SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We're working on repair and things are getting better (finally, after 10 months) but there are things that popup and just threaten to ruin everything.

In this specific case, it's music.

I discovered my UW had a shared collaboration playlist on a streaming platform.
It hadn't been recently listened to but there were plenty of 'newer' songs added. I didn't get too angry about the playlist because she immediately blocked him on the app and deleted the playlist, saying she hadn't listened to it in a long time. Maybe, maybe not, but not worth freaking out about since I didn't really know.

The point here is that like a psycho I screenshotted all the songs on the playlist, fed them into chat and got all the lyrics. 90% of the songs were about a lost love, desiring for someone else, leaving your current person for another, with a few innocuous songs sprinkled in.

I brought up to her a few days later that I was feeling a bit off about the songs that she had in the playlist. Before i could even explain WHY I was off on them, she said 'I don't listen to song lyrics like that. A song is just a song to me, I like the music and the melody but the words are just words.'

The problem here is that I know that's not true. Multiple times over the past year she has gotten upset because a song will be on the radio and I didn't pay attention to it and then she says something like 'we just don't connect on things', because I didn't listen to the lyrics or the song.

I know this isn't a MAJOR sticking point, but it's just one of those areas where I don't feel like she's being truthful because she's afraid I would freak out.

The thing is is that I might be a bit upset about it but it's something worth us talking about. Maybe there is something she is still longing for that we could work on together, or maybe she's still struggling with her feelings. Whatever it is, I wish that she would just finally be f***ing honest.

Or, maybe I'm just being hypervigilant and looking for stuff where it isn't. If that's the case, please let me know.

thanks!

The problem here is that I know that's not true. Multiple times over the past year she has gotten upset because a song will be on the radio and I didn't pay attention to it and then she says something like 'we just don't connect on things', because I didn't listen to the lyrics or the song.

And what was her response when you pointed out this clear inconsistency?

I think it's an issue although she may just not want to hurt your feelings more. People who do focus on lyrics often have significant emotions tied to certain songs. And she, apparently, is lying about it to you based upon how you are remembering past events when listening with her. Gaslighting you will not help R, even if she hasn't listened to that playlist for a year.

I also wonder if the event you remember with the song on the radio was during her affair? Could it be she usually does just go for the melody but her AP got her to listen lyrically to the songs on the playlist? That sounds like something she wouldn't want to admit.

Or maybe she should apologize to you and validate your feelings.

Because you know her explanation is not valid b/c of the playlist you found and her connection to it.

I hope it gets better but I really take issue with cheaters who just blow things off when the betrayed tries to have a conversation about issues or triggers etc.