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Dating question for the guys

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Superesse posted 1/8/2019 14:20 PM

Happy New Year/New Beginning growing time, CharliB.
As I was reading this older thread I hadn't seen before, I was already starting to get a sense about the man you were seeing as someone who perhaps had been so badly burned in the past that he was not in any hurry to open up again? Which is why your update regarding him really wasn't surprising, other than the unfortunate cancer diagnosis for his brother, which was a jolt, for sure.

Just wanted to say that your mentioning he couldn't trust you "to be there" through it, either meant that he knew you guys were still in the very early stages, OR it could have meant he just wasn't going to let anyone in that close, right now.

If the latter is his real reason, I think it wouldn't have mattered what life crisis came up, he would have reacted in the same way. Sorry that his brother had this tragic turn, but you are freed of a situation that was starting to make you less than happy.

Superesse posted 1/8/2019 14:20 PM

(Duplicate post)

[This message edited by Superesse at 2:30 PM, January 8th (Tuesday)]

I.will.survive posted 1/9/2019 05:09 AM

I'm sorry this ended in a break up and the news his brother is dying. It's hard to say whether he wasn't all in or the writing was on the wall. I mentioned I wasn't in love with my current SO back in November, but I do love him so if a family member fell ill..I would be leaning on him heavily. Maybe this was the (albeit devastating) excuse he needed to end what was a lovely surface relationship, just not one he wanted to fully invest in.

What will you do if he contacts you again in a few months from now?

CharliB posted 1/9/2019 05:46 AM

I don't know what I will do if he contacts me in a few months. I feel like I am already moving on so I guess it depends how much he wants to be with me. Of course I am a little bruised from the break up but he is/was a great guy that was just not that into me.

SallyShrink81 posted 1/9/2019 09:01 AM

CharliB I just want to support you and say that whatever you want is okay to want. If you want a serious relationship, then you deserve a man who is ready and willing (eager even!) to be in a serious relationship with you.

My exSO strung me along for a better part of a year. He never would break things off completely. He always said he couldn't give me what I needed right now because of XYZ. I finally pulled the plug. Told him I couldn't have any more contact with him because I wasn't moving on. He even responded to that with we both know I can't give you what you deserve right now. My response? Crickets. He's deleted from my phone and life. While I'm incredibly sad about it ending with him, I also feel a sense of relief and empowerment about taking a stand for myself and my wants and needs. Hope you can find this within yourself as well. (((hugs)))

CharliB posted 1/9/2019 15:14 PM

Thanks SallyShrink.
I am moving on and have no expectations for a future relationship with him. At this point I won't allow myself to be strung along by anyone.

EvenKeel posted 1/10/2019 07:30 AM

I am moving on and have no expectations for a future relationship with him.
Good for you. You had some concerns about your relationship with him anyway so this just gives you that extra push you might have needed to move on at this point.

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