SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Glad you were able to connect with the SW. Not sure where you are or what the rules are but I would imagine there's a Nurse Care Manager or someone similar to assist with planning and connecting you to resources.
Here in the US discharge planning starts on day of admission and identifying issues from the get go.
Yes some of the cognitive test are difficult one I absolutely would not be able to do is to count backwards by 7's.

Yes, they are talking about connecting us to whatever services she would need. They've already given her a bunch of pamphlets on home food delivery companies, for eg.

However, I still think she needs some kind of assisted living. Am investigating retirement homes where it's like your own apartment but they provide meals, assistance with bathing, housekeeping and laundry, etc. It's super expensive but I think if we sell the house, she can swing it for a few years maybe, and then at her age, I imagine we'd be looking at long term care for sure by then.

My mom is still in the hospital. It's been 8 weeks.

She was given permission on Nov 7 to half-weight bear on that leg. They have her walking a bit with a walker. Physio continues daily, and they are working on both arms and both legs.

She has had the moca dementia test, and I'm shocked to say she scored better than I thought she would although the result indicates mild cognitive impairment. They recommend at her score that she stops driving. She had already given up her license.

Ok, great, it's mild. But it's a score and I think we all know that a score doesn't tell an entire story. I still find her extremely repetitive, and extremely forgetful. I realize she doesn't have a lot going on right now so there's not much to tell me, but she tells me the exact same stories every time I'm there. One day she told me the same story twice within 2 hours. She argues with me about what's going on medically. For instance, I was there on the 7th when they took her for xrays on her leg, and the surgeon came up and gave her permission to half-weight bear. She argued with me yesterday that she hadn't seen him since she first came into the hospital. On the 14th, they took her for a chest xray because her feet are swelling a lot. She argued with me that she went for a chest xray, not a leg xray. Yes, mom, you had a chest xray on the 14th, you had a leg xray on the 7th ... They put her on Metamucil a few weeks ago, daily. She told me yesterday that she had it for the first time yesterday morning even though she's told me previously she's had it in the past few weeks. This is not someone who can keep her medication straight on her own.

I thought I had made some progress on the assisted living front. She seemed somewhat agreeable. I guess she's forgotten that, and is now saying she wants to try it at home. My brother and I were just saying to each other that it takes at least a staff of 4, that staff being me, my brother, his girlfriend, and mom's friend, to keep her in her house and just why does she think we're her staff? I commented to my brother that I'd like to visit mom, just visit mom and not have to work at her house. He said that's exactly how he feels. Mom has commented to me that perhaps she'll need a wheelchair when she goes home. Maybe she will but how exactly is that going to get her upstairs? How exactly is she going to get through her little goat paths of her hoard? Not a real logical thinker, that one.

Her next leg xray is the 28th. That one may lead to a move to the more intensive physio rehab still in the hospital. She told me yesterday that she thought when she fell she'd be in the ER for an hour, can't believe she's been in the hospital for 7 weeks (had to then tell her it's been 8).

I just don't know how to get through to her that she is not mentally capable despite her testing score or physically capable to live on her own. The hospital is still clear on their mandate to return her "to her community." No one seems to care when I tell them that her house needs to be condemned. They are so focused on all of the wonderful services that can help her stay in her home. They say I can't force her to go into assisted care. Yes, I have medical POA but I would have to hire an expensive, independent assessment person to have them declare her incapable to enforce it. I just want my mother to agree on her own.

One nurse at the hospital did advise trying to talk my mom into a trial run at assisted living. Put it to her as a couple of months further rehab/care after leaving the hospital. She said that then quite a few patients realize it's not a bad place to be, and come to love it. She said that a lot of patients are completely unrealistic about how much the nurses are doing for them in the hospital. And mom is completely unrealistic about how much my brother and I and her friend were doing for her at her house.

Put it to her as a couple of months further rehab/care after leaving the hospital. She said that then quite a few patients realize it's not a bad place to be, and come to love it. She said that a lot of patients are completely unrealistic about how much the nurses are doing for them in the hospital.

They just did that with my x-mil. She was doing so well at the facility that her family thought maybe she was good enough to return home.

It did not take to long to realize that she was doing so good at the facility BECAUSE there were folks there to help with everything (meals, meds, activities, care, etc).

Now she is back home and struggling (and lonely). However, the battle to get her to go back started all over again.

