SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

1st Wife.....I was told 6 years later. I would have had no issue with them if they had told me in real time. In fact, I learned of the affair that ended my marriage from another friend. I thank her for telling me the truth to this day. So no. I didn't need friends that kept me in the dark for six years.

Charity411. I’m sorry you had to face what you did. And I would be willing to lose a friendship (and have) over a similar situation.

I told my friend her BF was cheating on her. She unfortunately chose to believe him and I lost a friend group. I was no longer friends anymore with people I was "good" friends with.

I would still do it again though. I think people deserve to know the truth. No matter what.

I wondered that too for awhile. After 7 years, I still don't know who, if anyone, knew for certain. I believe via having his phone recovered that one person he worked with knew based on some texts he sent him back in the day. And of course AP, WH and OBS all worked at the same place together so they were very cautious about who saw what, but it appears a co-worker (who I only met once and WH was not super close to before) knew.

In my situation a lot of people thought they knew but never witnessed anything that 100% confirmed what they thought. They saw them together all the time at work, thick as thieves, laughing, inside jokes, sitting just a little closer than they should, taking breaks together whenever possible...but no one saw them do any of the physical things that generally confirm a romantic relationship (holding hands, kissing, etc). When the A blew up and it was outed at their work, multiple co-workers contacted WH and straight up asked him if the rumors were true. So it appears no one "knew" but a lot of them were super suspicious. Way more than WH thought - he thought no one was even suspicious....but to your point, the OBS, who is immensely well liked at their work place - no one told him their suspicions either. The A was exposed by me - by my calling him.

I think it's fairly common for people to be suspicious but not say anything. One, because they are not sure, and two, it's just uncomfortable to say anything. I don't blame anyone for not saying anything to me.

My husband had a two year affair many years ago and lots of his friends knew it because she participated in his hobby and his friends saw them together participating in this hobby. Not one of them ever told me, but they were his friends, not mine, so I didn't have that expectation. I learned later, after we reconciled, that one couple who did know me and had interacted with me, invited him and his track rat to their home for New Year's Eve. Once we reconciled, I made it very plain to him that we would have no interaction with them as they were not friends of our marriage. They facilitated him cheating as far as I'm concerned. Life is short, don't allow crappy people into your world. There is no place or time for them.

It is a question that has only difficult discoveries. MY X seems to have kept it mostly quiet although I have suspicions and they surface in my mind from time to time.

[This message edited by hardyfool at 2:14 AM, Saturday, July 27th]

Years ago I had a close friend and a friend who was a mutual friend of ours. This close friend and mutual friend lived in the same small town (I lived a few hours away). At our 10-year college reunion, our mutual friend told me that close friend's husband was cheating on her. Having been in that situation myself, I told my close friend who blew up at me and told me you can't believe anything our mutual friend says. And because of that, for over 20 years my close friend cut ties with me until 3 months ago when she contacted me and we caught up on everything including the fact she had divorced her husband for infidelity. Did I get an apology? Nope. Would I do it again? Absolutely.