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Why Am I so naive?

florez1304 posted 1/2/2019 05:03 AM

Hello everyone.

I can't even believe I'm here writing to you. But I deeply hope it will help me go through with it.
So it's a bit of the complicated history. I have been with my BF for a year and a half and in September 2017 after coming back from holidays (my hometown and Paris) on a way home from the airport he would just break up with me. Our sex life was falling apart for a while then and I seemed to be a problem. Whatever I would try to get his attention he was always not in the mood. Also the worste part is that he be like 'look I think we need to take a break. I don't know what up with me. I guess it's stress. I just need some time alone to understand whats happening. When i said we can go through it togethwr see a doc and figure this out and im glad he finally speaks up he also sayid the he does't find me attractive anymore. I would spent 2 months crying a river hating what I see in the mirror. Killing myslwf in the gym. Starving myslef. He asked me not to tell anybody and I was hurting so much. We kept talking occasionally through the Phone and onw day I said that i had enough of this waiting and informed him that from my part it a over and I'm moving on from now on. He started to make an attempt to get me back but it did not work for me and we decided to stay friends. We did have lunch from time to time and talk to each other about some random stuff and it was all fine. Till the time that he in July 2018 started to get closer and closer and being officially open about how he didn't mean any of that to happen that he just needed some time off. That he indeed find me as a very attractive woman that it was just stress that he was always honest with me and he is now as well that he has change he wants to prove me he is serious about me he is ready to move in with me etc. So he was over my head till September already interrupting my relations with others so I was like. Ok let's give him another chance after all he was a 1st love of my life and there is still a feeling there for him. And he really did seem changed. I moved in with him in October everything seem totally fine. Untill 3days ago. He went to another city for the NYE with his family and due to work I stayed. While cleaning the house I found his old phone and for some reason opened it and got to the gallery. Only to find out that the last 4 months of our relationship before he was sleeping with someone else. The photos and videos. We would be eating breakfast with my mum while he was receiving pics of her genitalia. You know what is even worse than he cheated ? The way he made me feel. Unattractive worthless useless with no self esteem whatsoever. I felt like failure and a women. And then he would keep me waiting when I was hurting soooo much and still be seeing her.

But hay he changed right? I couldn't get to the most recent pic as he just changed his.phone plus see his whatsapp but he was still logged onto instagam and facebook from where I found out he slept with someone again while being away in November and now again. Texting me how much he loves me and misses me. Explain me how am I that stupid not to see that before.

I've got 7 days to move out. Before he comes back. He still doesn't know I know. And I have something in mind. I want him to get to the empty apartment and instead of welcome sign see all this pic I found and it's quite a gallery I'm giving you my word.

Still why why why he would want that again why am I living here what the heck is wrong with him ?+?!??+ and me for believing everything he said.....

annb posted 1/2/2019 06:19 AM

Good morning, welcome to SI.

There is nothing wrong with you, but something is terribly wrong with him. He's a liar and a cheater and a manipulator.

Please get yourself tested for STDS asap.

Don't beat yourself up for believing him, but honestly, you seem very strong and getting out before he gets back is the right thing to do.

I think putting up a few of the photos you found will get the message across loud and clear without any discussion. If he tries to contact you, please do NOT respond.

You deserve so much better, there are guys out there who will treat you with respect and dignity.

Lean on family and friends for support, and if necessary find a good individual counselor for yourself to help navigate your emotions.

You will be ok, and you need to be thankful, as much as it hurts, that you found out he is a complete jerk and probably a serial cheater. Run fast and don't ever look back.

Hugs...

The1stWife posted 1/2/2019 06:49 AM

You are not - and never were the problem.

It is him!!! 100% him.

I donít know why he decided to get back together with you. That seems to be unclear. But maybe he still had some feelings for you or maybe he is just that much of a jerk that he was jealous you moved on and he didnít like that. You know the old saying ďyou always want what you canít haveĒ.

In any event, you now know who and what he really is. The best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away and never look back. Heís not worth your time or your energy.

