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This morning I have woken up and feel completely broken.
I have been very strong since I found out in may that my husband had been cheating on me with escorts for 3 years, our relationship was good it had its ups and downs but he also had a gambling problem for years which I tried to help him with and he ignored my help and carried on, he said that addiction he feels let him to this new addiction prostitutes. I found him out he didn’t confess, but now he is very sorry doing all the right things trying etc etc but he thinks I should be grateful of that, when all I can think is that if he had seeked help all those years ago maybe this wouldn’t of happened, or maybe it still would of i don’t know but I feel like an absolute mug and a doormat. I think people are forgetting despite how strong I seem I am still grieving the fact that I have lost my husband even though he has done wrong to me.
And this past 3 months for him to constantly unload to me how rubbish he feels how his life is over not worth living sitting around me sad crying begging when all I have asked for is Space to come to terms with my own feelings I just feel emotionally smothered. I feel like I’m responsible for everyone’s feelings I know he feels bad guilty etc but it feels like he’s blaming his now feelings on me and it’s hard for me to take. I am hurting too despite what he may think but he won’t let me heel, he won’t leave me alone I can’t escape I have nowhere to turn and I feel like people who don’t know keep telling me how broken he is because how he looks seems!these are people who don’t know the full story so feel sorry for him when he just tells them we going through a rough patch. What about me!! I am broken to 💔 I just want to be the best mum I can be but I feel like he will never let me move forward as he is constantly telling me how broken he is. It’s like emotional torture, I don’t know how to get through each day anymore.

Stacy88 I too was unwittingly in a marriage with a man who thought it was OK to visit prostitutes. I send you my heartfelt sympathy. Don't listen to his pity party whining! Ask yourself if he would be whining like this if you hadn't found out?

For you it is so traumatic and "early days" as they say. With time, perhaps you will find out that his issues had absolutely nothing to do with you and him, but all about his warped personality. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but we need to understand what hit us, right?

Honestly it’s like constant every day the same conversation. He still won’t admit why he chose to do it but blames it all on addiction, addiction to what sex or prostitutes? He could of have sex with me if he had a sex addiction thats what I don’t understand I feel it was more wanting to have sex with that kind of person he won’t admit that he wasn’t happy with what he was getting at home, just keeps saying he loved me and he doesn’t know why he did it I just can’t get my head around that at all, do you mind me asking how you coped in your situation? Any children involved? I honestly feel so lost I can’t cope with the constant begging me to change my mind after all the hurt that’s been caused but also grieving my once family life that I never thought I would be going through this xx

He still won’t admit why he chose to do it but blames it all on addiction, addiction to what sex or prostitutes?

Maybe an unpopular opinion. Color me suspicious about addition diagnosis these days. Has he been diagnosed with multiple opinions? Actual sex addiction is rare, it's one of the minimizations and deflections people assert after making bad choices. A few minimizations here and there to help some cope seems perfectly normal to me, but minimizations that divert away from accepting their bad choices, seeking to explore the real reasons for their bad choices, and centering the needs of the betrayed and reconciliation over defending, attacking, and pity seeking won't work for R.

What kind of separation do you have? I've heard of IHS and that seems terrifying.

He has diagnosed himself he has not been officially diagnosed but I feel like he’s been to meetings and how others have said they have acted he said he relates too. But generally I don’t understand it I feel really stressed.
What is IHS?

IHS = In-house separation

He has moved out but not officially he’s basically sleeping at his mums but comes back here all the time and stays here like he’s still living here then when he leaves the kids cry and say why do you have to go because he won’t tell them that we have separated it’s literally torture

but comes back here all the time and stays here like he’s still living here then when he leaves the kids cry and say why do you have to go because he won’t tell them that we have separated it’s literally torture

If you are planning on D'ing I wouldn't have him come to the house anymore. Kids can go visit him there. They have to get used to you both not being together anymore and it might make things confusing to them.