SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi NTV!

I'm assuming you also have active ones too.

I have things within reach to use to defend myself yes however we aren't as able to protect ourselves up here as you are down there. I am restricted to using limited force...it's shitty. And I coukd still be charged myself for defending myself...it's ridiculous.

I sure hope the living in fear doesn't stay the norm.

I dont think my system can take it.

And I coukd still be charged myself for defending myself...it's ridiculous.

That's crazy! The hell is wrong with Canadian laws?! You pay for fines with maple syrup too?!

I agree it's crazy.

I can't shoot an intruder. Not that I think I can even have a handgun anymore. Definitely don't have conceal carry here.

All I can do is hope that he doesn't pull anything stupid.

We pay our fines with loonies and two-nies.

We pay our fines with loonies and two-nies.

Yep that's how we do it.

To bad I can't have a guard moose. Then again some cobra chickens would be effective lol

Ya know I do feel so bad. I know other people have experienced a lot worse than we did here, that it seems silly to be so afraid. Then again I think back to the last year and a half and I can't get the image of him giving me that look out of my head. He would glare at me with a look like he wanted me dead. And yes the times he actually hurt me are awful but the emotional abuse is what I can't seem to heal from. Ok the wrist and shoulder are forever screwed up too. Ugh.

Could have done without the early morning notification that it would have been 16 years married today...

I should have taken that event off my calender.

I'm sad but not because my marriage to stbxwh is over. My parents are celebrating 50 years married this year and I'm sad that it's not something I'll achieve.

Hey there Dragn,

It sucks. You wanted the lifelong partnership and loving family we all envision when we marry. What you got was an abusive dumpster fire of a stbx instead. YOU are not the reason the dream didn't work.

Ironic how now you don't have stbx dumpsterfire in the mix, you can have the loving supportive family you've envisioned. What you've done for your kids and with your kids is nothing short of remarkable. You've created a safe haven for them where they know they are loved and nurtured. You've taken your family from being abused and scared to be in their own home to enjoying time together and having the opportunity to live as regular kids.

Hang in there. This too shall pass. Like a kidney stone, but hey, that's life, right?

Hugs to you and the kids.

Thank you MIgander.

It is bitter sweet.

I'm glad he's gone.

I'm sad him and the marriage were awful.

I'm sad I didn't have the husband I deserved.

I'm sad the kids don't have the father they deserve.

But you're right. Things here are better. DS got his graduation photos and he looks great. Big D, little M and I will be starting our vegetable seeds soon and they are really excited for that.

I may be sad but I'm focusing on the anger too.

I'm angry that after 15 years married and 4 amazing children stbxwh would not only become violent but just up and abandon his children.

I've got the paperwork filed for child support and arrears so one way or another he's going to be held accountable. And despite what he or anyone thinks it IS for the kids! I spent $700 just for 2 pairs of glasses for the girls. Dd goes to the pediatric ophthalmologist at Sick Kids in a few months because how quickly her eyes are deteriorating and may need new ones again!

It's just not right that he's moved on with AP and OC and left his first real family struggling.

No, it isn't right and it isn't fair. There is no justice with infidelity.

Sorry that he's such an a-hole.

(((DragnHeart))) I am so sorry. It really is hurtful to your kids and they never deserved this. I'm glad he's going to be liable for Child Support. He really sounds personality disordered and it will be better with him having little to no contact with the kids. Mine are older and my xWS definitely uses his narcissistic manipulations and tactics on them. He used to try and weaponize the kids against me when I first left but now that they are adults my daughter and son both know who he is.

He used to try and weaponize the kids against me when I first left but now that they are adults my daughter and son both know who he is.

Sadly my youngest are nine and already know who/what their father is and it's nothing good. I've actually been shocked at some of the things they've said about their dad and when I said I know they are hurting and their feelings are valid, just try to be nice and omg I got snapped at. I was asked why they should say anything nice about him when he's hurt all of us so badly. Good question.

It's just not right that he's moved on with AP and OC and left his first real family struggling.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Your STBX is a piece of shit. The best thing he ever did for you and your kids was go away.

Unfortunately, he didn't just leave his first family struggling; he created a new family to inflict misery upon. AP might've ordered that shit sandwich, but OC certainly didn't.

It's hard for you to believe now, and it's certainly not going to make you feel better in the short-term, but you will get over him. He, on the other hand, will always be himself.

Sadly my youngest are nine and already know who/what their father is and it's nothing good. I've actually been shocked at some of the things they've said about their dad and when I said I know they are hurting and their feelings are valid, just try to be nice and omg I got snapped at. I was asked why they should say anything nice about him when he's hurt all of us so badly. Good question.

Another thing to consider is that it's very likely that you wouldn't have a relationship (or at least a healthy one) with your kids if you and your husband remained together. They may have gotten resentful of and angry toward you for staying. Once your kids became adults, they might've decided to cut him out of their lives... which would've also meant cutting you out, too.

So think of it this way: you didn't lose your husband; you got to keep your kids.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 7:01 PM, Friday, February 23rd]

I dont miss him and I'm not sad he's gone. I'm sad that the life dream of having a lifelong partner and achieving 50 years married is gone. I got married and believed I'd live my life with him and grow old together. He will never realize just how much I loved him.

The thing is now 9 months without him I can look back more clearly and see ALL of the red flags, all of the abuse he did and realize that I wanted to see ONLY what I believed he could be and not who he actually was.

Blinded by love perhaps. Stupid for sure. The very first time he disrespected me, the first time he laid hands on me. Should have been the end of it all.

I'm so disappointed in myself for allowing the abuse to go on for so long. It escalated a thousand times after he started the A with this AP but he had been abusive before that.

Single life isn't bad. I thought it woukd be but nope. Sure being a single parent can suck at times but havibg the bed all to myself is awesome. Not having to ask permission to do things is great. Not being called horrible names every day or having to duck is super awesome. It's not easy for sure but it's 100% better.

I just wish the kids weren't so hurt by his actions.