Well, back story caught him having a two year affair with a woman two years ago. We have twin daughters almost 8 years old. And he has twin girls 17 from his ex wife that live with us too. We have been together 10 years this August. We got married a year and half ago after discovered he cheated we were in couple therapy and IC. Yea I know. Shouldn’t have done that. Love. Kids. Idea family. And thinking we are in this together. Ugh.
Well now it’s not going good.
I looked on his phone because well maybe it’s my intuition or gut feeling. And I compared numbers from the T-Mobile website to his contacts and one he messaged a lot. Like 80 texts back and forth in a call period (like a month time span) and calls like 40, 30 min long calls sometimes. And some texts at 5 am. And he put her in his phone as Genius. Then he deleted any evidence of texts or calls from his phone and Apple Watch (I found it and checked it, he lost in January because last updated and he had deleted them then as well.) She doesn’t seem like his type at all. I wouldn’t think he would cheat with her honestly because she’s a different race and around his age and not like the last girl. Just I don’t think he would be cheating physically, but who knows? He says she’s just a friend who he talks to about their commonality in the death of his dad and her son also died. And that he asks her for marital advice and if she’s calling about rental properties or stuff related to work stuff he has done or asking if he knows a good plumber.
Okay, a friend that’s a girl. Okay. I mean I’m not opposed to that. He’s more of a chatty Cathy on the phone than me and he’s always been more of a social butterfly and needs people more in having friendships or helping people out or looking like a good, helpful guy.
So, why delete all the calls and texts from me? Why disguise her name? He says because he doesn’t want me to assume something. And I act like a child snooping through his phone and he doesn’t have to tell me how he met her. That I should just trust him by now and he’s sick of this sh$t. That I am looking for a reason out and he is sick of being interrogated and that I am trying to find something. That I’m looking for sh$t to find and he knows that and so that’s why he deletes them? So, yea. And he loves me and can’t keep doing this. He is sick of my sh$t and he can’t keep doing this.
He is in IC. I am not anymore because my therapist about a year ago said if i accidentally miss an appointment again then she will have to refer me to someone else. And I didn’t do on purpose, just my days run together being at home with kids and not having a strict schedule. And the marriage counseling nope didn’t work with last woman she wanted me to not be a victim. Told me I need to try not see myself as the victim and the one before that wanted me to not talk to him about affair because it’s just shutting him down like a kid u interrogate about smoking wee$ and then they runaway. To own my 50, etc.. I just felt maybe his charm and ability to play the victim makes it seem like I am interrogating him. For instance, like now, I lay a boundary that if he isn’t going to talk to me about the texts and calls and have a conversation instead of treating me like the enemy, getting angry and defensive, and leaving the house then we are separating. So he comes up to the bedroom next morning, and says as I’m covering my body with covers so he can’t see me in my pajamas, "oh so are we still doing this" like because I’m hiding my body. And then how he is sick of this blah blah and I’m the problem basically. That I won’t stop looking for reasons. So then he is the victim and I look like the one who won’t just let us move on.
So, he has been sleeping in basement for past idk week and a half. Saying how he’s going to find somewhere else then if I would just stop this how we could be a family and blah blah and how he loves me but he can’t keep doing this.
And he won’t answer how he met her. He won’t elaborate what they talked about. He won’t stop being defensive and he got on T-Mobile yesterday and separated our accounts so I can’t see call log. He locked his phone and he has his phone and privacy and I can’t get on it now it’s Face ID for me is off and he says because he doesn’t want me looking for reasons when he’s not doing anything.
