SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

Dorothy123 posted 2/25/2019 12:36 PM

The purpose of this thread is to let the newly betrayed know that the physical , emotional, and mental trauma they are going through is NORMAL .

Many BS's are suicidal or have suicidal tendencies after finding out.

If you are considering suicide please contact your local emergency services or call 1-800-273-TALK

The physical symptoms of the A that I had when I found out.

1) Lots of crying
2) Insomnia
3) Throwing up
4)Loss of appetite
5) Weight loss
6)inability to concentrate
etc

pearlamici posted 2/25/2019 12:42 PM

Palpitations, loss of appetite, inability to sleep, inability to think of anything not related to the affair or our past together during the affair.

Coreofsteel posted 2/25/2019 12:48 PM

I lost a ton of weight (like 50 lbs). Forgetfulness, depression, and poor sleep. I wanted my heart to just stop beating. The stupid jerk kept going. I would sit there and stare and listen to my heart beat. There are lots more but those leap to mind.

IJusthurt2017 posted 2/25/2019 13:23 PM

Loss of appetite, I lost 45 pounds in 3 months. Insomnia, vomiting, anxiety, forgetting a lot. I also attempted suicide. Went into impatient care for 2 weeks.

Foolmeonce120 posted 2/25/2019 13:35 PM

Weight loss
Insomnia
Couldn’t function
Wanted to die
Easily agitated
Heart palpitations

The1stWife posted 2/25/2019 14:02 PM

No sleep (lucky if I got 45 minutes a night) - lasted 3-4 months
Can’t eat
Lost weight
Crying constantly
Depression
Anxiety- no medication
Shakiness - my hands shook constantly

Mari104 posted 2/25/2019 14:16 PM

Anxiety
Depression
Loss of appetite
Weight loss - I lost about 20 pounds in 2 weeks.
Unable to focus/concentrate
Heart palpitations
Constantly crying
Panic attacks
Inability to sleep
Felt absolutely worthless, which made it difficult to feel motivated to do anything.
Stress induced gastritis (I had to be put on medication for this.)

Hold2win posted 2/25/2019 14:22 PM

I agree with most of the above

I have also focused my energy on completing my final semester of nursing school (BSN).

I have been going to the gym every day.

Trying to eat what I can--but I have lost 15lbs in 3 1/2 weeks.

I felt a need to talk to my family and friends, reached out for support from the. Also, contacted my doctor for an Rx for Klonopin to manage panic attacks.

Lastly, I will start seeing a therapist (IC and group)

Dorothy123 posted 2/25/2019 14:31 PM

Before I was cheated on myself, one of the many misconception I had about A's were that the BS should be able to heal from an A in a month or less.

I was shocked at the level and intensity of my pain and the physical symptoms that I had over the A.

I actually thought that I had went crazy because of my inability to "get over it".

Hugs to all those going through this nightmare.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 2/25/2019 14:34 PM

Thanks for starting this thread Dorothy123 .

The shaking was the worst. I couldn't get my body to stop shaking . Every time I found out something new the shaking would intensify. That lasted until the Anger phase...at about 6 months after DDay.

Insomnia

Loss of concentration

Weight loss

Forgetfulness

Suicidal thoughts. I just wanted to end the pain .

Anger. No...RAGE

Nightmares

Warts...I counted up to 18 before they started subsiding...all on my hands. Today I have none.

Broken teeth from grinding them in my sleep. My dentist told me that stress will cause this.

TODAY...almost all of these symptoms are gone for ME. PLEASE KNOW that the pain WILL subside...and life CAN be GOOD again. Just hang on for one more minute...then it will be an hour...then a day will pass...and a month...and soon it will be a YEAR. Then you will see that you have SURVIVED infidelity .

benomania posted 2/25/2019 14:50 PM

suicidal
Extreme love / bonding
Extreme hatred
Wanting to excise revenge on AP
paranoia
Physical triggers / phone / unanounsed trips to xyz
tremors
Sleeplessness
No trust for anyone
blurred vision
Nausea
Lack of apetite
Lack of sex drive
Lack of wanting to have sex or look at opposite side
Hate for men that meet AP characteristics
Hate for Social media responsible to Ea
Over protective of family
Hypevigilance
Over stepping on toes of anyone who was responsible
lack of concentration
Irrability towards many people
Harrasing anyone who came too close to my home
Carrying weapon around the home
Loss of faith on humanity in general
Loss of faith on relationships in general
Loneliness
Inability to share / talk with anyone
Use of anxiety / depression meds (never needed before Dday)
Loss of pride
Feeling demasculated
Feeling betrayed (possibly 2 or more times)
Inability to find anything concrete
Waiting to this day for another emotional ambush
Feeling unappreciated even after making concessions to change
Contemplating Divorce
Contemplating still today to destroy Ap's by exposure or any means necessary.
Over use of Meds
Over use of Alcohol
Over exercising to prepare for possible confrontation.
Feeling humiliated (during pick me dance stage)
Forcing SO to use tracking App
Checking SO's phone regularly
Checking So's old phone for hidden apps etc..
Exposing everything to everyone
Ground on reconciliation won and lost via good and bad actions on my part
And finally telling SO one more thing and fuck all this; you are on your own.

