Unbearable Loneliness

Since I found out, I've been feeling more and more lonely. I haven't left yet but plan to. There are things I'm still working out first.

Every affection from him makes me feel hollow inside to the point it's almost painful. I crave affection and attention and love but I want none of it from him.

I spend so much time distracted and crying or just numb. I fill so much of my time with activities or plans to try to keep the empty feeling at bay. Even at work though I find myself struggling to stay focus and motivated. Therapy only does so much and medication isn't on the table yet, respectfully, it just isn't. Until I leave this will go on and it is becoming unbearable.

I'm so angry and sad. Through this I think I realized this was a relationship that should have ended long ago if I didn't ignore the signs. Somehow though I'm upset that by telling me what he did he took away my illusion of a good relationship. I could have probably lived in ignorance a long while. I know I don't want to live that way that's why I am leaving but this empty feeling is the worst depression I've ever felt in my life and I've had quite a lot go on in my life.

I feel like it'll be better once I am away from him, but til then I'm struggling.

I don't think I'm really asking for advice here just venting... Not wanting to feel alone.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 7th, 2024

Looking for Advice: The Way Out

I've ultimately made the decision. I can't look at this relationship as a romantic one any longer, the feelings are gone, connection severed and every interaction feels hollow and makes me feel painfully lonely.

I'm not too scared of leaving but honestly I have never lived on my own and I don't even know where to begin. I have two dogs that I don't want to lose though I am willing to negotiate with them that we each take one (one is closer to them and the other to me, I feel it's fair). I have no desire to go to court but I want at least some of the money in our joint account to start off. I don't want our house. I just want enough to start on my own, my things, my dog and that's all.

I know I need to change bills, account passwords, get my own place and services (phone, internet, etc) but thinking of all of this, while kind of exciting (good sign I want out of this) has been overwhelming. I still haven't told them anything of my decision because I feel I need to plan and be ready first. I don't know how telling them will go.

Any advice on where to start, how your experience went leaving, things I may not think of on the way out... Anything to help organize this chaos. Thank you all in advance.

6 comments posted: Monday, August 5th, 2024

Lost

I just found out my husband has been unfaithful in our relationship. He'd done it numerous times during a very dark period of our relationship but admitted it's something he has felt compulsion to do other times in his life. During that time we were not good together, he was in a dark spot mentally and cruel. I suffered through it and we had grown a lot since then. Finding out that my suspicions and paranoia that he blasted me about then were actually true hurts a lot.

I told him I forgive him the day he told me and I thought I was fine but each passing day has gotten worse and worse. He's still my best friend but the loving partner piece is numb and cold. Affection and intimacy are difficult and remind me how empty I feel. I don't know if it'll ever heal...

I feel a little trapped in my thoughts and emotions. I asked for space to deal and he's smothering me and bringing up whether and when we're going to have kids! I'm like I don't even know if I want to be here let alone have children ever. It's so frustrating. I don't know what I want and as of right now I'm afraid I'm staying for the wrong reasons (my dogs, financial security, etc). I don't want to make a move anytime soon, I hope that this process will continue to change and maybe I will feel better over time. Any advice? Ideas of how this may go? I know everyone is different and the situation is more complex but I can't explain a 10 year relationship in a short post.

14 comments posted: Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024