InkHulk (original poster member #80400) posted at 4:53 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2026
On reading your post I started to hum Tom Lehrer’s old ditty Wernher von Braun…. "A man whose allegiance is ruled by expedience".
Switch genders. The song might give you a chuckle.
Dude, such a deep cut (as the kids these days would say). Thanks indeed for the chuckle.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 5:48 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2026
Your ex is a despicable person who has put you and your kids in a miserable position yet again.
On the one hand, I think telling her boyfriend that she’s cheating in the ethical thing to do, especially because he’s getting more involved with your kids.
On the other hand, there’s hazards to getting involved in her private life and I’m afraid that she will take it out on your kids in some way. I’m also sure that she will tell her boyfriend that you’re a jealous husband who is trying to sabotage her newfound happiness.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 7:12 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2026
You don't have the goods.
You have a story from your girlfriend (whom you trust).
But... I think you have learned at least one important lesson on trust, and that it not be complete.
If you want to tell your kids or her current boyfriend that's up to you.
My reaction would be more like:
ETA: Since I'm captain infidelity and usually recommend revealing where you have circle of influence, the main reason I don't see value here is that he started dating her knowing she was a cheater and that her cheating ended her previous relationship. He signed up for something like this from the get go. Hearsay is basically the same as his current level of knowledge. She might be cheating on him. This is, or should be, his background level of suspicion.
[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 7:17 PM, Wednesday, September 2nd]
Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 7:46 PM on Wednesday, September 2nd, 2026
I think I'm on board with "not quite enough" to go poking the beehive. She may or may not be stepping out. I mean, given her history it's certainly possible, but you really don't quite have a smoking gun, and telling people could really stir up a lot of crap.
[This message edited by Pogre at 7:47 PM, Wednesday, September 2nd]
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
truthsetmefree ( member #7168) posted at 3:18 AM on Thursday, September 3rd, 2026
I’m pretty sure I know where you are right now mentally and emotionally. You have to just let it be bizarre or that thing grows unimaginable tentacles in your brain.
When it comes to ever explaining it, you’re exposing a horror that most can’t if they even wished to comprehend. For exposure, it’s less about the monster and better understood by the behavior. Ultimately it comes down to simple pattern recognition - especially once you just start to see there is a pattern. (You know this.). Sometimes all it takes is one person to ultimately blow the whole cover. You just have to know how to plant the seeds.
I’m glad you got this confirmation - even if it brings up additional aspects.
Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are. ~ Augustine of Hippo
Funny thing, I quit being broken when I quit letting people break me.
