nrtd (original poster new member #86627) posted at 5:17 PM on Wednesday, November 5th, 2025
All sensible thoughts.
While I don't think you can truly get it, you could imagine a lot of the hurt a BS would feel if you had an ounce of empathy. The lack of it from WS at the time is crushing (but then she might not have done what she did).
I think the argument was worrying but I told her I expected my feelings to be validated not argued against. I can see her guilt and shame is going to fight against what is needed to R. I have shared with her a list of non negotiables which includes not Minimising my feelings. She had accepted so the next time this happens I will remind her of her choice to acceptas being a condition of us continuing next time something similar happens.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 5:25 PM on Thursday, November 6th, 2025
A practice that sounds cheesy but was incredibly helpful to me was that my therapist had me write down my story and then change my name to my best buddy's name. The practice involved me "sending him emails" on what my recommendations were. The conditions were that I had to be truthful, I had to presume that my friend wouldn't be offended by anything that I said and that these messages were sent, in this scenario, via an encrypted channel that would guarantee we would be the only two to ever see the messages.
It was a rather empowering process.
