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What would I be doing if not on SI?

noname7 posted 6/25/2019 12:00 PM

Last night as I was reading as i always feel compelled to do, I had this question pop into my head. Then the realisation and sadness at how much of MY LIFE,MY CHILDREN'S AND PARENTS LIVES, NOT TO MENTION MY MARRIAGE, money, and sanity has been STOLEN from me. I've intellectually known this, and said this, but I dont believe I have truly grasped this. I initially did things right post dday, then started backtracking.
I have still truly never been able to let go of the outcome. I have healed compared to dday, but Maybe this is tbe realisation I need to breakthrough.

[This message edited by noname7 at 12:03 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]

Chaos posted 6/25/2019 12:35 PM

Yes. This realization is where I start spiraling down the rabbit hole.

When I have to really admit that this really happened. To me.

J707 posted 6/25/2019 12:51 PM

I was having a beer the other day with my mom, we were talking about a lot of things that happened since Dday. It hit me and I looked at her and said "Wow, how the F did all this destruction happen". One day everything was normal(ish) and next thing you know, Boom Dday.

noname7 posted 6/25/2019 13:24 PM

Normally I do too, but it's usually just one area I focus on which is usually my marriage. Last night seemed diffefent. More of the effect on MY life as a whole. I didn't spiral so that's healing.
.

Chaos posted 6/25/2019 13:29 PM

Many a night I lay awake wondering "when did this become my life"

[This message edited by Chaos at 1:48 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]

deephurt posted 6/25/2019 13:42 PM

I wonder all the time how this became my life. My new normal.
How did things get so fd up. Im 5 years up and I cant believe this is what has become of my life. Day to day seems normal but I feel so different now.

J707 posted 6/25/2019 19:21 PM

There has to be a point of acceptance, that this did happen. I've had many traumatic events unfold in my life that would have broke a lot of people, they made me and shaped me into who I am today. This one did in fact break me down almost to nothing, this was different. Infidelity sucks big time, the worst! I'm hoping I can use my previous knowledge and wisdom to push through this one as well. I'm a different person today then I was before her A's, just as I was a different person before the other traumatic events. I look at life differently know, trying to become the person I'm meant to be, ME! I've had to accept a lot of things that happened in my life, they happened and nothing will change that but I have the opportunity to grow and react to what life has given me.

steadychevy posted 6/26/2019 04:57 AM

Good question as I sit here at 10 to 4 am reading SI. I should be sleeping. I've been awake since 2 and up since 3. I do spend too much time on SI to the detriment of other things I should be doing. However, I do sleep to 4 or 5, which gives me plenty of sleep, more often than awake early.

When I look back it astounds me about how much time has been wasted since DDay1 when I could have been enjoying life and living it to the full.

FinDad posted 6/26/2019 05:21 AM

I have really tried to remember what did I do before? What did I think when I wasn't doing anything? What are normal people thinking when they have nothing urgent to think about?

Also this site... I wonder if this actually is a bad thing at some point. This is very addicting place to be, and to be addicted to something this dark... Cannot be good in long-term. I see lot of people writing here years after divorces, so they should be living a happy life without thinking this hell. While they do provide amazingly great information and support for the ones recently hurt, doesn't being here bring back bad memories again and again?

[This message edited by FinDad at 5:22 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 6/26/2019 07:42 AM

I would probably be watching TV. I do spend time on here to the detriment of other things, mostly household chores. But, then, if it weren't SI, it would probably be something else like knitting instead of cleaning.

I wondered for a long time how my life became this. How did this happen to ME?! My fch was the guy that everyone said would never cheat. He was the polar opposite of all the other guys I had been involved with, who were lying, cheating bums.

I have a few answers now of why this happened. They have nothing to do with me. My life is better now. The A is just a footnote.

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