SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

hadji posted 5/9/2018 17:25 PM

nlwsrw...I had the same questions that William had. You've answered those. But still I had this one question. If it was the WW who sought for forgiveness and reconciliation, why was the it done on her terms? How was it that a remorseful WW seeking forgiveness able to dictate the terms for R that no questions about the A shall be asked? Also, wasn't it obvious to you and her in all those years till 2014 that you were never able to heal because of the rugsweeping?

nlwsrw posted 5/9/2018 19:10 PM

Passed by the house on the way to dinner...Donna's SUV, his Jeep and two other cars at house...never been other cars than his and her SUV.

HADJI... in 1994 I was exhausted by 7 months of 65/70 hour work weeks. I discovered the A on super-bowl Sunday 1994. During the following 3/4 weeks I was heavily involved in discovering detail. After uncovering the info on POS OM..and presenting it to WW, working with her mother, her boss..she begin to see the LIGHT. She was devistated with her choices..it was my 'only' goal to get her out of the trap...when she moved back 'home' we began Catholic Retrouvaille program..it is NOT MC...but it did teach us to communicate and understand how feelings affect ourselves. At the time the why was not important..nor the what...she was safely out away from him...ready to make a marriage.

WW did not...could not face her actions...I felt sorry for her...I just did not want to force it on her...not realizing at that time that decision would be detrimental to me eventually. On Super-bowl Sunday 2014...20 years to the day...I finally crashed...the unanswered whys, whats, etc laid me out 'cold'. But by then WW could not recall details readly...it's taken 4 years of sessions with her IC, timelines, me providing dates, places that I know, I have vivid recall...she usually can piece things after I describe weather, snow storms, telephone calls, long-distance phone log from 94...etc...

Because I wanted to help her thru the hell she caused...I sacrificed my own healing...delayed it for 20 years...WW is helping me now...so she gets an A for effort...

northeasternarea posted 5/9/2018 19:27 PM

Will you be ok with her deciding to stay with him?

Kamstel posted 5/9/2018 19:31 PM

Yep, a bad night for POS

Kamstel posted 5/9/2018 19:36 PM

Too bad you couldn’t ask a buddy who is a police officer to also run his arrest record to include in that file.

Because you know the scum bag has been arrested multiple times.

Now it is all in Don his hands, she has to decide what to do. And if she decides to stay with POS, she has nobody to blame but herself when his true nature comes forward

nlwsrw posted 5/9/2018 19:39 PM

North....of course...It is not my goal to divide them...Donna now has much more of the 40 year background of this habitual POS...if he had listed 5 previous marriages on this 6th marriage certificate...then none of this thread would exist.

My FWW confronted the same lying conniving douche bag 25 years ago. The last time he listed correct previous marriage info on a marriage certificate was 1983...for the next 35 years...never the truth..marriages 3, 4, 5, 6...all list 1...

Don't know many women that would accept this...how about that question ladies??...

nlwsrw posted 5/9/2018 19:50 PM

Kamstel...at the circuit court clerk, there is a public terminal that can access court documents from 1991 forward. That is how I discovered Donna had a medical judgement in 2011. The actual terms and judgements must be ordered from the state office of the courts at the Capital.

There were 6 court cases in my county and 4 in an adjoining county for POS OM since 1991..two were DUI's and at least one was auto loan judgement by a credit union...YES ..Donna has those court case numbers..she can order the paperwork...that is how I obtained the DIVORCE DECREES from 1991 forward..

Before 1991 the office of the courts must be contacted..need year and name person in the action.. $35/ search.

Greeneyesbluezy posted 5/9/2018 20:51 PM

Nlw,

Would women accept what?

I’m confused what question you are asking of women?

It seems that you are obsessed with this man. Researching and contacting and finding out and now giving his current wife a dossier and then counting how many cars are in the driveway? So not healthy after 24 years.

If you rug swept 24 years ago and find yourself teetering now, then get IC and MC.

Your wife had an affair. She chose it no matter how many lies this man told her.

The other wives he has had chose it. No matter how many lies he told them.

What you present is not healthy at all.

[This message edited by Greeneyesbluezy at 9:01 PM, May 9th (Wednesday)]

nlwsrw posted 5/9/2018 21:00 PM

Green...kamstel/northeast...questioning Donna staying with POS OM... knowing what she now knows...I was passing it forward hypothetically...to the ladies reading here...

Greeneyesbluezy posted 5/9/2018 21:03 PM

Who cares what she chooses???

Why would you care? She’s a grown woman.

nlwsrw posted 5/9/2018 21:41 PM

Ms Green...please pass on through....my comment was a reply to kamstel/northeast...ms green JUST PLAIN WOW!...if you read this...you know both my wife and mydself have IC and MC.....CAN A MODERATOR BLOCK HER PLEASE...

Greeneyesbluezy posted 5/9/2018 21:46 PM

No, you actually asked me by name.

I responded.

Tren0R201 posted 5/10/2018 00:44 AM

Surely that's the end of it now and you move on with your life right?

Or are you going to do more drivebys as this is real life and it might takes several weeks if they break up or they might just not break up at all.

