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Wife cheating with co worker

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Decorum posted 12/22/2018 03:40 AM

I'm just a bit older than you, married 32 years, I have a feel for marriage at this stage.

Telling the other mans wife might cause him to kick your wife to the curb, or otherwise help to facilitate and end to the affair.

Your wife probably covets the comfortable place she has in life with you, however doubtful her love and respect for you may be.

Is that enough for you to reconcile?

Other than words and emotions I don't see any genuine remorse from you WW based on what you have shared.

Think of all the time, effort, and planning she put into her affair.

Has she invested even the smallest percentage of that effort, commitment, or thoughtfulness into her relationship with you since Dday?

I would be interested in your feelings about this.

Hey, I'm sorry and I wish you well.

[This message edited by Decorum at 3:41 AM, December 22nd (Saturday)]

Decorum posted 12/22/2018 03:40 AM

Double post.

[This message edited by Decorum at 6:40 AM, December 22nd (Saturday)]

ShutterHappy posted 12/22/2018 08:03 AM

What is your wife doing so far to fix this? What is her behavior? Did she say she’s going no contact?

When you contact the OBS, you will know if she still talking to the POSOM.

Are you currently leaning towards R, D, or not sure at this point?. If you’re leaning towards D, her quitting her job may not be in your best interest. Otherswise, she must quit now.

Also, do you have a close friend or family member to talk to?

Don’t hesitate to expose her.

I wish you strength. You just acquired a few hundreds friends that are rooting for you!

rambler posted 12/22/2018 20:50 PM

The reason to tell the bw is not revenge, odds are on will bump your wife. This will her eyes

Make sure you use an attorney too.

Decorum posted 12/28/2018 19:20 PM

How are you holding up Joey?

Dispirited posted 12/28/2018 20:59 PM

Perhaps I'm "old-fashioned". If I walked in on my spouse or partner in the act, there would be no attempt to salvage the relationship. I do not quite understand how some devalue themselves by even attempting to work things out. And children? Nope. What a ridiculous excuse to ignore such an affront to one's humanity.

I understand the bond that has been broken- the bond because one of the parents selfishly felt that they could go out and fuck anyone. So....not only do they violate a marriage, but they also violate their children's trust and guidance.

I sometimes laugh at either gender who is so insecure and is in so much of expecting adulation.
I am secure within myself and do not need anyone to reinforce that.The only problem was that my choice was like many.Users.And dishonest people who cause unnecessary pain. And they create (like me) an aversion to all to all of the good people. No- not a bad picker but trust was violated...and sadly, I am so apprehensive about seeking anyone. And that is sad....that a trusted partner engaged in another relationship and now I am so leery. And that's yet another example of damage from these selfish people.

I don't know what the answer is....Everyone is obviously different, but personally I have given so much and thereafter deserted, therefore I am all over the place and honestly disengaged. And that is so different from from my former years where people had some semblance to maintain a relationship.

Now? Not even trying to figure it out and I always tried to do so.Good luck to anyone attempting to acquire a well-deserved partner. For now- I am tired.

Dispirited posted 12/28/2018 21:25 PM

Has she invested even the smallest percentage of that effort, commitment, or thoughtfulness into her relationship with you since Dday?

Yes-this is so important. An excellent point and so true to the reality. When these factors are lacking, then one has to decide to decide whether any attempts to reconcile are worth any effort. Sad when those you cared about can't even offer that.And so....if they can not put forth a demonstrative effort to not only be apologetic, but also show actions (and be humble) to counter their "mistakes", then they should be seen as such. If a person makes am mistake and admits such, then some humility is there. When there is no attempt to be humble and apologize, then there is no reason to mediate infidelity.

Either yes or no....no in-between. Sadly, I did not have the courtesy of the infidel to even explain "why". And so...is everything a gamble? If so, then since I'm not a gambler, then I will revert to to an unfortunate "neutral" thinking where I'm still a human being seeking connection.

And therein lies the tug of war...to be open to new experiences or simply retreat from any prospects. And again...after two infidelities, I sadly have taken a break.

Chicky posted 12/28/2018 21:44 PM

I do not quite understand how some devalue themselves by even attempting to work things out.

Regardless of how, when, or where we found out, we are all here for the same reason - we were cheated on. While I doubt you meant it that way, your statement is an insult to those who saw it with their own eyes yet chose to reconcile. Everyone's journey is different and regardless of why they chose to "work things out" they are doing what works for them. If it wouldn't work for you then fine but don't add insult to injury for those who are working their way back from total devastation by judging their decision. Admittedly I'm only quoting one sentence from your post but I sincerely doubt that I'm taking your meaning out of context.

Krieger posted 12/30/2018 16:50 PM

You have been working overtime, so her response was to have sex with another man? Good thing you aren't in the military and deployed for months at a time, who knows what would have happened. As for the mind movies, I am afraid those are yours to keep for a long time.

Additionally, you can't even forgive someone who is continuing the affair and TT is a continuation of the affair. Forgiveness is built on the premise that the offending party is contrite and she obviously is not there yet.

I would recommend that you seek legal advice. You don't have to file, but I think you should know your rights. You need her to get tested for STD's, I would not trust their word they were safe. Your health is a stake on this one. I do hope she comes to her senses and does the heavy lifting necessary to get this train back on track.

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