The one thing that you can honestly say is that you learned so much from this experience. You will never be put in this position ever again. And the next time someone Tells you ďthey are no longer attracted to youĒ I hope that you run away from them as fast as you can.

Please know you always deserve better than this and the fact that this guy treated you so poorly is only a reflection on him.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:50 AM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]

BluesPower posted 1/2/2019 07:58 AM

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:11 PM, February 8th (Friday)]

BrooklynGuy posted 1/2/2019 09:28 AM

He is a lying, cheating, manipulating person as the undeniable proof sitting in that old phone shows you. As well as the more recent updates you uncovered since he swore he wanted you back.

He deserves no warning from you. Make him your ex boyfriend fast.

I like your idea of him coming home to an empty apartment with all his nasty cheating proof covering the walls - with no warning.

You have no children with him so you owe him zero respect, zero. The same respect he showed you, return it to him

The day he gets home you should send those pics to his family and mutual friends with a short message explaining you have too much self respect to continue in a relationship with a two timing lying POS who would use your insecurities, humiliate you, indeed body shame you into believing any word he says.

Forget trying to figure on what is wrong with him. Just get him out of your life now.

[This message edited by BrooklynGuy at 9:28 AM, January 2nd (Wednesday)]

Cicinsajn posted 1/2/2019 09:33 AM

Dear..dont be me..i have that thing after 1year..but i didnt know back than..he told me that he is confused about his feelings..bla..bla..than after 5days he return and bag whit crying that he is wrong..and..after 5years he cheated for 4mount and leave for OW..now i know he cheated before..when he is first leave..please save your self from toxisity

1Faith posted 1/2/2019 11:52 AM

There is nothing wrong with you. You were open, honest and cared.

He is selfish and wants to do whatever he wants without any consequences or care of whom it might hurt.

You deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve truth and honesty. You are worthy !!!

We know it hurts but please believe who he has shown you he is...a liar and cheat.

You can do better and you will make it through this, we promise.

(((hugs)))

florez1304 posted 1/2/2019 12:47 PM

Guys thank you so much for your support. I really needed that.

New year without the trash in it.

brkn_heartd posted 1/2/2019 21:50 PM

So sorry Florez...I am glad you found out and are making plans. My regret to miss a little drama...a lipstick note on the mirror where he would see it every day and have to work to clean it off! Might add that to the picture album!

In the meantime, take care of yourself. This is not about you, but his brokenness. He is deeply broken. Make sure you schedule STD testing to keep yourself healthy. Eat good food, drink plenty of water, be gentle to yourself.

Notmine posted 1/3/2019 07:40 AM

R.U.N. and do not look back. Thank God you have no kids and not marriage to dissolve.

Gunnut posted 1/3/2019 11:58 AM

People lose attraction for one another all the time. The decent thing to do is break up and do the whole ďItís not you itís me.Ē Song and dance. What he did was to use it to blame his bad behavior and to purposely hurt and manipulate you. Iím glad youíre leaving, you didnít deserve this. Iím sorry for your pain.

Furious1 posted 1/3/2019 17:32 PM

I am so sorry. There is nothing wrong with you, but there is plenty wrong with him. He is playing mind games with your heart. Now that you are onto his games, move on with your life without him in it.

If it were me, I wouldn't waste my energy on printing pictures for him. You not being there while leaving your keys and blocking him is message enough that you are onto his games. When you leave, take all of your stuff with you and make sure that you do not have anything of his so that he can use that as an excuse to keep coming back into your life.

Hugs.

F1

Shocked123 posted 1/3/2019 18:46 PM

Lucky you, finding out so young and early in your marriage without children.
Lucky is the next person you meet and have a relationship with. You sound like a lovely woman with a lot to offer a partne:
Save your love for someone more worthy.
Get out while you can.
Run Forest, Run.....

20yrsagoBS posted 1/3/2019 19:28 PM

Florez,

It REALLY isnít you at all. Please take this opportunity to get as far away from him as you can

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