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Spouses/Partners with Personality Disorders

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ThisIsSoLonely posted 9/19/2019 14:21 PM

Anyone on here have experience with Borderline Personality Disorder? My WH and I will not be staying together (barring some kind of miracle - I never say never as I seem to always end up doing whatever it was I never said I would do so I qualify everything) but we will be residing in the same place for the foreseeable future AND it appears this is the diagnosis my WH is headed for - he is considering seeking additional and/or different therapy. There has been no official diagnosis of anything other than MDD (major depressive disorder) and as MDD can be misdiagnosed with BPD (or other things) I am looking more for information about this generally and how you live with someone like this for any amount of time.

I'm not looking for R advice, I'm looking for "how to negotiate getting along" in a much more general sense and what someone who is diagnosed with that is really like. He definitely does not have the needy/clingy aspect of BPD but he hits about 6 of the 9 marks for it and it sounds like that is really most likely where he is (underlying anger that he does not understand where it comes from, anhedonia, impulsive risky behavour, unstable and intense personal relationships involving idealization and devaluation, unstable self image, fairly frequent disassociation (not related to any external known stressor)). He is a bit freaked out that there is "something majorly wrong with him" which comes with embarrassment and shame about having a problem. I never really realized that he was one of these people who would find something like that embarrassing as he so willingly went to IC on his own and has stayed w/out any encouragement from me (which is part of the reason an NPD diagnosis has not really "matched" with him - he recognizes these issues and wants to address them even though he is scared, which takes accepting that you are not perfect).

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 2:22 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

xhz700 posted 10/2/2019 15:25 PM

Read Splitting, it's a book about divorcing someone with these types of personality disorders.

It's about the worst thing you will ever do. This book can at least prepare you for what you are going to deal with. In my experience divorcing a woman with BPD, the book was quite accurate.

ThisIsSoLonely posted 10/7/2019 16:29 PM

Thanks - I don't think he has a full blown personality disorder, but I do think he is high on certain traits (of course that is not for me to diagnose and honestly a diagnosis doesn't matter). Luckily we do not have the "why don't you love me" angry outbursts or a lot of throwing blame in my direction. It's mostly a general sense of moodiness coupled with his desire for everything to be "perfectly normal" all the time which is impossible. He is SO closed that sometimes it's hard to know what is coming next...thankfully his IC IS helping and he recognizes that he has a problem/wants to get help.

I appreciate the read - I will see if I can find it online as I don't mind paying but I hate waiting!

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