Sorry to sound so despondent but this is what I've felt now for almost 2 years. Not a good time in my life AT ALL

nervousnelly posted 2/25/2019 15:04 PM

Lots of uncontrollable crying.
Insomnia
Loss of appetite
Headaches
Weight loss (40 lbs in 2 months)
Shivers/shaking for about a month
Anxiety & paranoia
Hair loss
Skin condition - like little blisters that would scab over - not shingles though. It was weird.

tushnurse posted 2/25/2019 17:15 PM

In the early days:
Insomnia
Panic attacks
Weight loss
Inability to eat
Shaking

Later on:
Autoimmune issues

textingministry posted 2/25/2019 18:22 PM

Anxiety - months
Depression - months
Sick to stomach - weeks
Felt like rage was burning, electric and physically coursing through my veins - weeks
Insomnia - weeks
Noise in my head - weeks
Inability to focus - weeks
Inability to function - days
Google nervous breakdown - I always thought it was kind of a joke for weak, neurotic people. But I was there for about four days.
Reduced decision-making capacity (when an unrelated life changing decision was already in front of me)
Unplanned weight loss (had purposefully lost weight while WH was having his affair - rapid weight loss occured after DDay)

textingministry posted 2/25/2019 18:23 PM

Oh yeah - PTSD and a tremor in my right arm

Jameson1977 posted 2/25/2019 18:26 PM

Loosing weight, no sleep, crazy, vicious mood swings (love her to hate her within minutes), obsession over details, drinking to excess (never a good idea), very much the same as others.

These were really bad for 3-6 months. After 6 months, life seemed to start to get normal, then another dday!! Right back to day one.

heartbroken_kk posted 2/25/2019 18:37 PM

heart palpitations, huge thumping pounding pulse
pain in my chest
sweating
blanching, chills, shivers
clenched teeth, fractured crown
headaches, sore tight body
sobbing,-- wracking sobs I could not stop for hours
bloodshot eyes, bags under my eyes
rage, destroying things, hitting him
profound, bleak depression
exhaustion
suicidal thoughts including mulling over methods
nausea, dry heaves
diarrhea
insomnia
nightmares, vivid daytime nightmares
inability to think straight
inability to concentrate or stay on task (even menial tasks)
dissociation, blanking out
forgetfulness
fixation

marriageredux959 posted 2/25/2019 18:44 PM

Dorothy123:

Before I was cheated on myself, one of the many misconception I had about A's were that the BS should be able to heal from an A in a month or less.
I was shocked at the level and intensity of my pain and the physical symptoms that I had over the A.

I actually thought that I had went crazy because of my inability to "get over it".

Hugs to all those going through this nightmare.

This. So much this.

Especially since Husband's infidelity was a one time thing long ago and relatively mild as infidelities go- in most ways. In some ways it was heinous. Kind of an unusual situation.

Initial disclosure at the time was a mostly truthful (basics confessed, many details omitted) "Just the Facts" disclosure, followed many years later by an almost accidental additional disclosure about 8 months ago. I was relentless and ran it to ground. Many more details came out that revealed the essence of the thing, which morphed it into something far different than I thought it was for years.

I put myself in therapy.

I thought that since Husband's infidelity was "one time" and "really no big deal" that I'd be over it in weeks... maybe in a couple of months at most. I remember thinking that I'd certainly be over it by the holidays.

The therapist, who heard the whole sordid story (as I had it to that time, we trickle truth'd for months) tried to gently talk me off of the optimism ledge. Even though the act was relatively minor, he thought that it happened at all, especially in its context, was a big deal indeed. He looked at me during a couple of different sessions and said, "You are being so calm and so matter of fact. You do realize that most wives would be howling right now, don't you?"
Me: *blink blink blink*

I've been thinking about putting myself back into IC, for my own benefit, to deal with this damage, and for help and guidance in conveying to Husband the exact damage and the extent of it. Husband should probably be in IC too, but I won't force it. (There have been no repeat incidents.)

But yeah, what Dorothy123 said.

My biggest symptoms are hamster brain and insomnia, often together. Also malaise; I often feel like I'm wading through molasses. Also, I thought I was crazy, too. I dubbed myself "Bat Shit Crazy." This self-applied moniker shows up often in my posts. I know I'm not crazy but it feels like it sometimes. It's exhausting and I hate it. I like the calm, cool, collected version of myself.

marriageredux959 posted 2/25/2019 18:44 PM

Duplicate post

[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 9:39 PM, February 25th (Monday)]

marriageredux959 posted 2/25/2019 18:44 PM

Duplicate post.

[This message edited by marriageredux959 at 9:42 PM, February 25th (Monday)]