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You are completely incorrect in that assumption. She is not dictating anything, those are the steps I have chosen.

DRIX:

For whatever reason - "our" past came to the front of the daily thinking in my mind about what wifey did several decades earlier. This happened and our life became a bit more stressful and telling on yourself your past cheating is, for most I gather, less than pleasant.

Turned out she had withheld much information about what she did with her paramour.

I had been reading here for a few years learning and remembered reading a thread where the hubby had a "come to jesus" meeting with wife and a list of over 100 questions. I decided to try the same. When I challenged several of her answers, she OFFERED to take a polygraph.

If your wife is not hiding and really wants your marriage to continue - she should be adopting the same mindset.

I suggest you think about the "100 questions" scenario and see what develops.

You are completely incorrect in that assumption. She is not dictating anything, those are the steps I have chosen.

Apologies if I had upset you.

I think you may have misinterpreted what I was trying to get to.

Let me try again....

3. I want her councilor to have an impartial opinion to give about the polygraph, so my wife does not feel like it's just something I'm pushing her into.

By getting her counsellor to give an impartial opinion about the polygraph, it is leaving the decision of whether to go/no-go on a polygraph to your WW. If she tells the counsellor that she is not comfortable with a polygraph, then what happens? Will you not proceed with one?

This is what I meant about doing a version of the Pick-Me dance. The decision is no longer in the hands of the Betrayed, and the WS chooses the path to walk on, whilst the BS is waiting for the WS. The BS then becomes reactive rather than proactive.

If the WS is truly remorseful, they would be willing to put their lives on the line for the BS without needing to be convinced.

And vice versa, to make sure it's not something I'm not needing/ready/things I don't understand about it fully.

This is a good idea, it will help you understand what it is all about, and perhaps you could discuss the rationale for wanting your WW to take one.

The I want the councilors input. If they say it's a good idea and she refuses I'm not staying. Period.

There's no in between in that situation.

Drix,

You wrote, The I want the councilors input.

Someone who continues to earn money from you the longer you go to him/her is not an impartial advisor.

I think they will be against a polygraph which will answer your questions quickly.