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Newest Member: Issyibbitt

General :
What does being a madhatter feel like?

Topic is Sleeping.
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:37 PM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

You cannot be a MH because you are single. He bailed, whether or not you are ready to date is up to you, but IMO you are single and free to move on.

This.

Also...be aware that many of the men on Tinder,and other similar dating apps..are married. Before you meet with someone, investigate them. Watch for signs that they're married,and trying to cheat. No social media in this day and age? Nothing about them online at all? Probably married. You don't want to become an OW.

I will be everywhere you look,but nowhere to be found. And that will be my revenge.

posts: 6711   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8808947
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 10:12 PM on Friday, September 22nd, 2023

I hope you know it really doesn’t matter what the ex thinks.

If he’s bothered by your behavior when you are not together, that’s on him. And that’s not your issue. It’s his.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13947   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8809010
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 MintChocChip (original poster member #83762) posted at 4:04 PM on Saturday, September 23rd, 2023

I decided not to go ahead. I decided to just get peaceful.

I think I am doing okay. I am going through R by myself (by which I mean reconciling all of this) and posting and reading a lot on here.

I dealt with a couple of years of rug sweeping, and now letting it all out, pondering questions, letting out sadness and anger in a way that suits ME feels healing. I realise how much I was holding back the dam!

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 273   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8809090
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BoundaryBuilder ( member #78439) posted at 8:55 PM on Saturday, September 23rd, 2023

We have never been married :)

Oops. My bad. He's referred to as WS so just assumed. Filing for D would be the logical next step for someone separated, ready end a marriage and eventually date.

Rephrasing :-) = MCC, until you've OFFICIALLY closed the door and TRULY DETACHED from him, dating probably not in your best interest.

but I have been searching for what it is I need to do to say "goodbye" and I am not sure what it is. I have never split up with someone I still love who is begging me to stay so this is complex territory for me. Do I say goodbye to his family? What about our kids? (adult step siblings).

Think you're onto something here. You're separated, but the door was left wide open - just in case he wanted to seriously pursue R. Seems the logical next step is to somehow officially close the door on the relationship. IF - as you say, you're ready to move on. What that looks like I dunno. Saying "good-bye" to his family maybe not necessary. Putting them in the loop about the relationship officially ending feels appropriate.

Glad you decided to wait on dating a while. Take this this time to not only grieve the end of the relationship and process the A, but to also take inventory of ALL red flags in the relationship - the behaviors spackled over, the boundaries pushed/trampled. Your STBX didn't simply wake up one morning and decide to betray the relationship. It took a certain personality, a certain mindset to get there. Whether the result was D or R we all went through this reckoning. It's necessary.

That way, when you move into the next relationship, you will be healthy and whole and healed and you will be in the best possible position to be able to find someone else who is healthy and healed and whole

You'll emerge from the relationship reckoning with a no-nonsense attitude, with firm boundaries in place.

This is my hope for you MCC!

[This message edited by BoundaryBuilder at 12:36 AM, Monday, September 25th]

Married 34 years w/one adult daughter
ME:BW
HIM: 13 month texting EA with high school X who fished him on Facebook 43 years later
PA=15 days spread over final 3 months
D-Day=April 21, 2018
Reconciled

posts: 216   ·   registered: Mar. 4th, 2021
id 8809119
Topic is Sleeping.
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