SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

16 yrs ago Sunday I found out about my WS affair that happened yrs earlier. We worked through so much and our marriage was so much better for so many years. Fast forward 10 yrs with our kids in high school and being so very busy we let things go through the motions. Addressing it was on my list but I kept putting it aside for other things. I had long stopped babysitting his communications and things. Something felt off and I ignored it a few times. Monday I couldn’t ignore it. I had broken a bone in my face a few days earlier so I was already in pain. I asked for his phone. Found nothing for a while. He was getting anxious and irritated so I kept looking. Finally swiped down to see recent apps and opened one I didn’t recognize. There it was. A conversation with some women and they then agreed to talk (no idea how whether through the app or not because I saw nothing on the phone).

Last time he immediately was remorseful and wanted to work on our relationship. This time he tells me he doesn’t know what he wants. The whole ILYBNIL deal.

I still want to work on things so giving him some space while trying to continue my life.

Just can’t believe I’m right back here.

Sorry that you're back. I assume you know where the references are, so I won't go into that.

What boundaries and consequences have you put in place if he does this again? He's showing you a pattern of behavior, unfortunately.

Infidelity sucks.

I haven’t even gotten to the boundaries yet. If he doesn’t want to stay it doesn’t matter. I’m giving him space right now and regrouping myself. Ironically I am calm as can be with him, I feel pretty strong (for now) and I’m going to see what develops. I learned the first time no rash decisions.

I have come to believe cheaters have this behavior for a hobby. It’s fun to them. Exciting! Some people are into running, golfing, painting and others cheat. If he is giving you that not in love with you bit tell him to pound rocks. No one stays "in love". It is the euphoric part of a new relationship which he is apparently in right now.
My suggestion is to read 1stwife’s history. Her husband announce he was divorcing her with his second affair partner. She got tired of crying and decided she would divorce him. Light bulb time. His affair was another banal one. She took charge of her own future. You need to do the same.