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Asking advice

josiep posted 3/8/2019 18:52 PM

I have a brother who has 3 adult kids. He's been very involved with his wife's family and they don't have much to do with me or my kids very often.

He spends the winter in FLA, just 3 hours from me but I haven't heard from him since October. I got a Christmas card but it was machine signed.

So yesterday I got an email asking if I'd like to come down to visit on the 20th or 21st cuz his one daughter will be in town.

I wrote back that I'm flying out on the 21st but if I could stay overnight on the sofa, I'd love to see my niece.

Today I got an email back from him saying "The timing of your trip to X and Y’s visit here doesn’t give much room to spend some relaxing time together. I suggest we scratch any effort to get together this time. Too hectic and complicated. Hopefully, the timing will work out better next time. Ok?"

It's taking everything I've got not to respond with "Message received." Or something else snarky.

How do I answer this? The old me would've responded with how I understand and yadda yadda yadda about their wonderful and busy lives. But the new me is tired of taking shit from everyone and always being put last.

I suppose I just answer with "OK."

But I'll wait until tomorrow morning in case anyone has something really pithy to suggest.

TheCaterpillar posted 3/8/2019 19:02 PM

I don't have any clever words for you but if it were me I'd need to sleep on it in order not to say something a bit sharp.

I suppose my ansewr would be something along the lines of

"well if you'd prefer to wait that's fine. It just seems a shame to miss a chance to visit when there are so few opportunities for us to speak".

I don't know though.

squid posted 3/8/2019 19:05 PM

Such an odd reply from them. Almost robotic. It's like they reached out, you didn't give a satisfying response, and then they went cold.

I wouldn't even bother with "pithy".

"Ok" would suffice.

But if you had to go with snarky...

"How about a head's up next time?"

hardtimesinlife posted 3/8/2019 21:08 PM

"In that case, please tell niece that I absolutely do want to visit her but it isn't going to work out with the plans you've already made"

Cooley2here posted 3/8/2019 21:23 PM

Josie, sometimes siblings grow apart.It does happen.

I think you just need to be brief but no snark. “Wish things had worked out. Maybe next time. Tell niece I hope to see both of you soon.”

This keeps the door open.

josiep posted 3/9/2019 19:57 PM

I didn't want snark and I didn't want to bend over backwards to be oh so understanding. That's why I wrote here and delayed answering. And I'm glad I did.

I wrote back and said, "OK, but please tell Y I'm really sorry I won't get to see her."

But it's still disappointing that my only family doesn't feel the least bit motivated to reach out to me after what I've been through.

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