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Just sent this to AP

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Perseverantia posted 5/19/2019 14:12 PM

Ok, maybe this isnít the best thing to do but after just finding out about a LTA, with someone Iíve never met, and a false R that lasted an excruciating 8 weeks - where they both lied to me, I finally am done with fact checking and being kind. Sheís young (24), and I felt that my husband was more to blame but I am now assigning the blame as it should fall. I just needed to share my texts to her because I feel sooooo much better! Donít butcher me if you donít agree with this tactic. Iím fragile!

Text message:
Side note: I've been way too nice to you after you've slept in my bed. Looked up at my wedding photos while you fucked my husband. Looked at photos of my children, fucked in the vehicle that I pay for, messaged my husband numerous times throughout the weekend, distracting him from caring for his children. Obviously, he owns half the blame but just because I've been kind and compassionate to you, does not mean that I don't also place 50% of the blame on you. I also don't have any respect for you as a woman. Most women would look down on you hard for what you've done. I actually feel worse for you than i do myself and my husband because it shows a total disregard for our children, a complete lack of morals and severely low self esteem. You are the one going to sleep alone at night. And you gave him love, attention and sex. I am willing to bet that you feel the worst out of all 3 of us. But that is your cross to bear. I have no intention of having any further contact with you unless my std test comes back positive with something. As a decent person, it's the least I could do for you.
Super important side note: if you have contact with my husband again, your family will be informed of your affair. My best friend knows your grandma and even met your sweet daughter and at a baby shower about 3 months ago and heard ALLLLL about your history with your ex - having a married boyfriend didn't come up so I'm assuming they don't know. Your employers will be notified as well. Another friend has a very good friend in management at (edited out identifying info). I'm sure it wouldn't be great for your career to be known as the girl that screwed the UPS man on her lunch break. Just FYI. 😉

[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:37 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]

HellFire posted 5/19/2019 14:34 PM

I see nothing wrong with what you sent her.

But your husband is 100% responsible for his actions, and she is 100% responsible for hers.

He put you through false R. That says he saw the devastation,heard your pain, and took it underground. He isn't a good candiate for attempting reconciliation. So what is he doing diggerent this time? Other than not having an affair. What work is he doing on himself to become a safe person?

Confised1222 posted 5/19/2019 14:49 PM

I agree with HellFire. There is nothing wrong with what you sent. I wish I would have sent something similar to the other woman before I asked for no contact. I'm sorry you are going through this, but it sounds like you are handling it well ! Hang in there and stay strong. The healing library on this page is really helping me out! You deserve much better than him.

totallydumb posted 5/19/2019 16:31 PM

Nothing wrong with giving the AP a piece of your mind.

However, never ever give away your plan.

if you have contact with my husband again, your family will be informed of your affair.

If it were me, I would expose anyway.

DomesticTourist posted 5/19/2019 16:39 PM

Iím for what you did.

My wifeís LTA partner was my best friend for 25 years.

I sent him this:

Iíve spent 25 years around murderers, rapists, pedophiles, thieves and miscreants of all kinds.
You are worse than any of them.
You are selfish.
You are manipulative.
You are a liar.
You are a coward.
You betrayed a man who treated you like a brother.
You abandoned two boys who called you ďUncle.Ē
You value nothing sacred.
You are unsafe and unreliable.
Itís no wonder that every woman that had the chance to make a life with you found you unworthy.
I hope your life is sad and lonely. You deserve no better.

iamweasel posted 5/19/2019 16:47 PM

Good for you. Sounds like two losers who deserve each other.

toughtotrust posted 5/19/2019 17:56 PM

No problem with the letter but your anger and blame is directed at the wrong person. If she only has an Ex, there really isn't much weight to your threat of exposure. Unless she is from a prominent family. You're going to hurt her grandma more than her and suspect that she doesn't give a dam if grandma finds out.

She's responsible for her poor judgement and low morals, but it's your husband who is 100% responsible for hurting you. She doesn't know you from a hole in the wall and continued the affair....You husband did the same, but he's your husband.

I just saw your other thread where you said he had years of EAs. I am sorry to break this to you. Unless those were long distance, the chance that most if not all of those EAs were Physical affairs is close to 100%.

