Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Watermelonhigh

Just Found Out :
Back here 4 years later


 BRBLife (original poster new member #75288) posted at 8:00 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

Hello. 4 years ago I joined up because I had an hpv spot in my mouth. I jumped the gun and confronted before investigating but I was so hurt and caught off guard. He swore fidelity up and down. I just reread my own posts. Sad. The insane end to that story was that my hpv test results on the biopsy were "lost" by ups!?

Now I have proof. Found his Google timeline had been location recording for years. Visits to local hotels, parks, and other locations that make no sense. In the meantime I'm playing the "we are fine" game, in order to gather evidence. For me. 35 years together and everyone, except me and our kids, thinks he is awesome.

So much more to say, unfortunately.

[This message edited by BRBLife at 8:01 PM, Monday, June 24th]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2020
id 8840702

BigMammaJamma ( member #65954) posted at 8:11 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

Hi there, BRB.

I hate to hear of your situation, but I am so glad you got your proof. 35 years is such a long time! Now you know you are not crazy and that he is exactly who you thought he was.

So, now what?

Me- born in 1984Him- born in 1979We both have 2 kids from previous marriages and we share a four year old. I might be a BS, but at this point, I don't know if I'll ever know.

Update: As of 5/8/2020, my WH confirmed I belong in this club

posts: 302   ·   registered: Aug. 23rd, 2018   ·   location: Deep in the Heart of Texas
id 8840705

 BRBLife (original poster new member #75288) posted at 8:34 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

Thank you BMJ .
Now I continue to gather as much evidence as I can, maybe talk to an attorney or 2. Interesting that 3 of his saved stops were at attorney offices. I figured I will call them first just to see if they can't take me out of conflict of interest. I'm really feeling like I will need, for me, him to admit it. I will still keep feeling like there is some stupid, slim chance that this is all a dumb misunderstanding. Not likely. I'll talk to my kids, all grown, get their perspective. If he refuses to admit, I'll ask for a polygraph. I'm getting my ducks in a row. This feels less horrifying than the first time 4 years ago. Now, it feels like my love has been ground down and snuffed out for so long, that I no longer feel anything at all.

posts: 27   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2020
id 8840708

leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 9:32 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

So sorry that you're back. It's devastating when your WS tramples over your attempts to R.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3584   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8840715

BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 10:56 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2024

I'm so sorry. That's super painful. Also, just insanely infuriating because he was literally risking your health.

everyone, except me and our kids, thinks he is awesome.

I was also married to that guy. My kids and I knew the truth. Everyone thought he was "such a great guy" but he was insane to live with. Ten years on from DDay, my kids have a truly terrible relationship with him. What little I could do to steer him in the right direction, is no longer my job. Not a good guy. At all.

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3418   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8840724

whoami62 ( member #65972) posted at 11:48 PM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2024

I just logged on to my account that I haven't viewed in 4 years either...things were better for awhile but I am married to a porn addict and just learned that he relapsed.
He also let that porn addiction turn into a full blown affair.
I am so pissed right now.
I am not the same woman I was when I was nearly destroyed by his infidelity when I discovered it it 2017. Of course I am hurt but also furious...
I am too old for this shit
He is starting up with a new therapist next week. I don't have much hope for his ability to remain sober from the sex/porn addiction. I am feeling backed into a corner right about now. My choices suck whether or not I stay with him or we divorce.

posts: 581   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2018   ·   location: USA
id 8840916

 BRBLife (original poster new member #75288) posted at 1:21 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2024

I feel that. It's like ALL the options suck right now. It's many times can you have these talks and forgive and move on? Every time your image of him twists until it's hard to even look at him. Every time I speak and he is oblivious because his face is in his phone, I wonder, which is it? Arguing politics with strangers or looking at a half naked stranger or porn? Over me. Instead of just sitting here with me drinking coffee, or sitting on the couch watching a movie. He's not really here either.

posts: 27   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2020
id 8840940

Fantastic ( member #84663) posted at 5:07 PM on Thursday, June 27th, 2024

I am really really sorry this is the situation. You are playing well your cards by acting normal as you gather more evidence.
Nobody marries thinking a war will start with the person who declares love to you and makes plans and builds a life with you. They start a war you didn't want and now you have to fight to the best of your abilities.

Wit the records of the hpv spot in your mouth, canìt you go back to the lab asking for the records so that you can sue him for physical damage? It is sooooo irresponsible not to take responsibility. Talk to a lawyer about it.

posts: 149   ·   registered: Mar. 28th, 2024
id 8840964

 BRBLife (original poster new member #75288) posted at 7:35 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2024

I also found out he went to the surgeon's office a couple days later first thing in the morning. Now I'm thinking he went there to do something to make the biopsy and/or results disappear. I need to go down to the Dr office and get some details about what happened

posts: 27   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2020
id 8841113

whoami62 ( member #65972) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, June 28th, 2024

I hear ya, BRBLife,
My husband spends lot of time looking at his phone too...oddly we have gone on a few trips in the last few months and had a great time together...this is how our life * could be , if only he didn't have this addiction.
This is not a patten I want to go through every now and then when he falls off the wagon.

Our daughter that we share ( we have three others between us from first marriages ) knows and is not surprised .Told me she has no faith in him

He also has an image that tells a different story..much admired in our community and everyone thinks he is great . If they only knew..there was a time when I fierecly protected his secret , telling myself that if people knew , we would have zero chance of healing our marriage.

Now , not so much. I am not going to shout it from the rooftop , but if it happens to be that we split, I won't keep his secret. He stands to lose his daughters over it, which is sad. But if it gets to that point , that's his problem and he brought it on all by himself

posts: 581   ·   registered: Aug. 25th, 2018   ·   location: USA
id 8841143
Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20240712a 2002-2024® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy