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She reviewed some profiles on a dating app. She thought about it instead of shutting it down immediately. Who has the membership on that app? Is it one of the friend's account or did they set up a profile for your wife? If it the friend's account, is that friend married?

Actually, what she said is that those men aren't from Tinder or dating apps. They're friends, friends of friends, colleagues, or clients from our high-society circle. It's definitely not Tinder or anything like that

You have at least two problems that I can identify and I'm no expert. Your wife is under extreme stress and has thought about having an affair with someone else to relieve it. She has friends actively lobbying her to do that and also lobbying you to allow it. She's in a friend relationship with people who find this to be normal.

Look, she's human too. She was honest with me instead of lying. I would have been much more hurt if she had lied and I found out later.
I understand what you're saying, and I know it's true. But what can I do? I can't even walk, let alone do anything without help. How can I realistically stop her if she notices other attractive men or develops feelings for someone she meets or spends time with?

These are not friends of the marriage and I assume that you aren't going to press her to cut them off

As for her friend group, I could ask her to cut them off, but is that really a good idea? They're her support system

Relieve you wife of the stress of taking care of you and also have you not be 100% dependent on her if things go another way.

If possible, I'll move us to another home, or I'll stay with my parents for a while. I don't know if she'll allow me to do that, but I'm sure she won't leave me or cheat on me.

I only brought up that question because someone suggested I ask it in my last post. That's all. I know my marriage and my wife better than anyone, so you can trust me on that.

Ok, I get it. It's not possible to have some sort of intimacy right now. Let alone SEX. Let's just leave it at that.
I am nurse. And I've seen many conditions.

Still, it has been only 10 MONTHS. Ten months ago, you could have died right?

Doctors are telling you there's hope, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for understanding. These last 10 months have been incredibly long for me. I almost died. Sometimes I don't know why God saved me just to live like this and feel like I'm causing problems for everyone. Those thoughts hit me from time to time.

The doctors keep telling me there's hope, but they also said my body and health will never be the same as before. It's going to be a long road. They've told me it will take at least another two years, and it could even take longer.

And still you're here because your wife is thinking about banging random dudes.
After 10 months.
If it would have been 3-5 years. Ok, I understand

Yes, she wants to have sex with her husband, but her husband can't do anything right now. At the same time, her friends are encouraging her to sleep with other men, and that hurts me. Honestly, I'm not angry at anyone.

Everyone is different. For her, I'm simply not physically available for at least the next two years, or maybe even longer. But as I've said before, opening our marriage is not our first option. We're both going to try everything we can, and hopefully we'll find a solution that works for us.

No, I wouldn't have done anything with another woman. But when she mentioned those other possibilities, I'll be honest—I felt something. We're only human, and our emotions don't always listen to us.

I'll be completely honest about where I stand.

Do I want to open our marriage? No. I don't want to, and it would hurt me.

Does that mean it's completely off the table? No. It would only ever be our last option, after we've tried everything else. I'm willing to try every possible solution first because I don't want to lose the exclusivity of our marriage.

Your home environment is already a kind of remedy—I’ve seen quite a few people who’ve really blossomed again at home. Please don’t give up — it’s just such a shame that your friends, and yes, your wife as well, have now derailed part of this healing process.

Please, please don’t open up your marriage. Go searching the internet specifically for the negative aspects, the downsides, and the stories where it didn’t work out — you’ll find far more of those negative aspects than positive ones, because the thing is, people don’t "become" polyamorous; you either are or you aren’t.
I guarantee you — and I’m sorry for the choice of words — your wife will be out sleeping around until the cows come home, and you’ll be sitting at home, growing bitter.

Thanks for answering and keeping us updated. My mind and heart is with you and I hope you'll overcome this heartbreaking situation.

But if her friends can’t really understand that her frustration was about the future and what lies ahead, and think it was all about an itch in her… well… you know where… then her friends are seriously lacking.

Or maybe those friends are projecting their own fantasies their ego craves but never found the chance to get them to emerge without consequences.

And now a friend could be the test drive to the fantasies!
If only they can build a narrative around in a way that she gets no fallout from cheating on her husband, then maybe they can work around some way to apply this model to themselves and fuck those guy too!

Fantastic!

(Ever wondered how they already had stallions profiled and ready for the mount? Just pick and go? Yeah exactly they already have an opening for themselves the friendly ladies, now they have a chance to see if it’s safe to indulge and not risking their livelihood)

Call me a sinner for thinking badly, but you often hit the mark 🎯

I absolutely agree with Bigger he hit every dissonance there is.

It’s cheating reframing abusing your current condition (and your wife to scout ahead for their cravings)

Johnn, even Stephen Hawkins got women. You should google him.

The problem is less your physical condition, and more your lack of fight. I guarantee you that if you showed more gumption--a helluva lot more than you are showing here--your wife would probably be much happier.

I can only imagine the frustration you are experiencing and I truly feel for you. These so-called friends are not friends. They came to you behind your wife's back to suggest you let your wife sleep with other men and they already have men in mind for this task which leads me to believe these women are already doing it, with or without their husbands knowledge

And to play Devil's advocate, and I am by no means casting aspersions upon your wife, is there a possibility that your wife asked them to approach you with the idea so that it wasn't coming directly from her? Or did they offer and she said okay?

10 months is but a moment in time for everything you have been through and I understand where you're coming from with this idea to let her get her physical needs fulfilled by another man but I think this combination of you being somewhat bedridden and her being with another man will destroy your relationship. In the least I think it will cause you great mental anguish which could, which will, negatively affect your relationship

Thinking about your wife going out to a hotel to be with another man is one thing but when the night finally arrives and it happens the emotions you will feel cannot be fully comprehended beforehand. Seeing her dressed up and knowing she is leaving to be with another man to do something that you are unable to do right now will crush your soul and there's no way for you to keep this from your wife, eventually it will emerge and then your wife, who thought you were okay with the idea, will see how much damage it caused, and for what? A few hours of physical fun?

These women are not good for your marriage. The fact they brought up the idea to your wife is bad enough but then they came to you with it allegedly without your wife's knowledge? Who the hell does that? People who are selfish, that's who. And they just happened to know some guys who are ready to go? That tells me some if not all of these women are doing it and if their husbands know and are okay with it that's between them

When people say "I do" after hearing a priest or Pastor or whomever say For Better or Worse, they are accepting the responsibility to care for their partner through thick or thin, sickness or health. Yes, there are exceptions to this such as infidelity but when your spouse gets waylaid by a serious medical problem you suck it up and deal with it.

Please do not go through with this idea

[This message edited by WB1340 at 1:07 PM, Tuesday, July 7th]

Quick Google search brought numerous Sex Coaches in London. A more detailed search and a few phone calls may lead you to a solution.

The answer to your problem is not letting your wife sleep with other men. High Society or not!

Your wife also needs to find some Lower Society Friends that don't suggest an open marriage as the first or any solution.

As many others have commented there are other options for achieving intimacy than PIV. Have you had conversations or explored those options?

Reading erotica together-the brain is the biggest sex organ. Having her use sex toys while you verbally caress her. Write your own erotica to each other reliving your special moments together. Phone sex from different rooms even. If viewing soft porn is acceptable to both of you. Etc. etc. etc.

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation for the foreseeable future-but it sounds like she is committed to you. As far as the "friends" go, if I were her, and she truly wasn’t aware of their intent, I would rip them a new one.

And I concur-do not open your marriage. And also, 10 months is a very brief period of time.

Take care.

Locked since there is no infidelity here, and SI is about reality based infidelity.