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I just need to vent and I’m curious if anyone else has ever had this happen.

My financial planner sent the paperwork to roll my QDRO funds into my personal account to my EXWH’s employer. We need the plan administrator’s signature. That’s it. It’s my account, in my name.

The HR person said she’s happy to facilitate as soon as she does her "due diligence". OK, whatever.

Then I find out her due diligence equals her calling my EXWH and telling him I’m trying to take money out of his retirement account.

What the literal fuck!!?!

EXWH calls my financial planner (I assume he still uses the same one), and she tells him no, these are the same funds I’ve had since the divorce, blah, blah, blah, and he says fine whatever.

What’s wrong with this picture?? Anyone else have this happen? Do I have any type of recourse here?

What I want recourse for I don’t even know. I feel like my privacy was violated. I spent YEARS separating myself from this asshat and trying to stay of his NPD radar. I don’t want him knowing what I’m doing with my money or why or ANYTHING.

I’m sooo pissed…

(I am proud of myself, however, for not knee-jerk replying to the email I got about this issue, and I’m taking a few days to think about whether or not I’m going to address the issue, because I’m not sure that an issue exists…)

What say you, my SI peeps?

I say bravo for not going balistic.

My XWH and I decided that I'd not go agree his pension so I wouldn't have to pay spousal support, so I dodged the QDRO issue. Thinking back, it's my one regret.

I don't know if contacting the HR person to let them know that they opened up an abusive situation that could have had nasty repercussions would clue them into needing to protect people in certain situations such as yours.

Leafields - yeah I’m not sure either, as clearly her allegiance lies with the ex, and she is mostly likely under his NPD spell and wouldn’t believe me anyway.

Either way, I’m not doing anything until my funds have transferred. I had to take NPD asshat back to court to get the QDRO enforced and thought that would be the end of my financial dealings with him at that point. Thank you, ignorant HR person, for blowing up my pipe dream. lol

Although I can sympathize with your pain then I think the HR rep was actually following due process…

They have a responsibility to check that the QDRO is valid and legal, and even after that to notify both parties about any transactions. Not as once-a-month, but rather when the transactions are approved and/or changed.
What they can’t do is refuse payment if they deem the QDRO correct – but they still have to notify both parties. Heck… I even think that if HR had deemed the QDRO lacking (as in missing a stamp or signature) they would not be allowed to notify your husband.

His reaction? Well… contacting the financial planner beats directly bothering you.

Bigger - good point! At least he didn’t contact me directly. WINNING!! (And how have you been??)

As for the QDRO - my actual account with the QDRO funds has been established for about five years and is completely separate from anything having to do with EXWH. There was definitely a lot of involvement and discussion (and COURT) when the funds were actually separated from his account and put into mine, but again, five years ago.

But, you may be right. I have zero idea about HR rules. Just seems odd to me that they asked the ex about an account in my name that has absolutely zero to do with him any longer. I mean, they wouldn’t contact me if he was rolling over funds or otherwise making a withdrawal from his account at this point, would they?

G5 says I’ll be less angry when the funds transfer. Lol He’s probably right.

Good to see you, Bigger!