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Newest Member: Arpit

General :
The last contact with OP and why the format matters

Topic is Sleeping.

InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 11:46 AM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

My wife confessed to me willingly, and she gave OM a heads up the night before. She initially lied to me on D-Day, told me it had been spontaneous and short lived and when I asked about last contact she said she didn’t send anything, just was going to ghost him. Well, threat of a poly broke that down, much much more came spilling out and when I asked again about final contact she admitted to communicating with him extensively, with him trying to convince her to reconsider. She was systematic at both using encrypted messaging sources and deleting them in real time. But as this was only a few days earlier I demanded that she recreate her sign off from memory. I don’t remember everything, but I know the last words were "I love you". And I think that is fucking awful. And I think it was foggy and all that, and she says it’s more like a platonic love (it had backed off for a while prior), but it’s still fucking awful. I HATE when WS’s are worried about hurting the AP’s feelings, it revolts me.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. - Max Plank

posts: 1201   ·   registered: Jun. 28th, 2022
id 8809166

Stillconfused2022 ( member #82457) posted at 4:49 PM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

MCC: I guess I don’t completely understand why « it’s too late ». What would your husband honestly say if you requested that he send some final means of communication (letter, email, note on car window, phone call) telling the AP that she is a piece of garbage. The fact that my husband did this a year ago really took away like 30% of my residual betrayal pain. The fact that he has said a million times that he will do whatever I need to make me feel better - go tell her she is a tramp to her face or whatever - has really helped me. I am not going to ask him to do that now because I have some closure. I get that it is not the most mature thing to do but I really don’t see a nasty letter as something that is likely to result in the former AP trying to get back into your lives. Yes, it is probably too risky to allow communication when they are still in the fog stage but now that you are 3 years out it shouldn’t really create many waves other than making the AP hang their head in shame. But, even if you didn’t actually SEND her the scathing letter wouldn’t the mere fact that your WS was willing to undertake that kind of thing make you feel better?

posts: 282   ·   registered: Nov. 27th, 2022   ·   location: Northeast
id 8809190

 MintChocChip (original poster member #83762) posted at 5:58 PM on Sunday, September 24th, 2023

MCC: I guess I don’t completely understand why « it’s too late »


Well aside from being separated, this woman legitimately stalked us and harassed us for the best part of a year so I would never put any of us in danger again. She's gone now, I guess what she thinks doesn't matter. Looking back on it, I think her ego was so damaged from the rejection that she just wanted to hurt us both and screw up our lives so she could feel better. Which makes her not a worthy person and it's good for me to learn to let go of giving a crap about her.

D Day: September 2020Currently separated

posts: 266   ·   registered: Aug. 20th, 2023   ·   location: UK
id 8809199
Topic is Sleeping.
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