I am in therapy, we are also in therapy as a couple.
Participating in MC without talking about the huge, invisible elephant in the room is another betrayal of your W. If you're not going to confess, then stop going to MC. It's a waste of time and money, and allowing your W to in any way own anything that's wrong with the marriage without owning your stuff will come back to bite you.
My H arranged for MC while he was hot and heavy in the middle of his last A. He says that at the time that he thought that I would refuse to go to MC and he'd have an easy out to D me and go be with the AP. Subconsciously, I think he knew that wasn't how it would play out, and then when he saw me working so hard at it, he probably hoped that he could fix the marriage (fix the shortcomings he found in me), stop the A, and not have to confess. After a couple of months he got to the point that watching me work so hard and own my shit and apologize to him, while lying to me, lying to our excellent MC, and holding in 14 years of wayward bullshit got to him. AND he was still very wayward and just wanted the pain of being a fuck up to end. So he confessed in the MC's office.
Not only was I (obviously) furious about his infidelity, I was furious that he had let me own all the problems in the marriage. Letting me own ANY of the problems in it while he was actively wayward was another huge betrayal.
You're setting yourself up for a bigger disaster. IMO, you need to stop MC, increase frequency of IC, and own your shit.
[This message edited by SacredSoul33 at 8:35 PM, Wednesday, May 1st]
Gasping for air while volunteering to give others CPR is not heroic.
Your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven.
