JML09 (original poster member #26809) posted at 8:46 AM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
He’s done it again, this time with someone I have questioned him over and over about over the last 8 years and he’s adamantly denied everything. We no longer live together. I found out through my adult child, he was careless and she found out. I’m supposed to meet with him tomorrow - he hasn’t spoken to me at all since she confronted him. I don’t want to see him. I want to text him and just basically say I’m filing for divorce and have nothing to say to him, not do I care what he has to say. Emotionally I can’t handle an in-person meeting. How can I word the text without tipping my cards? I’m paying the retainer for a lawyer on Monday.
Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 1:06 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
I’m so sorry, JML. What an unbelievable bastard.
What cards do you not want to tip? If you’re going to tell him that you’re filing, what else are you holding back?
Why can’t you just say "I don’t want to see or talk to you right now"?
crazycatlady ( member #12849) posted at 2:34 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
Cold. So coldly cruel.
As you know we are here for you. You can get through this.
Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.William Shakespeare "All's Well That Ends Well"D-Day: Nov 30, 2006"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night." William Shakespeare
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:06 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
You could tell him you're not ready to talk and reschedule for Thursday or Friday or even next week. Or say you're feeling sick and need to reschedule.
Both are probably true. 
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
d-day - 12/22/2010 Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:24 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
Sorry need to reschedule.
That’s it. You owe no other explanation. Or courtesy.
I think your suspicion all along was a clue that he couldn’t be trusted. So sorry for you.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:24 PM, Sunday, May 17th]
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:50 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
Yep, why meet with him? What is the intention of the meeting? What will YOU get out of it? If nothing, then don’t go.
If you do go, then hold to a script. Something like "what do you want to tell me?"" Okay, I’ll take that into consideration. ""I’m not ready to make any decisions today." Vague, non-committal, protective of your heart and thoughts.
But try not to go until you have met with your lawyer,
Today, make sure you know everything you need to know about your finances. You need to start protecting your future.
You are crushed right now, but you will be okay. You will get through this. You can do it. Hang in there,
And so sorry he did this to you. Sending virtual (((hugs))).
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
JML09 (original poster member #26809) posted at 6:37 PM on Sunday, May 17th, 2026
Thank you all for the words. This site helped me so much 17 years ago, I really didn’t think I’d be back here. I’m not going. I text him and said I was not going to meet him and that we can discuss logistics, bills, and what is happening going forward via text. He said fine. I’m sure he was relieved that he didn’t have to see me in person too and admit to what he’s done - although I’m 100% sure I would not have gotten the complete truth anyway. Now he says in 2 weeks when I fly out of town to help my daughter move home he’s coming over to get some things. I need to discuss this with my lawyer - can he just come in and take whatever he wants?? My daughter and I will still be living here - he could take all the TVs, our barbecue, outside furniture, etc. that we will use this summer.
