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Okay so I think I hit the bottom of the abyss and I’m now back at the surface. I am still bobbing around and my mood fluctuates but I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.

I know for sure now that my low quality husband is grubbing about online for sexual gratification and ego boosts. And I care not one bit. I rolled my eyes and cringed. All it’s done is made me realise that he’s got something wrong inside of him.

I have not said anything. I don’t need to. It’s irrelevant to me.

Maybe the fact I didn’t say anything is why I’m happy. Maybe it’s because I know I don’t care. Maybe it’s because I am 100% sure this is a him issue not a me issue. Maybe it’s because I have so many people in my life and he is now a small part of it. Maybe it’s because I know I can rely on me and he will never put me in the place I was before.

He has cemented the fact he is a mess, needing ego boosts and external validation. Not having integrity, honesty or commitment as true values.

Whereas I, although not perfect, am real.

I was told many years ago by someone who mentored me that I was ‘a proper person’. I was very young and didn’t really get it - now I do. I am real and proper and I like me. Could I improve, yep absolutely, but am I decent - yes I am.

So to those in a bad place today - Live by your values, widen your circle, find joy in small things. Write down in here if you have no one in real life. You will get through it.

You are healed 100%!

I remember getting to that place (although my H is no longer the lying cheating jerk he was during his affair). I realized I am responsible for my own happiness. And I feel that I am living my best life these past few years.

I feel badly your H is still a liar and cheater. He doesn’t get it.

But I’m certainly glad you do. As the song goes, he’s looking for love in all the wrong places. Probably because he just doesn’t like himself.

Thank you for replying.

He no doubts justifies it because ‘I don’t love him anyway so what’s the point’.

The point is you do it to prove you are a decent human being. To prove to yourself that you mean what you say. That you do have values. That you did the right thing for your family.

It was never about me. It was him and luckily I grasped that very early on.

Am I healed? Not totally. I still have bad times and sad thoughts. But it was 99.9% negative at the beginning. Now it’s over 95% okay/level at least. It’s been bloody hard. Really bloody hard.

But I am putting me first now. I’m undecided on the path forward. Do I divorce? I have no desire to have low quality third parties involved with the kids. I know he could pull the plug any day - but I’ll cross that bridge if it occurs. Or if my patience runs out. I wouldn’t bring another man into their lives - I’ve realised how many people have a secret basement and it’s not worth the risk. If a child’s father lets them down by cheating and causing pisd in their mother and still begs online for validation then I won’t be bringing any other partners into their childhood.

That lack of trust does suggest I’m not fully healed but it’s something I’m happy to live with.

Indifference is such a great place to arrive at. I hope you do soften your stance on letting love/partner in your life, but not because I believe you need to be with another person— just to be open to whatever life might provide you. But it’s still early days, so as you continue to heal, that may change.

So nice to see a strong 💪 badass BS taking the drivers seat for their own healing and getting there. Thanks for sharing and I wish continued healing and happy days.

I think you've been in the Abyss, which is probably one's own worst fears about oneself, and made friends with it. You may be in shock.

The shock will wear off, and you'll realize you really have made a friend of the Abyss, and you're immensely better off for doing so. At least that's my prediction, from my own experience.

IMO, we're all strong enough to face the Abyss, but most of us don't realize that until we're forced to face it, .

I think getting to know our abyss is Enlightenment, or at least akin to it.