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New Beginnings :
Question about parents behaviour after separation

Topic is Sleeping.
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 TwoDozen (original poster member #74796) posted at 8:18 PM on Tuesday, March 5th, 2024

Not been here in a while. Not about to repost my entire storey but I find myself in a situation with no one IRL I trust to ask for opinions on this topic. So here goes.

Just heard from my Son that my mother has arranged to go to his mums (WexGF) for his 18th birthday this week. She arranged this directly with WexGF

Son will be at mine for the entire weekend so plenty of chance to have seen him at mine.

Am I justified to be so angry about this?

For context this is 4+ years post DD and 2.5 years post separation.

posts: 443   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8827386
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Dennylast ( member #78522) posted at 10:12 PM on Tuesday, March 5th, 2024

Just ask her why she didn’t come to your house?

posts: 150   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2021
id 8827397
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 TwoDozen (original poster member #74796) posted at 10:40 PM on Tuesday, March 5th, 2024

I’ve been asking her the same thing for almost 3 years now. She does not get it she just decides that if I don’t know then it’s okay.

posts: 443   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8827403
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Dennylast ( member #78522) posted at 11:03 AM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

Then ask her why she goes to ex’s at all. I think you have a right to be upset with her. She obviously does not think about your feelings. Are you and the ex on good terms? Seems like there is a lot going on here.

posts: 150   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2021
id 8827459
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grubs ( member #77165) posted at 7:43 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

Safe to say your mom wasn't on board with you moving on from your wExGF. Why exactly are you angry? You see it as her choosing your ex over you? She doesn't. She sees it as supporting you both. You can't really control this. You made your choice. She's making hers. I'm sure she knows your feelings about this, hence the secrecy, yet she did it anyway. You can get, and should be, upset, but it's not going to change that equation. Are you upset enough to reduce your mother's access to you? To go no contact? Because your options aren't much greater than that. Sucks but that's the reality of it. You have no real control of your mom or your ex's choices.

posts: 1602   ·   registered: Jan. 21st, 2021
id 8827527
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 10:55 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2024

I'd let it go. Like others said, you can't do anything much about it. More family wants to spend time with your kiddo? Good.


It could also be that your mom doesn't trust what your ex is telling the kiddo and wants to field any bullshit that for ya to reduce arguments, but doesn't want to acknowledge that's what she's doing.

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13491   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8827582
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 TwoDozen (original poster member #74796) posted at 7:39 AM on Friday, March 8th, 2024

I could t described my situation and my choices any better than @grubs post above. That is a succinct appraisal of where I find myself. Life eh !?!

posts: 443   ·   registered: Jul. 6th, 2020
id 8827848
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This0is0Fine ( member #72277) posted at 6:20 AM on Monday, March 18th, 2024

Sure, the anger is justified. You were hurt by secrecy and lies. Your mom is just trying to reduce drama, but she has basically deceived you. Maybe you can get through to her that a painful truth is better for you than a successful deception.

Love is not a measure of capacity for pain you are willing to endure for your partner.

posts: 2672   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2019
id 8829376
Topic is Sleeping.
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