SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't think I've posted any updates since May of 2025. I felt like the QUEEN of LIMBO on here.
Well I'm relieved to say I'm finally not in limbo. We were officially divorced on Friday the 13th (2/13/26).
So I'll be moving over to the appropriate thread likely soon.

I just couldn't do limbo any longer and had to put us out of my misery and decided to move forward with the divorce. I was in serious limbo for 2 1/2 years post DD. I even went as far as becoming a mad hatter to escape the limbo (VERY effective NOT recommended).

Eventually my body said NO so loud I had to listen, I couldn't ignore it.
My head was in constant limbo, body was leave, heart was stay.

I cried a lot for a couple of days and then I have been distracting myself with all the divorce "stuff/legal/accounts/etc." and keeping extremely busy. I have the dog and house and 18 year old at home till college in the fall. Ex has moved to an empty apartment and is struggle. The absolute worst is knowing he is there alone now and really struggling. That part kills me.
I have not begun to really grieve for myself yet. We were together for 36 years, married for almost 32 years. I have never known anything else, we were just kids.

Despite the pain of limbo I'm so glad I had that time. I actually did some great work without realizing it. I was able to let go of my resentment and forgive. I'm so happy and grateful for that. My hope is we can remain great friends, with some time and distance first.

I have a feeling I will need to post more as the dust settles and I accept the reality. For now, I'm working and staying very busy.

I can't thank those who replied to my posts enough, so incredibly helpful....sisoon, superese, and HIKINGOUT to name just a few.

Bittersweet congratulations. So glad you put yourself first. Your nervous system will start to recover and relax now. It takes time but you will feel it soon.

The S/D forum will welcome you anytime!

Oh WOW I am HIGH FIVES For YOU! Like BearlyBreathing said, it was high time you took care of the stalemate you and he were in.

Believe it or not, I was just wondering about you the other day, like why you hadn't posted, and was just really hoping you had "gotten out of limbo." CONGRATS!!!

Looking at it from this perspective less than a month post D, what do you see new?

PS...Now this makes ME the Queen of Limbo here! As if I wasn't, already....

Came back to say I do realize the hurt behind what you just posted, and wanted to offer you something about that grieving for lost time you feel you spent. Maybe not very similar, but it's all I can come up with at the moment: my grandparents were married from 1919 to 1972 and then he died. 53 years! (He was 15 years older than she was.) I stayed with her for a long time after she was widowed so I watched how her life changed and how she processed that. The day after he was buried she cried "I have never lived alone in my life!" And she was 69 years old. I stayed with her which I believe helped her adjust to the new reality. Like you, she got very busy with her work during the week. And then I watched as she booked a tour to England to see that country. She returned in 2 weeks looking twenty years younger! But coming back to the house was a heavy reminder to her of the years she had spent with him. So next time she had a vacation, she booked a freighter trip around the Southern half of the globe see parts of the world she had read about and always wanted to visit. She was gone for a month!

She really needed to get away and at the same time to become comfortable doing adventures that he never wanted them to do (they had the means to do those things for years. He was not interested.) Anyway her life gradually rebalanced after a 53 year marriage had ended, so by the time I moved away, she was doing well. She kept working at her career until she was in her mid-70's, and that identity and purpose helped her a lot, too.

Looking for new horizons seemed to be part of her way of coping. I think that serves as a valuable lesson for us!

Thank you both! I hope to continue to evolve and grow. Superesee - What do you mean from his perspective? He is still hoping it works out between us...that as the dust settles I will miss him and see him truly changed and we will end up together. Or did you mean something else?

Oh my goodness, lessthinking!!!

I am so proud of you. I will say a little prayer for both of you as you navigate this next chapter. I have wondered about you from time to time and had hoped you had finally gained the strength to leave. It will be rough waters for both of you for a while but once that passes I know both of you will find pathways to finding happiness again.

Be prepared- with his anxious attachment style he will likely get in another relationship earlier than you will expect. But maybe at this point that will feel more like a relief than an insult. He is a person who will look for someone else to take care of him.

I wasn't even thinking about HIS perspective, I was thinking about YOUR perspective as I was hoping it already may have shifted more towards taking care of YOU? I know it is very early after the beginning of your new life to even ask that. Just my hope that you have stepped out of the locked-in dance you and he seemed to perpetually be stuck in, wherein he expected and STILL expects you to basically pity him, and on the flip side, you allowed yourself to be guilted into staying in spite of yourself while nothing improved during all that time. Seems to me like you bent over backwards to allow him umpteen chances to work on his issues and yet, so long as you were there, he never did. Is that accurate? I just urge you to start putting a lot more focus on yourself as a woman worth a much better way of living than that! The time to be "great friends" may not have arrived. His struggles just keep you drawn in to the same dance. Please allow him to face some of this himself.