SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've ultimately made the decision. I can't look at this relationship as a romantic one any longer, the feelings are gone, connection severed and every interaction feels hollow and makes me feel painfully lonely.

I'm not too scared of leaving but honestly I have never lived on my own and I don't even know where to begin. I have two dogs that I don't want to lose though I am willing to negotiate with them that we each take one (one is closer to them and the other to me, I feel it's fair). I have no desire to go to court but I want at least some of the money in our joint account to start off. I don't want our house. I just want enough to start on my own, my things, my dog and that's all.

I know I need to change bills, account passwords, get my own place and services (phone, internet, etc) but thinking of all of this, while kind of exciting (good sign I want out of this) has been overwhelming. I still haven't told them anything of my decision because I feel I need to plan and be ready first. I don't know how telling them will go.

Any advice on where to start, how your experience went leaving, things I may not think of on the way out... Anything to help organize this chaos. Thank you all in advance.

Orchids you should be getting half the equity in the house, you say you don't want it, but you are entitled to it, and if you've never lived on your own, it's going to be a big adjustment for you in the financial department. You should get what you are entitled to by law. The law is there for a reason, please don't give up more than you should.

First place to start is gathering all your financial data and getting a clear look at your situation.
Second step is to talk to a lawyer to get a true view of what you will get in a D. Knowledge is power and this will help.\

Start there and you don’t have to tell him you are doing either. Also start socking some cash away. It will be part of the marital assets, but having cash will give you flexibility.

You can do this!

All of our accounts are joint. I don't want to fight him. I don't want this to be ugly, I have some faith he'll be fair but I don't know for sure. He's really driven all of our finances for so long.

I make as much as he does roughly so I trust I'll be ok on my own if I downsize a bit.

Anything outside of finances that I should be thinking about?

I really feel lost, today is one of the really bad days.

Do you have children?

If not it's mostly finances.

I know you don't want it to be ugly, but you have to think long term as well.

Where are you located? Like in Canada the split of assets is pretty much set at 50/50.

No children, thank God, but my dogs are like my kids. The idea of him making it difficult for me to take them and the difficulty of finding a home where they can come with me is the hardest part of this or I could leave to stay with my mother easily. But I won't leave them. I'm willing to split them, as I mentioned, but the one dog is not an option I am bringing him with me.

I'm in the US, and coming from a long line of divorces splits, if amicable can decide what is divided with little mediation but if I have to take him to court, I don't know what the situation will be. I have more debt than he does but I make roughly the same money as him.

No kids makes it easier, but if you need a place for your dog you really need to make sure you get your equity from the home. You should really talk to a lawyer to find out what a legal and fair split is going to look like.

In most places it's pretty much a 50/50 split by law, except if something was yours/his before the marriage that kind of thing.

You will probably feel a lot less unsure if you know what a fair and equitable split might look like.

Once you know what that looks like you can get your ducks in a row and it will be easier to bring this up with him, and remain calm.