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Am I the only BS that has an OC as part of the betrayal?

Needtobefree posted 3/11/2019 21:51 PM

I am lost. Is there any other spouse out there has found out about an OC? I know the question is absurd as I'm not the 1st or last person to experience this hell but I feel so alone. I would love to hear from anyone about their experience. I couldn't find anything recent on the I Can Relate Forum. I would appreciate any feedback.

Phoenix1 posted 3/11/2019 22:44 PM

You are certainly not alone. I had two OCs (that I know of). Many on SI have dealt with it. It sucks on every possible level, but you've got kindred spirits here. Keep posting. We get it.

dejavu2 posted 3/11/2019 22:57 PM

Yes! My ex and OW conceived a child just prior to the weekend they were arrested breaking into vacation home to have sex. They were caught in the act. A few days later, my husband told me he was leaving me for OW and moved out 3 days later. I found out approximately 9 months later that they had a child together. I didn’t find out from him- my husband with whom I share a young daughter who visited him sporadically throughout the pregnancy. No- I found out from doing a google search of OW and stumbled upon a baby registry. I only did that google search because husband was acting strange and said he no longer wanted visitation with our daughter. I counted back the weeks from the baby’s due date on the registry and realized that baby was conceived while husband and I were still together. The baby is now 2 years old and my ex (finally divorced as of 6 months ago) and OW are still together and going strong.

I’m not sure which betrayal hurt the most. The divorce piled even more shit and betrayal on top. When I think back at everything my supposed “best friend”, “partner” and “love of my life” shoveled on top of me, It takes my breath away. However, the existence of the baby made me realize that I needed to move on with my life, which was helpful ultimately. I realized that he is just a selfish, bad man and that I needed to stop wallowing, pick myself up, and move on already. I started dating 1 month later and met my current boyfriend within 6 months. The sad thing is that I’ve lost
my trust and faith in people. I now realize that people are capable of hurting us in myriad ways and that everyone is suspect- even my Mom, sisters, best friend. It’s sad to think that way.

So....I’m sorry for you but it does get better. OW and their son don’t really bother me anymore. I actually feel sorry for them because they scored a chronic liar, cheater, sex addict, argumentative narcicist, who honestly has no empathy or love for anyone but himself. Meanwhile, I am raising our beautiful daughter without his interference (for the most part), have a good job, comfortable house that I own, and a man in my life who treats me like a queen. Personally, I think I faired better.

Feel free to ask more specific questions if you need advice or further support. You are definitely not alone.

Furious1 posted 3/12/2019 07:34 AM

STBXHole has 2 OC born to two different OW during our the first two years of our marriage. Our DD is 3 months younger than the youngest OC. When you count the DD that he had during his first marriage (I am his second marriage), then that makes four kids that he has with four different women. I'm fairly certain that there would be many, many more kids out there had he not had a vasectomy after our DD was born.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this mess.


barcher144 posted 3/12/2019 08:29 AM

To be honest, I am a little scared to test my kids.

It's something that I think that I will do after my divorce is complete and I am settled in my new life. I don't really care about biology, but I do wonder how deep down the rabbit hole STBXWW went.

I'll keep the results to myself, although perhaps I'll share them on here.

Beyond posted 3/12/2019 11:30 AM

My BFF's NPDXWH definitely has one, possibly two, OC. It's a big secret, as is everything with him and his previously married, now divorced, OW.

The children of BFF and NPDXWH's marriage do not know about the OC. BFF has said that if her XH does not inform her children that they have half-siblings by the time they all turn 18, she plans to tell them herself.

Ironically, the MOW's (now DOW's) XH is paying child support for those OC, even though one or both aren't biologically his.

WornDown posted 3/12/2019 11:35 AM

No, you are not.

There's a whole thread in the "I can relate" forum dedicated to dealing with OCs.

mccloud posted 3/14/2019 23:10 PM

I went through this too. For a while. My ex cheating boyfriend had several side whores but his favorite little slut got pregnant with his baby 3 times. And the 3rd time he couldn't talk her into killing off the baby. So, she decided that she wanted to get rid of me. She played several stupid childish games. One was to send anonymous text messages to me and my ex pretending to be my fake boyfriend. So that my Cheating boyfriend would dump me. That didn't work. So then she sent anonymous texts saying that I paid my "fake" boyfriend to follow the whore and my ex around so that she could tell me that she was at the hotel with my boyfriend. It all went down hill from there.

shakentocore posted 3/15/2019 06:56 AM

I would suggest you file for divorce and seek child support. The children who are first in line ASKING THE COURT for support get the larger amount - not the children of marriage or first born. Ensure that your children are supported. You can always work on R while divorce moves forward and call D off down the road.

dejavu2 posted 3/15/2019 19:57 PM

I agree with Shakentocore. I filed for divorce and child support long before I knew about OC. I was awarded 30% of my ex-husband's total income which pays 100% of my mortgage. It is invaluable for keeping my head above water. If my ex and OW eventually break up, there is no way she will get that much, at least not until ex is done paying me child support 13 years from now. By that time, I'll only have 4 years left to pay on my mortgage. Be smart and proactive and file for child support now!

Fantayworld posted 3/16/2019 14:07 PM

No, you're not the only one. My exWH also had a OC with his OW. It was even planned. He did not want children with me however, for his own reasons. So I am alone and lost too.

I have never met the child nor do I want to have anything to do with the OC. At first, I felt hatred towards the OC but now feel more sorry that this child has a NPD father.

I'm glad I never had children with him myself so I could completely cut him out of my life but I'm sad to have given up my opportunity by staying with a lying, cheating scumbag for way too long.

We are officially divorced now but only since December. His OC is almost 2 years old. It still to this day can send me into "shock" on how unbelievable that this happened to me. I lived in denial and it was not a happy place to be.

honesttoafault posted 3/16/2019 14:37 PM

StbxWH#2 has 3 OC's with the OW while we were married. He would lie to me and say he was buying clothes for his two niece's children because they didn't have much money and have me pick out the clothes. After I found out, he would still want me to go with him to buy them clothes and ask if I could give him any old toys from OUR two sons.

He told our sons and expected them to welcome the OC's with open arms. He named the oldest OC the same name as our daughter who died as an infant.

When he first told me and how he wanted to leave the OW and would I raise the OC's, I was flabbergasted that he would consider taking children from their mother. He kept swearing that he had left the OW, but had to see the OC's. Of course, he kept seeing the OW.

I actually feel sorry for the OC's. They are innocent victims in this whole mess. But although I feel sorry for them, I really don't want to be involved with them at all. Our oldest son met them, and he also knows that it is not their fault to be in this situation and of course feels extremely uncomfortable about it. Thank God, they are all overseas, so I really don't have to deal with them. Right now, this OW kicked him out because he was texting yet another woman and now has another OW.

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