Has your Husband convinced you that she is 50% at fault? It's a lie. I suspect he has been pulling the wool over your eyes for years.

sewardak posted 5/20/2019 05:43 AM


[This message edited by sewardak at 5:44 AM, May 20th (Monday)]

sewardak posted 5/20/2019 05:43 AM

you're giving her way too much power in your life. just ignore. she won't listen anyway. most APs get gratification from the power they used to break up a marriage in some sick way.

just expose to everyone and be done with her.

annb posted 5/20/2019 05:57 AM

Hi, I understand your need to vent to AP, I called my WH AP twice, however, understand she will not care what you have to say.

Honestly, why haven't you exposed the affair to her family yet?

Butforthegrace posted 5/20/2019 08:38 AM

Sending that was a complete waste of time and energy. Utterly impotent. Expose her to her family, then focus your anger and betrayal on your husband, where it belongs.

MamaDragon posted 5/20/2019 09:03 AM

meh, I would have cc'd her relatives anyway.

Blow her world up since she has helped to fuck up yours.

Fbtjax posted 5/20/2019 12:50 PM

Sending that was a complete waste of time and energy. Utterly impotent. Expose her to her family, then focus your anger and betrayal on your husband, where it belongs.
I agree with this 100%.

Yes, she's a whore who has little to no regard for your marriage. However, at the end of the day, she couldn't have blown up your marriage without a willing partner. He invited her into your bed, fucked her in your car, and put you and your family at risk.

I think you've had your chance to take a shot at the AP, now you need to take a step back and recognize that it's your WH who made the conscious decision to carry on the affairs, and it was not an accident caused by gravity that landed his dick inside of her.

You don't need to threaten this trollop with exposing the affair. Do it. You don't owe either one of them a damn thing. Take control of the situation. Right now, they've got the uppper hand. Change the dynamic.

ChocolateThief posted 5/20/2019 15:29 PM

aw wow I wish i had the guts to do just this! I dreamed about it many a time but i could never be as concise as that! Well done. Hope your husband is doing the right thing now!

Perseverantia posted 5/20/2019 20:31 PM

Oh most of my anger is towards my husband. It comes and goes with him. Of course thereís love there and sadness and hurt and all the rest of the goodies that come with a betrayal of this magnitude. I did have pity for her, then curiosity and now is mostly a mild disgust. When Iím feeling extra bad about myself, I think that she must have been this, or that, because I am not this or that. Logically I know what a waste of time and energy this is, not to mention that it is not true! But for the most part, I recognize that there was nothing special about her or her and my husband. It could have been any willing participant. Like my husband explained, after hearing from some YouTube video, that people with low self worth pick the apples from the bottom of the tree because they donít take effort. They arenít as good, but they will do to feed that need. He acknowledges that he made the choice to eat half spoiled fruit than make the effort to climb the tree to get the perfect fruit (me).

Driti posted 5/20/2019 22:58 PM

I would expose to everyone you mentioned.

nekonamida posted 5/21/2019 09:07 AM

Sorry, wrong thread!

[This message edited by nekonamida at 9:08 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

nutmegkitty posted 5/21/2019 11:22 AM

Expose her to her family anyway.

Don't tell your WH or AP you are going to do this either.

beauchateaux posted 5/21/2019 12:45 PM

We all have fantasies of making the AP pay. Honestly though? Itís not worth it. In my world, Iím the queen and AP is trash. My focus is on my life, my palace, my sons...and yes, MY husband.

I donít have the time or inclination to waste energy on her. Doing so just makes her relevant. Sheís not, and she never really was - and showing her how much sheís hurt you (even if what you try to project is anger and disgust, she knows it comes from a place of hurt and probably loves it) is just showing her that sheís relevant.

Iím glad you feel better having sent this, BUT - Iíd advise you not to engage with her again, even if she contacts you. Crickets, from now on. Itís the best way of showing her that she just does NOT matter. She made a grab for power - and she lost. The End.

[This message edited by beauchateaux at 12:47 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Risewithredhair posted 5/21/2019 18:30 PM

I think you needed to do this, so you did. It probably helped you get back some form of power and helped to place things right in your life.

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