

He said it that’s “where it was going”......but “it didn’t get there”
25 years together.

22 years married
8y/o adopted daughter
4 moves in 4 years.

Not a happy marriage x 5 years.

I didn’t cheat.
I was in same unhappy place.
Just never imagine it would come to this.
I’m 4 weeks into new apt/ true physical separation.
He is on my mind constantly.

I’m owning up to my failures.
Yes. It’s been a rough ride for history’s sake - and I had resentment. Poor communication anger blame selfishness

Him. “It’s all your (my) fault”
He is “tired of being blamed for our failures. “......

I could give more history.
It’s both of us.
I didn't cheat.
I didn’t walk away physically.
I guess he equates him moving on to us being broken.
He has “no hope”. “No desire”........

And he says “I’m not with her “......and “does it matter if I’m with her or some one else “,,,,,

No parenting plan. No legal separation
No attorneys as of yet.
Part of our marriage issue: he never plans for tomorrow.

So I’m riding that.

Yea. N his dad passed away 6weeks ago.
He didn’t need nor want me there.
That was my father in law. For 22years.
I now know what a slug feels like when sprinkled with salt.

Yea. Hopeville sucks.
Don’t pass go.
Do not collect $200.00

I know.
It’s time to move on to where -ever -ville .

Hour by hour
Breath by breath.

This is suckville.
This is the town NO ONE EVER WANTS TO VISIT. A

Tallgirl posted 6/27/2019 21:55 PM

I am sorry for your agony.

He should not blame you. It is his choice.

He cheated. He is a cheater.

Sadly blaming the faithful is common.

Don’t believe him, believe in you. Love you. Move on without his negativity

OwningItNow posted 6/27/2019 22:33 PM


[This message edited by OwningItNow at 10:33 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

maise posted 6/28/2019 20:12 PM

I'm so sorry you're here. Just know this, it's not now nor ever will be your fault. You can only account for you, and he has to account for himself. You with your emotions, thoughts, actions, and him with his. Everything to observe from here has to do with accountability. Because in accountability we remove the victim and regain our power. Which was what I had to do with my cheating spouse, and what she ultimately has to do too. We each hold ourselves accountable in complete honesty to heal the wounds we create in our lives.

I know you're in pain. I am too. We can get out of this. And this comes from someone in depression. We got this. You got this. Don't give up on you.

[This message edited by maise at 3:41 AM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Lighthousegrl posted 6/29/2019 11:40 AM

Thank you SI family for your supportive responses.

Hopeville is not a friendly place.
Today I will remind myself of that.
And tonight.
And tomorrow.
Going into next week I will contact divorce attorneys.
I guess I’ll start with the ones offering free “consultations”

We have no marital assets. No home.
I make more than him.
The child custody arrangement we are both working towards is 50/50 split.
He’s coming into an inheritance which is not considered a marital asset.
I’m not sure if hiring an attorney will be the route I take or going thru mediation.

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