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Newest Member: Nbbb

Divorce/Separation :
Separation after infidelity but feel rubbish

Topic is Sleeping.
target

 stacey88 (original poster new member #83648) posted at 4:12 PM on Sunday, September 10th, 2023

[This message edited by stacey88 at 12:24 PM, Sunday, October 1st]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2023   ·   location: Northamptonshire
id 8807209
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Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 5:10 AM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

Stacy88 I too was unwittingly in a marriage with a man who thought it was OK to visit prostitutes. I send you my heartfelt sympathy. Don't listen to his pity party whining! Ask yourself if he would be whining like this if you hadn't found out?

For you it is so traumatic and "early days" as they say. With time, perhaps you will find out that his issues had absolutely nothing to do with you and him, but all about his warped personality. It doesn't make it hurt any less, but we need to understand what hit us, right?

posts: 2050   ·   registered: Sep. 22nd, 2017   ·   location: Washington D C area
id 8807295
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 stacey88 (original poster new member #83648) posted at 6:38 AM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

[This message edited by stacey88 at 12:24 PM, Sunday, October 1st]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2023   ·   location: Northamptonshire
id 8807298
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ANewPerson ( member #83728) posted at 2:11 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

He still won’t admit why he chose to do it but blames it all on addiction, addiction to what sex or prostitutes?

Maybe an unpopular opinion. Color me suspicious about addition diagnosis these days. Has he been diagnosed with multiple opinions? Actual sex addiction is rare, it's one of the minimizations and deflections people assert after making bad choices. A few minimizations here and there to help some cope seems perfectly normal to me, but minimizations that divert away from accepting their bad choices, seeking to explore the real reasons for their bad choices, and centering the needs of the betrayed and reconciliation over defending, attacking, and pity seeking won't work for R.

What kind of separation do you have? I've heard of IHS and that seems terrifying.

BH 54 Divorcing

posts: 55   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2023   ·   location: Heartland USA.
id 8807310
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 stacey88 (original poster new member #83648) posted at 4:26 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

[This message edited by stacey88 at 12:30 PM, Sunday, October 1st]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2023   ·   location: Northamptonshire
id 8807333
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SackOfSorry ( member #83195) posted at 4:33 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

IHS = In-house separation

Me - BW
DDay - May 4, 2013

And nothing's quite as sure as change. (The Mamas and the Papas)

posts: 103   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2023
id 8807334
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 stacey88 (original poster new member #83648) posted at 7:27 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

[This message edited by stacey88 at 12:30 PM, Sunday, October 1st]

posts: 27   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2023   ·   location: Northamptonshire
id 8807356
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 9:57 PM on Monday, September 11th, 2023

but comes back here all the time and stays here like he’s still living here then when he leaves the kids cry and say why do you have to go because he won’t tell them that we have separated it’s literally torture

If you are planning on D'ing I wouldn't have him come to the house anymore. Kids can go visit him there. They have to get used to you both not being together anymore and it might make things confusing to them.

fBS/fWS(me):50 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(20) DS(17)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8761   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8807395
Topic is Sleeping.
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