SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before my WH affair, I was a different person. I was such a bubbly, out-going little pocket rocket with boundless energy. I was the event organiser for all my family and friends. I was always the one with a smile on my face ready to cheer even the grumpiest of people up. I used to call it my sparkle (daggy I know).

But somehow, slowly that has gone now, or at least dulled. I don’t feel the same contentment for life that I used to. I don’t find the joy in certain activities I used to. I don’t go looking for new challenges or activities that I used to. I don’t enjoy going out much anymore. God I think I’m turning into my MOTHER 😂😂😂

When I asked my WH why he wanted to stay married, what about me do you actually like - one of things he said was my energy and outgoing nature. I often wonder (and I should ask) if he notices the change in my personality.

But today I was putting my earrings on for work, and I work in an industrial industry, and I chose a pair of colourful hoops and decided I don’t want to lull anymore. I want my damn sparkle back. And today my earrings are that representation. I’m going to chase new dreams, I’m going to start doing all the activities I used to love with gusto, I’m going to stop living in my pity party.

My WH has tried so hard to be a better person, and for the most part he really is. Is he perfect no but he is really trying. I may not have the marriage I wanted but it isn’t the worst out there. I also have wonderful children and for that I must be grateful.

Yup. I had two hobbies that I was heavily into and I've done nothing with them since D-Day. I just have no interest and I know I am definitely more jaded and cynical about relationships.

I miss having that fantasy that my wife would never do something like this because now I know it's always a possibility in every relationship from day one and when people say my husband or my wife would never have an affair what they should be saying is I hope and pray I never have to go through that

You are coming up on the 3 year mark of your Dday. And it was about that time I made myself a priority. Not my H, not my marriage but me.

It helped my healing process tremendously because I was somewhat stuck in the Reconciliation process. I realized I had to take an active role in my own healing. So at 3 years into R is when I started working on myself and my healing.

And I did get my sparkle back. Hope you do too.

I had to stop looking at myself as a victim and rather as a survivor. I decided infidelity would not be my story, he could do or do not what he needed to do, I was going to do me.

Reframing helped a lot, being more selfish helped a lot. I got my sparkle back and some extra.