I know you are trying (and trying) to get everyone onboard because it does sounds like some sort of assisted care would be ideal for her. I am sending you good mojo on getting all that aligned for her.

Ten weeks in the hospital now. However, she was given permission to full weight bear on that leg, and today she was moved to the in-patient rehab area which offers more intense physio. Twice a day now. I'm told that they will likely give us a release date shortly, but that it will be in 2-3 weeks.

Meanwhile, the day that her latest room mate went home from the hospital was the day that I could finally just let loose and really make my case for a retirement home. I know that my brother did the same that night. And she has finally agreed to do it! I'm a little afraid she may feel like what evenkeel just said, that she may think she can go home after being out for a bit.

The snag ... I had no idea that she has to be assessed to even go into a retirement home. I know that a person has to be assessed for long term care, but this came as a surprise. Now I'm afraid she's right in the middle of these 2 situations. Doing not quite good enough for a retirement home where they want to help you a little and not too much, and not bad enough for long term care. Sigh.

I've been to visit one retirement home last week, going to another 2 this week. The one I'll be visiting this week offers different levels of care in the same place so it may be a good choice. A person can kind of transition along with the care that they require as time goes by, and that seems like a good idea.

The cost, though ... whoa! I am so grateful to her aunt that left her a little inheritance that will get mom through the first couple of years, and obviously her house needs to go. Obviously, it's either a total gut or a tear-down for someone. I just hope we can get a good price for her lot.

12 weeks in the hospital now, and she is set to be released on Thursday.

She is moving directly into a retirement home. I've got movers coming to her house tomorrow to pick up 2 dressers, her bed, 2 chairs, her TV. The retirement home is lovely. When I first walked into the rooms of different retirement homes, it was kind of depressing. They seemed so small. But then the tour person would take us into a room of another resident, and I was amazed at how much they managed to get comfortably into the rooms. I saw 2 rooms that had their bed, each had a loveseat and another occasional chair, small table, dressers, etc. It has really helped me to envision how to set up mom's room tomorrow. It has a little kitchenette, too, although hopefully she doesn't really need it. There is a medium sized fridge to keep some bottled water, juice, etc.

I've been picking up clothes and bringing them here to look over and launder because I don't know what is dirty and clean. I am being brutal in throwing out anything stained, in need of repair and donating anything that I think is too big for her (she's considerably smaller than she used to be). I am not going to have her wandering around the retirement home looking like a hobo. I'm tossing all underwear, all socks. Buying new.

I feel like a mom sending her kid off to camp. I'm worried that she won't leave her room to go to the dining hall to eat. They are going to come and get her for the first 3 days and walk her there so that she's well oriented on where to go. I went there last night and counted steps and compared the distance to how far I know she's walking in the hospital to get to physio. I know she walks 85 steps to get to physio although I think she usually is brought back in a wheelchair. I get it, physio takes a lot out of her. I counted about 65 steps to get from her room at the home to the dining hall so I know she can get there but she's going to have to do it 3 times a day and back. I just hope she can and will do it.

The halls at the home are extraordinarily wide and spacious and carpeted so in my mind, it really encourages walking. I'm going to go over for some of the activities that they offer since I can take part, too. I figure it will help to get her meeting more people and taking part. It's been a long time since I've played bingo and I think that chair yoga sounds kind of fun. That said, of course the home has to be experiencing a smattering of covid cases atm. Mom was not able to get her latest vaccine in the hospital. She asked for it, I was there. I'm going to have to get that arranged for her, and her flu shot. I hope she doesn't get covid - we kept her safe from it all the way through the pandemic. I can hear it now - I didn't get covid at my house! You move me in here and now I have covid ...

I've been losing sleep over this move and all of the work that I'm doing. She has no idea the mess she has dumped on my brother and me. BTW, he did call my h and moaned that he has too much stuff, and my h gave him quite a talking to about letting go of past interests and not keeping things you clearly don't use or need anymore. FWIW, he has been very helpful over at the house digging out the furniture I want to take to the home and moving it downstairs already so the movers don't have to go up into that hoard. He stripped her bed, took all of that laundry home and took care of it (or his girlfriend did - whatever, it's done.) I'm really not sure how he moved 2 dressers and a bed down the stairs all by himself but he did. He has visited her nearly every day in the hospital when I've only gone twice a week (45 minute drive for me).

I really can't wait until I can just visit my mom, and not have to deal with her house and her hoard.