Kamstel posted 5/10/2018 05:34 AM

Don’t take anything “some posters” to heart. If you read her comments in other threads it appears that she treats men and women posters very differently. If you were a woman she would be championing you as the greatest hero for protecting other women.

I’m assuming a good number of people have asked moderators to block “specific posters” or talk to her. I’m not sure if she is bitter or what. But she has a history of typing things that she can claim are helping but are actually backhanded slaps to the face of the original poster. Or if OP doesn’t give a complete answer or the OP tries to ignore her, she jumps all over the OP. When an OP asks her to leave, she claims that she is only trying to help or that she has done nothing wrong according to the rules.

In my opinion it is best to never engage her.

Now, I await to be attacked or reported to moderators for “attacking another member. Now “some posters” will be able to play the role of victim. It’s just a game she plays! It’s how she gets her jollies!

Ignore!
Ignore!
Ignore!

NLSW- I think you did a great thing. Good job

[This message edited by Kamstel at 7:30 PM, May 12th (Saturday)]

nlwsrw posted 5/10/2018 09:23 AM

Thks Kamstel...it has been 7/8 months since my last post....women like Donna deserve as much info as possible....preditors look for certain personalities...as I pass 1/2 block from her house daily...I will continue to observe activity...yes OM POS will have me in his 'rear view mirror' for some time...retired...thinking about getting 'PI' licence...

seadoug105 posted 5/10/2018 09:41 AM

Kamstel....

....so it's NOT just in my head?...

Consider this a "like" of your post!

WilliamM posted 5/10/2018 10:03 AM

Thanks, nlwsrw. That helps me see more fully and helps me to understand why you did what you did. So one more question about your wife. To me it seems that if the AP had not been married so many times, then your wife would have left you for him. What was your thought process to allow her to return to you?

badmemory posted 5/10/2018 10:40 AM

Transfer completed...Donna was planting flowers around her mailbox. I handed the envelope to her..said I have known of her husband for 40 years...this envelope contains certified copies of his 5 previous marriage certificates...and copies of 4 of the 5 divorce decrees. I apologized for the apparent shock..I said.."if you have non-marital assets..you should take immediate action to protect and secure those...I am sorry"...she said nothing...did not know how to read her demeanor....then I drove away..looking in the mirror..she opened and removed the papers (23 pages)...

Well played nlwsrw.

I've got to say, I envy that you had an opportunity to screw the POSOM, and you methodically executed your plan; legally. And, with the added bonus that he knows who screwed him.

I've always hoped one day that I'd have a similar opportunity to screw my POSOM. Still waiting, but you give me hope.

[This message edited by badmemory at 10:42 AM, May 10th (Thursday)]

beenthereinco posted 5/10/2018 11:45 AM

I don't think Greeneyes is being unreasonable here. Okay you have given the woman the information. It seems to me, other than looking over your shoulder for awhile, your role here is done. You have no stake in this man's life or his marriage. We can debate the ethics of what you did I suppose but I think her point is valid. You need to move on from this and stop letting this man take up real estate in your head. I don't see how that is healthy for you.

nlwsrw posted 5/10/2018 11:51 AM

William...that very issue has been discussed in MC. What if he kept rescue dogs, worked with abused children..married once...was cheated on by spouse...what would have been the outcome?

If you recall I found an undelivered 'love card' to OM when she gave me things she was purging. She wanted me to go thru it so I would not think she had kept anything...then I find that card...that was OCT 2016. It was among cards from the 1970's thru 2000's..I am convinced it was one card that was skipped in 94 when she destroyed everything. WW thinks she did not deliver/send it to him because she was already having reservation about permanently leaving our marriage..she said there were too many good times that she/me had. She bought the card around Christmas 1993...she remembers being on a bank trip with his f**king sister out of town when she bought it...but did not send it. I did not give her the 4 marriage dossier until Feb 25, 1994. So she was already considering getting out...she said to tell him 'she loved him'...was a huge leep..there was some sexual contact but not intercourse at that time. In late January she went to his house for sex...I remember that evening..she was miserable..I knew something horrible had happened...just never ever thought she was in another man's bed. I saw her car the next morning at her Catholic church...her church is downtown on the way to my office...I didn't think much about it because she was on the alter committee...but she went to the chapel...lit a candle for her deceased father. So WW was in limbo...she swears she had already decided to end it...so when she found the truth it was really easy to terminate it..she was furious...he called his sister to the resque..but WW told her that was the end of their friendship..WW was the sister's supervisor at the bank...WW told her boss...she was sectretry to the bank president about everything..the sister was terminated within the month.

It is a story I want to believe..that is 24 years ago...she remembers her guilt...she has always been a devout Catholic..she was suffering..and I knew that...one reason I let her slide in 94...she was truly remorseful..immediately...she just does not have an answer for her weakness at the time. She was addicted to the adulation and attention...she has discovered that has been a weakness back as far as highschool...her younger sister (2yrs) was a tremendous piano player..WW struggled..she felt inferior...I am aware she needs reinforcement...so I learned an important aspect for our relationship.