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Had to give up on my DS

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better4me posted 9/23/2018 20:18 PM

(((hugs))) Wise words a friend once told me; "How they are at 15 is not how they will be at 25 or at 35..." I hope you get some good sleep tonight and that things feel more hopeful as time goes on.

dotterofTheKing posted 9/25/2018 12:57 PM

I’m sending hugs to you. Such difficult circumstances but you did the right thing for now. I absolutely feel your pain and I'm so sorry. Keep pushing forward! 💗

WhatsRight posted 9/26/2018 13:59 PM

"How they are at 15 is not how they will be at 25 or at 35..."

I respectfully COMPLETELY and VEHEMENTLY disagree with the above statement.

I have 3 boys with actual disabilities due to their birth mothers' addictions during pregnancy. And they have suffered all kinds of emotional and mental challenges.

At age 16, my oldest son was in a one year wilderness program against his will. My husband and I sent him at the urging of a neuropsychologist. I nearly lost my mind it was so painful.

He is now 25 years old. He is committed to his girlfriend, and they have a newborn child. He is either always working, or if he is in between temporary jobs, he always finds a way to do odd jobs in order to earn money for his family.

While it is true he has a temper and sometimes says or ask in a way that is immature, he is no longer in any type of trouble with the law. He is delayed in his maturity, but he is trying his very hardest to be responsible and hard-working.

In fact, he has matured to the point where my husband and I have moved into a new home, and we are intrusting my son and his family to live in our dream home while it is prepared to be put on the market. For insurance purposes and for safety purposes.

As hard as it is, I don't think you are giving up on your boys. They have been through hell, and it is not been your fault. And it has most definitely not been there fault.

In time they will see clearly.

Take this time away from them to nurture yourself and become stronger and more emotionally healthy. That way, when they come to their senses and come back to you, you will have lots and lots of not only love, but also wisdom and strength and patience to help them get through their challenges.

You are in my prayers!

heartbroken_kk posted 9/26/2018 15:39 PM

I was estranged from my parents for several years, after I moved out of the house at the age of 17. I was a very angry young woman, many of the reasons having nothing to do with my parents.

Later, I would come home for holidays and other things. Slowly the ice started to melt.

After my mother got sick I tried to be more engaged and a "good daughter". It was good to reconnect after I was fully an adult.

I now talk to my 83 year old father almost daily.

You have every right to set boundaries and to limit contact with toxic people, even if they are your kin. You can also change those boundaries later.

Take care of you first.

dotterofTheKing posted 9/27/2018 12:40 PM

WhatsRight, I think you read the quote wrong . The person who wrote the quote was being encouraging and was making the exact point you are making… That there is hope. Just because someone is a certain way at 15 doesn’t mean they will be that way when they are older, they can change.

[This message edited by dotterofTheKing at 8:04 PM, September 27th (Thursday)]

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