Mostly it is likely to stem from the usual suspects.
Low self worth, people pleasing etc.
Wayward partners wether in the making or in active betrayal are unhappy with what they have.
And that’s not quantitative really, they can have nothing or the world whole, and they are going to be unhappy the same, because the feeling comes from an inside void.
What they do or don’t have is only going to be used as a pretext for rationalizing their infidelity. An excuse, they aren’t really missing anything emotionally (or they would leave the partner, simply) but they are missing it all because the internal void is bottomless and can never be filled. Imagine filling a bottomless bottle from its neck: you can only clog it for a moment when you pour a lot, but is still going through the floor, and no matter who o how much it will never ever fill until the wayward decides to plug the bottom.
If you have low self worth you never stop valuing what you have, you only feel what you are and have is worthless and you keep looking forward to 5e mirage of a fantasy "something " that will surely be better and feel better. Because you have experienced moments of happiness they just didn’t last (bottomless bottle, clogged not full, then flushed when the water calms and stops stirring).
The reason why I am so unhappy must be in the kind of water I am receiving and have, it must be worthless. If I find the right water then my thirst will surely be quenched
Truth is, is water and will only ever be water no matter where it comes from. The mirage looks shiny from the distance but once you get there, is just the same old water at best, you just find the desert sand at worst (some can say deserved).
So when you are like this what happens to you?
You can sit on a golden oasis in crystalline waters and still craving something else, anything else, because you are so disconnected from the reality (afraid to face your feelings ) that you live in the fantasy of the mirage. Look there is that person (the affair partner) over there who seems like me. Got a bucketload of sewage waters and is trying to drain it from the mud they are drenched in…. I know it looks dirty and disgusting but it sure they must feel refreshing. Anything better than my dry desert.
So they’ll happily leave their oasis, join the AP in the mud and gorge down both of sewage waters feeling like they are sipping champagne (but it’s stale piss really) because they met another broken person with similar issues and they can feel not as unworthy with them.
Sure the sewage smells like sewage and the water is sewage, but as long as their are both stirring it frantically, ashamed to be seen by others , the water flogs the bottle neck and doesn’t flush down, so it finally feels like it’s filling.
They will both keep doing it, wayward keeping the oasis to wash away the piss stench and keep the appearances but they did find both finally their refreshments. At least Until they keep it clandestine at least, if it comes out and the waters calm, they do finally see the new oasis is mud and the bottle is still bottomless, no matter how much sewage water they both keep pouring. And now I can’t really ignore that this really smells like piss as easily anymore… maybe one last drink will still fill me up?
—- end of the artistic interpretation—-
A person like this can’t be a trusted and safe partner for a relationship.
Do you really want someone like that as they are without fixing their issues?
Well that’s super easy:
These people are the "easiest fuck" one can get around (if that’s someone’s goal). You just have to treat them like trash and manipulate them into falling hard for you. They will still never be a partner, more like an adoring fan that you can use and abuse at your own leisure.
You just have to become so transactional and uncaring for them that you won’t even see them as a person, just a sex doll.
Poke the low self worth, give attention, withdraw it. Do it again couple of times with intention and you now have a lap dog.
It’s called intermittent reinforcement, we do it unconsciously when we date someone we really don’t care much about. That’s why they become obsessed with you and you really can’t figure out why, it kinda of feels bad because you don’t truly care beyond casual sex, and it’s also kind of freaky so you generally want to dump this person after a while. (Because it is freaky and toxic even if you are not aware that you are doing it).
Works with everyone. Works twice as much on waywards, because it’s all chemical highs and zero or next to zero emotions and connections.
But why would you intentionally want to do something like that? Unless you are desperate for getting laid or a sociopath in the making, doing this intentionally should make you feel like crap (unless it’s for revenge, then you’re are doing something with the goal to hurt someone else, still bad though).
Not a casual thing, they are two faces of the same coin.
