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Newest Member: M0771

Just Found Out :
All these years, who else knew?

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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 4:40 PM on Monday, July 8th, 2024

1st Wife.....I was told 6 years later. I would have had no issue with them if they had told me in real time. In fact, I learned of the affair that ended my marriage from another friend. I thank her for telling me the truth to this day. So no. I didn't need friends that kept me in the dark for six years.

posts: 1730   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8841854
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:41 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2024

Charity411. I’m sorry you had to face what you did. And I would be willing to lose a friendship (and have) over a similar situation.

I told my friend her BF was cheating on her. She unfortunately chose to believe him and I lost a friend group. I was no longer friends anymore with people I was "good" friends with.

I would still do it again though. I think people deserve to know the truth. No matter what.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13967   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8842078
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ThisIsSoLonely ( Guide #64418) posted at 2:02 PM on Wednesday, July 10th, 2024

I wondered that too for awhile. After 7 years, I still don't know who, if anyone, knew for certain. I believe via having his phone recovered that one person he worked with knew based on some texts he sent him back in the day. And of course AP, WH and OBS all worked at the same place together so they were very cautious about who saw what, but it appears a co-worker (who I only met once and WH was not super close to before) knew.

In my situation a lot of people thought they knew but never witnessed anything that 100% confirmed what they thought. They saw them together all the time at work, thick as thieves, laughing, inside jokes, sitting just a little closer than they should, taking breaks together whenever possible...but no one saw them do any of the physical things that generally confirm a romantic relationship (holding hands, kissing, etc). When the A blew up and it was outed at their work, multiple co-workers contacted WH and straight up asked him if the rumors were true. So it appears no one "knew" but a lot of them were super suspicious. Way more than WH thought - he thought no one was even suspicious....but to your point, the OBS, who is immensely well liked at their work place - no one told him their suspicions either. The A was exposed by me - by my calling him.

I think it's fairly common for people to be suspicious but not say anything. One, because they are not sure, and two, it's just uncomfortable to say anything. I don't blame anyone for not saying anything to me.

You are the only person you are guaranteed to spend the rest of your life with. Act accordingly.

Constantly editing posts: usually due to sticky keys on my laptop or additional thoughts

posts: 2359   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2018
id 8842080
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