I am certain I am going to hear how naive and stupid I am but...The last few days have been overwhelming. Everything has come out about my husband’s over 20 year EA. If you have read anything I have posted you would know I caught my husband in a graphic sexting affair three months ago and in the course of dealing with that, found out about the REAL issue, the 20 plus year affair with his other ex.
Little background...husband dated her 30 years ago. they were together everyday for a year, he loved her (actually news to me, never heard the emotional extent of this relationship ever), she dumped him when he wouldn’t buckle under after her ultimatum. He got her back and then dumped her out of revenge. They never forgot eachother blah blah blah.
So fast forward to today. Found out she has been in my marriage the whole time. He send a NC text even though they had broken up last year in October. I wanted him to do it. She answered, things got ugly. I got some information from him and then completely fed up I texted her, dumped his phones, and contacted the phone company for records all the way back. Long story short, he’s been living a double emotional life. Talking to her, picking a fight with me to make him feel better, etc. We have never really been alone. After confronting them both with all my hard won info, and two days of emotional conversations, crying (him and me), remorse, etc so on
So...here what I know:
They spoke every month for 21 years, except for a lag of 6 weeks. Texted constantly, multiple calls per month.
They told eachother all the time “I love You, you’re the love of my life etc”
They talked about him leaving me and being with her
She invited him constantly to go away with her on vacations and weekends, he declined
She made him happy and then they would argue then make up
He saw her in person 4 times in all that time. We live far away.
He saw her for the first time 14 years ago and was not attracted to her (she is a big woman now, he likes the lean muscular type) stayed 10 minutes and left
Saw her 7 years ago, made out with her outside next to the car
Saw her 2 years ago, had a coffee
And the tricky one for me and the reason for my question...12 years ago Right after my mom died I had to travel for work to Europe. While gone he dropped my kids off at his parents, went to an event and then as planned drove up to see her. Got there about 11:00 pm and spent the night. Apparently according to both of them he slept all night in her bed (him in underwear and a T-shirt, her fully clothed and on top of the covers). He stroked her hair, they made out, they told eachother they loved eachother, made plans, and he left at 6:00am. No sex.
I have never seen my husband the way he is right now. He has outlined everything in detail, admitted personality faults, was actually on his knees at one point completely devastated he hurt me so much and wrecked our marriage. He is adamant they did not ever have sex because that would have been it for him and me. He couldn’t cross that line. I believe his remorse, and everything else but for the love of whatever god you believe in, I do not believe two adults in their 40s who have been declaring true love for decades and had the opportunity all night to consummate after already doing it years before when dating would NOT have sex.
I am going to move on and will repair my marriage and enjoy my husband for the first time since I’ve known him treating me like he loves me. And talking to me. Etc. But just wanted to ask if I’m wrong to not believe this last thing. Come on, REALLY.?
[This message edited by NorthernMSB at 3:02 PM, March 27th (Wednesday)]